to deal with this situation, it seems that something is going wrong, well, the fact is that you are very tired, and you seem to be unable to do less, and you are trying to have this internal race, to do as much as possible, but you understand that it’s no longer physically possible, that is, when you fall asleep somewhere on the floor in the nursery, when you don’t remember the last time you ate there or some other such things, just at some point you realize that this ... everything accumulates, plus some other problems accumulate, for example, health problems that are there you need to decide, there with your self-realization, since you understand that the children, they will grow up, and how far you have thought too, you have direct long-term planning, denis, and you are a dedicated dad, yes, i try to help actively, so you try to help, when faith asks you, or you yourself already understand that you have to do this, i’m already trying to do everything myself, then...

this is an internal state, it’s impossible to track, because you agree, you don’t realize it at the moment, then when already tired, when you’re already on the floor with the children, you already understand, yes, probably, it was necessary to give him the opportunity to cook there, perhaps something could have been given to him there, done, but in the moment it is impossible to do it, now the body is already so exhausted, moving like this at such a speed that it is simply impossible to stop. let's try to continue

now this line alone, so that later we can cut it off, if faith continued and will continue to persist, to all denis’s attempts, first persistent, then maybe more and more timid, it will give this rebuff, you won’t do so well, than this will end, but most often, yes, most often it ends with the spouse distancing himself, you know what’s best to do and i’d rather stand on the sidelines, yes. but he loses his initiative, that is, he will no longer offer, and then he will look for where to direct his internal energy, yes, that is, he would be happy to help, and where, then tanks appear, then garages appear and there is a broken car or anything else, so it’s very important to allow, it’s very important to connect, allow yourself to help, because the main request. your request is about what, i want

allow myself to rest, i want, i want to raise what kind of children, self -viable, viable, yes, i want, and now it is very important to show them what to want is about, about education, about our life, that is, when i i love myself, i... teach to love myself, when i teach to take care of myself, yes, i show them this, but if you always, all the time protect them, protect them, yes, then that they will always rely on mom, all the time only to mom, to mom, to mom, describe in a little more detail, yes, this is the day, how is your day going, yes, how is the day, oh, well, our usual weekday, we're around 7:00, i wake up, i literally have 10 minutes there... to wash my face,

get ready to wake up the kids, and now i'm starting to get my husband ready for work. , pack lunch with you, wake up your daughter, braid some hair, get dressed. what mom says, even the weather influences, yes, that is, if the child planned sunny weather, it should be sunny, yes, yes, if we agreed to go by tram and suddenly it’s not there, we need to go by taxi, then this is already yes, hysterical, look, while my mother

says that he looks like me, of course, that is, my mother recognizes him, yes, and he really pays attention to how he looks, so that he is even, that’s all, so that... he is cut his hair so that he can say so, well, as the psychologist told us before in the kindergarten, in order to please his parents, he wants to look better in order to please his parents - what is this about, a three-year-old child wants to be liked by his parents, that is, not unconditionally, to me it seemed that a child at 3 years old is something like that , well usually yes, it’s something like that, of course confident that the world is open to him, his parents love him, they accept him, suddenly a psychologist pulls out of him that he has a task, yes, he keeps it in his head, he likes his parent, well, we love misha very much and i spend time with him, maybe say, most of this time, especially now, we always tell him that we love him, that, but he has this, he

finds out that his mother will come to the matinee, that’s it, he needs to perform in the front row, his mother will come , uh-huh, mom will look, pride, he wants love on a behavioral level, speaking means conveying in words, and the behavioral level is when the child unconditionally believes that his mother loves, yes, but if his mother only loves a neat person, then he will try, then he will try to be exactly neat, always neat, otherwise is it possible that if something is untidy, he will perceive it as... that in this state my mother does not love me? if vera tells her son that you are great, you are good, you are wonderful, but at the same time, even without any comment, she quickly takes off his t-shirt, which has small marks on it speck puts on another one, then he still

gets the impression that something was wrong, yes, she doesn’t swear at him, mom tensed up, mom tensed up and the children read, like children even read with us, they read with us here are two two levels. the vision that the mother shows, moreover, she is touched, she says, he will rely on if the mother is still tired here, here smiling, the child will understand that it is because of me, the mother is tired, it is i who am to blame for her permanent...

