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tv   Stossel  FOX News  May 18, 2014 10:00pm-11:01pm PDT

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region. when the syrian war winds down, the jihadists are going to europe and the united states. >> you're right. you've all been great. thank you so much for being with us. give yourselves a hand. that's all the time we have left this evening. thank you for being with us. we'll see you back here soon on "hannity." it's wedding season. this year 3 million americans will promise to stay together. >> forever, forever, forever. >> or not. >> i was married only four months and my divorce has lasted over 6.5 years. >> this is how i put gas in my rolls-royce. >> but they keep getting married and they spends lots. >> so pretty in pink. >> even before the wedding, we're told, to spend money on -- >> a diamond engagement ring.
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>> but who's allowed to get married? >> marriage is between a man and a woman. >> that's changing. finally, what's the point of marriage? why is marriage good? >> i promise to be true to you in good times and in bad. >> that's our show tonight. dearly beloved, most weddings begin with that phrase. it's an old greek phrase to welcome people to big events. few events are as big as a wedding. next month, june is thought of as the wedding month. why june? maybe because of that woman, june, the roman goddess of marriage. the month of june was named after her. another explanation is that in the 1500s, many people took
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their yearly bath in may so people smelled better in june. newlyweds were trying to time child birth. she wouldn't be so pregnant in summer so she could help grow and harvest the food. whatever the reason is for june, i'm grossed out by how much money people spend on weddings these days, even people who aren't rich. what's wrong with people? well, i don't see dignity in spending all these gross sums. >> well, yes. people have gotten out of control. we are living in a celebrity culture where we want to emulate the big celebrities, but they can afford it and we can't. >> you were the daughter of the original miss manners, judith martin. you have written the sequel to her book. you say people think of weddings in reverse and that's the reason
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they spend -- >> exactly. they want this huge wedding with this kind of food and this kind of champagne. they're thinking about that and how many people can we afford to invite that. as opposed to, here are all my friends and family who will enjoy being at my wedding. what can we afford to get them? sometimes that could be punch and cookies. if your loved ones want to be with you for this occasion, that would be okay. it's gotten way out of control. >> did you have a big wedding? >> i had a medium sized wedding. we had a tea. it was very modest and we thought it was charming. we liked it. >> when you say people want this, i would argue people don't want this. women want it. guys have very little interest. >> although they're getting sucked up into it too. >> but they're sucked up by this
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female fantasy that starts at birth. >> the wedding industry is conditioning us to do this. they're trying to sell us these products. they have an economic interest in thinking you need all this stuff. they're asking people to contribute to the wedding itself. they're in multiple registries to pay for it. >> they're asking the guests to pay for the wedding? >> yep. we've heard about it. there are things called myfund.com. >> honeyfund where you help pay for the honeymoon. >> i've heard of people asking for help with their mortgages to get gifts. >> some people will imitate what they see and they pay attention to celebrities, and we have a great grievous excess in some celebrity marriages.
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kim kardashian marrying chris humphries. justin timberlake and jessica biel, $6.5 million. chelsea clinton and her new husband, almost $5 million. aren't they embarrassed? >> they have the money to spend. if you've got the money and you're not asking other people to spend it on you, go ahead. >> you wrote, your guide to a dignified wedding. >> we're telling people you don't have to get yourselves into debt to do this. but if they can afford it, who are we to judge? >> i am judging. there are shows about reality weddings like bridezilla. >> i swear to god i will kill
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you. >> other women spend a fortune on dresses and flowers and stuff. >> it's so pretty in pink. >> okay, here she comes. >> this isn't mainstream. tell me it isn't. >> it doesn't have to be that way. >> let's move on to something else i consider a scam. most american men when they propose give their future bride a diamond ring. why not a cow, a tv, something useful? how did the diamonds get to be the symbol of marriage? a diamond cartel paid an ad agency to make it a tradition. similar ads still run. >> the diamond engagement ring, how else will two-months salary last forever?