it can’t, yes, but it jeopardizes the safety of the next event, yes, the same thing that happens to you, this means that for some reason the child knows that if the weather is bad, with rain or wind, then this is bad, he knows this somehow. ..

for mom to realize her expectation, it’s probably his fault, and he’s upset, yes, he’s upset because that’s the picture, i won’t be able to please mom on the tram or trolleybus. so i seem to also happily ride in a taxi with him, that is , there are no indignations, we basically have how i explain to him that we will go in a taxi, you these, these situations, when we already discussed with him, we talked, we prepared everything, even when you make adjustments, we’ll wear boots instead of sneakers, yes, you’re already starting to do something, fuss, do something, maybe faster. something is not planned, and the child reads this tension, they are just bundles of energy at 3

years old, intellectualization does not work there yet, the child cannot explain something there, put it in order, like we do as adults, yes, he well, he looked at mom, mom is a little tense, mom quickened her pace a little, mom started changing things a little faster so that the child wouldn’t get upset, and you both tighten this knot, feeling each other’s tension. how interesting, but our daughter is the same, no, our daughter is like that, she’s all on her own wavelength, she runs, puts on everything that was lying everywhere, everything that there are some hairpins, that is, she’s just cool, she touched and she’s cool, yes, she’s everywhere, she’s ready to go anywhere, explain, two parents, the same ones, have two different children, but here we need more look at the fact that we are born with temperament.

she doesn’t want to participate in this, she doesn’t want to attract your attention, take your attention, why? because in this case the tension there will increase, the brother’s tension will increase, and what will this threaten? well, because he quarrels with her, accordingly, what she does, like her husband, she pulls away, it seems that this is called avoidant behavior, this is called distancing, and avoidant behavior, that is, i... i don’t want that that energy was directed at me, they are still here

somehow interact, they interacted like this before me and will continue to interact like this, and i will watch this too, i feel calmer this way, i feel more confident, the point is that you understand, and if a mother directs the vector of her tension to her daughter, my daughter is also lost and thinks, what should i do about this, my mother is so used to communicating with her elders. she’s the same model, when she points it at me, i get lost, and i’d rather be there, let ’s boil some potatoes with dad, while mom doesn’t boil hers, no, by the way, she’s very competitive with her brother, that is, she is quite jealous of the fact that she now needs to be picked up, she looks at him so much that they took me, i’m now in my mother’s arms, and there so that to her there, and if misha behaves calmly, then at that moment masha begins...

it is told, i am walking around moscow, it began in the head of gennady shpalikov, well, long before that, such artistic intonations are some kind of internal, they were in the air, and then another actress appeared there, who by that time she was completely unknown, it was chyurikov’s ina, basses and bulls were in high demand, all episodic roles were offered to them by everyone, usually everyone tells daneli’s version that shpalikov was supposed to hand in the text, but disappeared, he said, that all his... he would make the film one more time, except i’m walking around moscow. podcast lab. tomorrow on the first.

i feel out of place as the chairman of the jury. perhaps all the most famous actors and directors in the world sat at this table. i 'd like to have lunch. how did you feel yourself in the film? where all the actors played themselves and we were from the clinic. are you criticizing the american dream? no, i'm trying to tell the story of banks and the last seven days of laura palmer. matodor on friday on the first. tell me you like my hat? you don't have a hat. i would like to say in the future that

i did everything i could in my life. this is a psyche podcast and today, together with family psychologist olga shubina, we are meeting with a married couple who does not know how to find the right harmony between responsibilities parents and their marital happiness. let's talk now about denis's life, how is your day going in your family? well, i wake up, wake up my daughter, and get her dressed before she gets tired. so, which one of you will have a daughter? we 'll basically i'll. together, how would i do my dad’s hair? she dresses like this, that is, the team, when i don’t have time, she will have faith, basically i try to wake her up, i dress her, then we go have breakfast, comb our hair, before breakfast, after breakfast we go to the garden, they go to different places, that is, they have different places , different schedules, and you are in conflict distributed in general in a fairly fair way, it turns out, yes, yes with misha, what’s wrong with him, he wants to spend more time, it’s important for misha to go with his mother, and he’s supposed

to go with his dad, but he stays late at home, sometimes he gets capricious, so i only walk. and how do you feel when misha is capricious, when i’m angry with him, yeah, that is, you both have such tension, yes, so it’s better, of course, to pass it on to your mother at this moment, but how do you cope? it's a little easier now the fact that masha went to the garden, and that is, i have at least some thought that now i will take him to the garden, then i will have breakfast there, for example, there or something else i can do. further, that there is still a child and he needs to wait out this mood for some moment, then it’s easier to cope, but, of course, when you understand that you need to run there and spend time, then well, you’re nervous, you ’re in a hurry, you’re trying to - to be in time, uh-huh, and it’s like, when you realize that you need uh-huh, it turns out that of course he’s nervous

this makes it stronger, when you went to the maternity hospital, please tell me: it happened very very abruptly, because at the twenty-seventh week my water broke and i was taken to the maternity hospital, they took me to such a center, go for a walk, yes, but in principle, on that day he had he was in a good mood, because his cousin had come, and he was very happy, in principle, he didn’t even want to leave with us, he was calmly in the room, playing with her, then yes, the fact that i wasn’t somewhere... then, probably, for two weeks while i was in maternity hospital, he was with his grandmothers, with his grandfathers, but outwardly there was some kind of... such that he was crying, yes, he was asking there, and where was his mother, well, no, but he probably felt, yes, this tension , which arose what age it was, one and a half years, can you imagine, the loss of a significant adult, scary, mom is not, everyone is tense, yes they explain, well, at one and a half years they pass it from hand to hand, everything seems to be fine, i receive warmth,

i receive contact, but to express no one, and of course we weren’t there for 2 weeks, yes, then when you came, how did the child react? well, he was very happy, yes, that’s when he came home, and it so happened that masha was in the maternity hospital for 3 months, while she was pregnant, and it was as if he had been without his sister for these 3 months, yeah, well, well, we’re together , everywhere, this time, the first 2 weeks, somewhere after you appeared, was he hanging in his arms, that’s different, mom, he is always hanging in his arms, even now. when he is 3 years old, he constantly wants to be hugged, to sit, to be cuddled with, to be there somehow, here they held his hand, we even walk down the street, he always walks by the hand, even if there is no danger, in principle i can let him go, he will insist on walking by the hand, erochka, you’re dad with my mother

they praised me, well, yes, but our father left, as if when i was 2 years old and i was very... well, i don’t know, it seems to me, it’s just that at that moment they probably couldn’t explain it, but the very fact that you, well, how, yes, this is the feeling that you feel that something is wrong, something changed, no, you're not just. came,

dad then comes to us much less often , of course, and of course always, well, like any phone call - it’s dad ringing at the door , and what did this divorce mean for you then? well , they called, it’s dad who came, there’s a man who looks like he’s walking down the street, it’s probably dad, it turns out you’re both practically wearing the same thing...