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a diamond is forever. debeers. >> two months salary? there's nothing intrinsically romantic about a diamond. for thousands of years, it was crushed by intense pressure and heat. if you want colorless, you can buy cheaper substitutes like cubic zirconia. nobody can tell a difference. i disguised myself with this silly beard and the couples had no idea which was the real diamond. even jewelers couldn't tell the difference. why do you women want diamonds? >> why do you want nice cars?
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why do you want anything? diamond is just a trend. it doesn't have to be a diamond. it's up to the couple. we're not here to tell you it has to be a diamond or it's real. it's tradition. it's what people want to do. >> i did this story and then i gave my wife earrings. she assumed they were diamonds. they were zirconians. two years later she asked if they were real, and i told her the truth. she was mad. if she can't tell the difference, why should she be mad at me? >> the assumption of truth was more important than whether they were really or not. >> thank you. i would never mock the importance of marriage. it may help hold civilization together. the government gives money to
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groups who claim they can preserve marriages and keep families together. millions of your tax dollars go to this group. >> this is our family expectations christmas party. this is our eighth annual. >> this group is called family expectations. they have events. >> we learn to have small conversations about big moments in our lives. >> great. but does it work? does it help to preserve marriages? no. the government found that couples that attend these are no more likely to stay together than couples who don't. they gave that group another 100 million of your tax dollars this year. what a waste.
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it would be good if there were a way to teach us how to make our marriages better and good for the kids. a lot of data shows that kids grow up better in a two-parent household. those are reasons why this guest says government should do more to keep families together. but this guest says that's not a good idea. why not if they could find a program that worked? >> the programs that we have seen in the past have not worked at doing this. having kids raised by stable two parent families is a good thing. i'm not convinced the government has the magic bullet to make that happen. >> i don't think government has the magic bullet, but government plays a really important role. this one isn't doing a great job
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in particular. >> do you know of any that do? >> government launched an advertising campaign to get everybody to hate smoking. look at the change in attitudes towards smoking and resulting change in behavior. if we did something like that able marriage -- >> like people staying marriage? >> you can have ads that show parenting staying together for the kids to work things through. >> if we abolish marriage and reaffix the label to something else, a domestic partnership for the private fulfillment of adults -- >> i wouldn't call that abolishing marriage. just redefining it. >> you have abolished it.
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what makes marriage different from any other kind of friendship if it is just about the emotional satisfaction about people who want to be together? what about two widows sisters that live together? maybe they even raise a child together. >> let's back up a second. marriage isn't a static institution. marriage had evolved and changed over thousands of years of human history. marriage once meant that men owned their wives. more recently, we have allowed interracial marriage. all these notions of marriage have changed. the fact that marriage is now about love, you can't put that tooth paste back in the tube.
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that came about when couples no longer had to be a production unit. marriage became something starting 100, 150 years ago. the fact same sex couple want into it shouldn't surprise us at all. >> none of those changes change the essence of marriage. throughout history, it's a sexually complementary relationship, the kind of union that can produce children. >> a lot of heterosexuals can't produce children. is that not a real marriage? >> it's still a real marriage. it's uniquely the kind of relationship we get children from. >> why does the kind of relationship matter? we don't test couples for fertilely. what people have understood marriage to be has changed and evolved. >> it does appear you are losing this war.
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in oklahoma, a judge ruled they must allow same-sex marriage. some republican politicians are now talking about get government out of marriage. what's wrong with that? why can't it be a private contract? why must the state sanction? >> our marriage culture is in the icu. all the statistics you talked about show that. do we take that ailing marriage culture and just kill it, or do we do our best to try to bring it back to a healthy state for the sake of our children and our future? i >> why not let same sex couples into that? it's not just about stable two parent households. >> it's not a matter of two biological parents. we want parents who have made a
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decision to raise, create a child of their own they care about. those people are going to be the people that are the best parents. >> thank you. to keep the conversation going, you can use the hash tag marriage. coming up, melissa's nightmare. plural marriage. you think that's creepy? the sister wives say it works for them and they say it's great for the kids too. eople take care of the things that matter most. join today at angieslist.com if you're looking to buy a car,t this?? now is the time and truecar is the way. just go to truecar.com to lock in guaranteed savings... without negotiation. thank you! happy memorial day weekend!