very similar to me in appearance, that is, he has the same hair, the same eyes , he seems to be very similar in appearance, we have marusya, she is fairer, blue-eyed, she probably looks more like her dad, i want from to hear him say that i’m good, but at the very beginning she started talking about what a good mother... that when you seem to dress the child, feed him, he’s doing well, he has toys there, something else... then, they spend time there with him, and sometimes we try to separate the children, so that only misha goes there with his parents, so that it’s him there for some time, or only masha goes with her parents somewhere and... also to separate them so that only with their mother, marusya, for example, was very happy when we the two of us went to a cafe, when she found out that we would then go pick up misha, this

of course upset her, she wasn’t going to pick him up, she was happy that it was like they were doing something to her, that’s how i say it , i want to be such a good mother that i can be there with my children, but of course, when you, for example, pay attention to one child, of course at that moment there, well, that’s not paying attention. you are bad for someone else, and what is most often manipulated by children at 3 years old, the worst, the most terrible thing that he is afraid of, not love, but not love, what they are afraid of is not love, he is wrapped up, simply overwhelmed with love, filled with love, filled with love - this is when you want a lot and more, suddenly mom disappears, suddenly mom disappears, there was already an incident, mom disappears, and if mom will be distracted, and if mom gets lost from sight, yes, this is all very, very, i think i understand, you

mean that faith has set such a pace in itself for this race towards itself first of all, yes, like this obstacles that are over your head that you have to jump over, yes, to fly as you wish on morally strong-willed people, but a distance that a person cannot overcome and a speed that a horse cannot run at. i love you to the stars, i love you there to the milky way, and somewhere on the side there are denis and masha, a little stunned, standing and don’t

understand what they should do about this, they don’t even know where to run, where should we run, we are for we can’t keep up with you guys, well , of course i didn’t look at it from this angle, yes, this opens up a little new, that is, you came with a request for help, that you... you talk about the fact that you don’t have enough resources, yeah, but before you came here with this request, you pushed away, you know, like in that joke, buy a lottery ticket, yes, you have all the possibilities that, as i understand it , they were offered to you, yes, you have already dismissed them, rejected them, devalued them, or with the best intentions, of course, exclusively with the best intentions, of course, your husband should eat the best pasta. of course, i always pack lunch for denis, so i will die, yes, yes, but over my grave, he will eat his best pasta in life, so that no one in life would even think

about it, then feed him with other pasta, cool, great plan, by the way, yes, but it doesn’t work, he’s like, well, yes, it doesn’t work out that way, it works, but not for long . olga, well , let's try to give the guys some kind of correct trajectory so that they figure out their roles, and vera allowed denis to help herself, yes, and denis was not afraid to offer vera, that one of his own, like me, i see yes that he wants to help, he loves. he is interested, he came to us, for men this is a feat in general, come to a psychologist for an appointment, you can immediately be given a hero, i just don’t know if the hero of the region is really the region, and you still came to the program, no, in fact, denis is a very involved dad, that is, he always comes when home, he immediately goes to the children, he is there as soon as he hasn’t even changed clothes yet, he is already walking there, but what are you doing at that moment, and i usually

serve dinner. he goes to communicate with the children approximately, that we arrive at the same time literally, that faith comes with the kindergarten children, then i i come, uh-huh, and you distribute a little responsibilities, yes, and i go to the children, she does everything, uh-huh, and then when you call them to the table, well, i call them to eat, so they all come, well misha is naturally the first, uh-huh , but mostly misha, whom misha praises, and well, misha usually comes, looks at what they gave him, says, oh, there it is. my favorite soup is here or there, well, sometimes of course he says: i won’t eat this, but then he still sits down and mostly eats, yeah, but i also want him to praise, but he eats it himself, often, and yes, he’s in basically trying this infantile behavior, that is, for his mother to feed him, for his mother to give him something, then the mother begins to suffer that her child is not eating well enough, as an ideal child should eat, no, it seems to me that if something it’s not difficult, it’s just like that, how

can he, for example, there... ask to change his clothes, i don’t like this there, i want another one, i don’t want this t-shirt, let’s see everything, when it kind of looks like like something simple, you think, well and what, well, let’s change the t-shirt, well, i’ll feed him there with a fork, then it seems that no matter how well it’s not worth it for him to be upset, uh-huh, yes, he can change his clothes himself, or he doesn’t like something, come over, took it, changed clothes, wait, maybe, look at how he speaks like a denisator, i understand correctly that more than once... you probably tried to say, vera, let him change clothes himself, but you got it right there, no, something a little different , i say that i didn’t feed so often, strongly myself, he ate more himself, she feeds all the time, why don’t you listen to the words of your husband, because i feel sorry for my beloved son, yes, he eats in the garden by himself, he doesn’t have such problems in a cafe, that is, if we come somewhere, he eats wonderfully himself, he has such a problem and only arises at home, you don’t need to feed him, you just need to

delve into it less. that you feel that my wife doesn’t hear me, that my wife doesn’t hear you, therefore the child doesn’t hear dad either, accordingly the child is not proud of his dad, dad is not an authority, so staying with dad is like, what if something is wrong, what if no so, mom will scold us if anything happens, and now we return to the beginning of our program, you came with a request, how...

so maybe we can simply admit this fact and say: dad, listen, you’re great, we’ll have to take an example from you, maybe really not to feed, as he advises so often, well, probably, yes, probably, you will have more, there will be more harmony in the family, there will be more balance for yourself, there will be more strength, smart girl, denis, now tell me, you said in at the very beginning, i want children to be independent, independent is which? well, self-sufficient, so that they can take care of themselves, can solve some issues themselves, make decisions there , themselves, and what will i wear, for example, yes, where will i go, what kind of doctor do i want to become, or a teacher there, yes, something about yourself, in the future everything, everything about yourself, please tell me, where is it

now? about you, they are now looking at you, and well, yes, i also understand that of course, if you are, as it were, just a mother, and this is the only function, then things are probably not very good with you. interesting, no, no, no, and as if children, well, they see that you are giving everything someone, uh-huh, that’s right, they will demand more, uh-huh, yes, no, they don’t see that you fulfill any social role, you don’t even fulfill a marital role, you have distanced yourself from your spouse, i’m all about the children , i need to cook food, i need everything, everything, the bath holds everything, just keep this dome, because you need to prevent your mother from interfering in

the lost and how a daughter for her mother would rather raise my children, let’s dream up, just like that now the world of dreams and what if suddenly you become like this, and i want there... participate in the cleaning, but then everyone together, yeah, he just wants to be close, yes, he just wants to feel his mother all the time, why, because only with mom is it safe, because only mom knows what boots or sneakers

to wear when the weather turns bad, yeah , he cannot support himself at the moment when there is a mother on the horizon, but there is no mother, there is a father, what am i doing, i am already regarding myself... i begin to think, when there is a mother, yes, i want to please my mother, that means i have to be next to her, i have to be with her all the time eyes. look at what an unexpected, for me, conclusion we come to at the end of our conversation. in order for our heroine, faith, to have time for herself, to have strength for herself, to have some kind of space, she needs help strengthening her authority. dads in the eyes of their children, that is , do not protect, on the contrary, invest now as much as possible in the authority of the dad, that is , send the child, say, mom, what am i going to eat, ask dad what should i wear, dad

will say, i’ll go for a walk today, how dad will decide, look, the most important thing in your state, in such emotional stress, just sit down with a piece of paper and write: the role of the mother, write what percent, the role of the mother, write the role of the woman, what percent is the role of the woman, yes, the role of her mother’s daughter, and what percent, yes, then see if i can somehow weaken my maternal role, where will i weaken it, here, here, here, here, and add something to yourself, the children will be happy to see a happy... happy mother who takes care of for myself, for my daughter, how wonderful it will be to see a woman who takes care of herself, she will love herself in the same way, try to take care of herself, yes, mom should not become

a victim, very good and somehow so correct olga said that you are a team with the whole family, yes here you are the four of you, you're great big. says the very first thing he said, i want her to get some sleep, so a man can say the one who is simply crazy about his woman, who just wants the very, very, very best for her,

look at the gift for him, please get some sleep , get some sleep, let him unload washing machine or load it with whatever he wants, and then praise him, well, friends, it seems to me that with this married couple we... managed to find the right path to their happiness, come to us too, tell us, and we’ll be together let's try to pull out those very thorns from your hearts so that everyone is happy. hello, i'm dmitry bak, we have another episode of a literary podcast, let them not talk, let them read. today we have an absolutely unique guest, you all know him well, but at the same time, i’m sure you don’t know him. fully. this is a young, passionate, strong,