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. john: the data is pretty clear, kids raised by the data is pretty clear. kids raised by two parents married to each other usually do better in life kids whose parents are not married. it's not good news that the number of single parent households is up. whites have been studied the longest. when i was a kid, most every parent got married. only 2% of kids were born to unwed mothers. today it is 29%. here to help us understand what this means is my guest who studies marriage and families. so what does it mean? >> well, a lot of people like to say, marriage is obsolete.
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it's a new world. people are going to have new arrangements. why can't we just let that be? you have to tell the kids before you decide that the world has really changed, because what we find from the research is that on average kids do better growing up with their two married parents, two stably married parents. >> why should it make that much difference if they live together, but they haven't gotten the certificate? who cares? >> it seems that way. cohabiting relationships tend to end very early. kids who are born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to see those parents break up before their 5 years old. >> just by getting married, means you'rele less likely to
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break up? >> with cohabiting, it tends to be an arrangement that people slide into where they haven't decided together to make this commitment. >> the pew research company found that half of people ages 18 to 29 have a step sibling. so what? they get parented by more people. more love, whatever. >> more than a third of these marriages that break up. it's usually the father that tends to disappear or tends to fade out because there's a new man in the house. that often creates tensions between the father and the mother and the new man. he maybe has found a new love and has a child with that person, and it's very, very hard to maintain any kind of stability. it complicates children's lives enormously. >> what does it do to the kids? >> one thing we see, we see it
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particularly with boys, children are more likely to have trouble in school, more likely to have behavioral problems, boys who are in such environments act out, they externalize as experts call it, they get into fights, they're more likely to drop out of school, they're more likely to not go to college. >> i've read this too. with much more of this going on, you would think the kids would be in trouble. graduate rates are up. teen pregnancy fell by 43%. teen violence arrests are way down. >> when you're looking at these big numbers, you're not breaking it down by education. the break down of marriage is almost entirely effecting lower income, less educated people. college educated women tend to almost always marry before they have their children and their
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less likely to divorce. teen pregnancy rates are way down, but what's happened instead is rates of young 20 somethings having children outside of marriage has gone way up. yes, women are waiting. >> better 20-somethings than 15-year-olds. >> no yes. when it comes to child outcomes, this much better. not world's better. >> celebrities get this press coverage saying, i haven't found a good man, so i'll find a kid on my own. charlize theron, angelina jolie adopted a child when she was a single mother. i assume their kids do okay. >> do the children of celebrities do okay?
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that depends what your baseline is here. we've been watching this breakdown of marriage over the last 30, 40 years ago. we've been watching these kids go through life and we see it happen over and over again, even when you control for race, mother, education, all that. two-parent household tends to work better for a child. >> thank you. coming up, the controversy over living together before your married. plus, plural marriage. one man, three women. they're why we make life less complicated. it's about people.
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♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] great rates for great rides. geico motorcycle, see how much you could save. . john: americans used to get married before they moved in americans used to get in married before they moved in together. when i was in college, most people did not live together before they married. now most do. 65%. you probably know the famous
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examples. curt russell and goldie hawn. scott disick says he wants to get married. >> being married is a beautiful thing in life. >> i don't know. >> you don't want a wedding at all? >> why mess it up? a reason peo married, because they love each other and they want to have their child in a real family with married parents. >> married parents, what a concept. university of michigan sociology professor studies trends in family formation. cohabitation is just the norm now. >> yep, everybody is cohabiting essentially. >> everybody? >> not everybody. there's a select few who don't.