active, risky person, this is a person who knows russian poetry of all times, this is a famous poet, scientist, this is a professor, this is a winner of many awards, this is a television journalist, this is igor leonidovich volgin. hello, igor, hello, dima, we will be on your side, as we are in life, i am very glad to see you, and since i promised our... all those phenomena, events that we

used to call the khrushchev thaw, or simply the thaw, this is the period, which is generally considered to be between 56 year, the twentieth party congress and the 68 or seventies, this is the era of debuts, the era of beginnings, well, yes, this is the era of the sixties, of course, although my generation called us undergrowth, we, because the generation of the sixties was the thirty- second, thirty-third year birth. if this era had not existed, there would have been no literary debuts, there would have been no yavtushenko on another yavtushenko, of course, it would have been possible in voznesensk, although i doubt it, but it would have been a different galaxy of poets, i, for example, i remember my first meeting with yavtoshenko, he had evening on bolshaya okemanka, where, by the way, there was a literary museum then, an architectural museum, this is my first time. i saw it and we came to see it, no

, it was a little later, yes, but we didn’t know each other yet, we came, that means, to this museum, there was a huge crowd standing there, they opened the windows, vysheshenko in something so extravagant, i remember, how amazing it was, i first heard this rhyme, yevtushenko’s new one, which updated the dictionary, updated the poetics, and the rhyme of the middle words, and my school friend was sitting with me when shenko pronounced this rhyme,

in the thirties at the beginning of april, in the twenty -ninth all this was alive, and it was alive at the end of the fifties, it was a gay park in moscow, such a park, not only were they reading poetry, there were conversations going on...

my first publication was in the spring of '59, i was a schoolboy in the moskovsky komsomolets newspaper, my first poem was a fairly early debut, which means an anniversary, today we have an anniversary program, because volgin's poetic debut in print was 65 years ago, no, well if we take such a serious debut, of course it’s me i went with the propaganda team of the faculty of philology, although i was at the faculty of history, i went to the bratsk hydroelectric station, we performed there at the bratsk hydroelectric station, and i open a literary newspaper in irkutsk at... at the station i open a newspaper and have a good trip there, that’s how it was, that means such a manner was, as if to admonish young poets, fell grigorievich antakolsky gives me a good journey, urin introduced me to him, there was such a poet, victor urin, he walked around moscow with such an eagle on his shoulder, and gathered people from him, from him the door was covered with writers' autographs, i wrote the door for him at vitya urin's

literary, so he introduced me there to antakolsky and antakolsky was a master, or even a friend of tsvetaev.

took the poems to the new world in the spring in october, and that? october published my selection in the september issue, in my opinion it’s just a big one, i come to the new world, karaganova is sitting there, i say, well, you will publish me, he says, well, he tapped his finger on it, you choose, i say, well what to choose in general, only in the sixty-seventh year tvordovsky published my selection in the new world, and volodya sokolov, a wonderful poet meets and says: “you violated my monopoly.” i say that i am the only poet who is published by both october and the new world. igor, well, look, on the one hand, these are things of bygone days and so on, on the other hand, isn’t there nostalgia in this sense, how many publications there are in the magazine, now there are magazines, but absolutely, now a brilliant poet will appear and publish something in literature or in the new world, no one will notice, no one will notice, because

what’s the matter, because in russia, the land of literature centric, because all politics in the 19th century always went through literature; there was no parliament, of course. there were no political parties, there was no free philosophizing, all intellectual life, political life, in many ways, went through literature, during the soviet period all this was preserved, and of course, when political renewal began, well, let’s say, it could not but cause renewal literary, all these figures appeared at the moment of political rise of someone, we expected, not even just a poetic rise, because i know that there are photographs of volgin with gagarin, for example, yes, but where was it taken?