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those with strong religious c convictio convictions. >> it is astonishing how quickly it's changed in a big way. >> yes. so we had 400,000 couples in 1960 cohabiting. in 2013, about 8 million couples. i've talked to a number of young people who say they would never get married unless they live with the person first. that it would be stupid to do so. >> i must say that makes sense to me. the celebrities we showed, some of them never got married, but many live together for, what, a year and then get married? >> right. overall, about 50% of cohabiting couples end up getting married. about 40% break up and 10%
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remain cohabiting for a long time. >> does it make a difference what socioeconomic group you come from? >> yes. for example, we think of out of wedlock births. we know it is very high in the u.s. right now. 60% of those are taking place to cohabiting couples and not to single women. >> it's not what we think of as out of wedlock. >> correct. >> a previous guest says everyone if it is cohabitation, even if it is the biological parents, there's a significant difference. do you buy that?
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>> i heard the commentators before. yes, in the main i buy that. but in the cohabiting couple is a stable relationship, the kids can be just as well off. >> is it less likely to be stable? >> that's correct. >> weirdly with all this cohabitation going on, it is still banned in florida, michigan, and mississippi. >> although that's only on the books. nobody pays attention to it. >> nobody enforces that. >> no, no. >> thank you, pamela. coming up, you've heard a lot about the debate about gay marriage. when we come back, the debate over families like this one. >> i'm joe's wife. >> i'm joe's wife. >> i'm joe's wife. >> hi, i'm joe. >> joe and his wives make their case for what they call big love, next.
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. >> i just fell in love, and then i fell in i just fell in love and then i fell in love again and then i fell in love again. >> she's a sister from the same mister and he's a brother from another mother. >> some people think, how do you feel if he's off with another woman and she's having sex? well, he better. >> before sister wives, there was a successful fiction tv show about plural marriage. >> it's something not natural. >> polygamist on our street. >> it's not for every man. >> i don't suppose it is. the creators of big love said they created their tv series
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after they saw the cover of this magazine, mormon focus. they all join us with their husband joe. as the women of the tv series said, this isn't natural. you're not supposed to do this. >> it's not normal in our society, but it is the most traditional form of marriage. >> it is old and common in many parts of the world. >> why would you wa why would you want to share your husband with two other people? >> i grew up with two mothers. it's part of the way i believe. what i get out of it is the time and joy. it's all about the family. it's not just about me and joe. >> joe married you and vicky at the same time. ten years later, you joined the
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family. >> yes. >> this is just normal where you come from? >> polygamy is normal where we come from. in joe's family, it's five generations back for him. it's natural to me when i see it, growing up this way. >> there's nothing natural about this. i can hear people saying this. what? how do you share sexually? you don't sleep together. you have times with each wife? >> yeah, and we have a rotating basis. one night i'm with one and the other night i'm with the other. >> and you live in this community with your 25 children. >> each of them have -- she has seven. nine and nine. we all live in one home together. for us, it's how we choose. i'm in love with all three of them. i'm in love with our family.
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it's just -- it's very normal and natural for me. >> i must say i was weirded out when i first explored this idea years ago when i was on 20/20. when i was done interviewing a bunch of families, my conclusion was the sister wives often like each other more than they like the guy. >> it's happened for sure. somebody asked me one time how we deal with the gender inequality of polygamy? i say he tends to get picked on. >> if there's something he's done to another wife, it's not like i'm going to go, good, they're having a fight. we're really looking out for one another and looking out for the whole. >> we're really supportive of one another's relationships that way. i hear a lot of women in our community that are monogmous and
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they joke about wanting to have sister wives. >> it used to be illegal. you had grandparents that were prosecuted and jailed. >> all of our grandfathers were in prison. we feared the state and the government. i didn't grow up with the idea that police officers were friendly. that kind of fear was not healthy and we had to change that. >> a federal judge in utah recently did change it. this no cohabitation law was illegal. bigamy or trigamy is still illegal. who are you married to officially? >> getting multiple marriage licenses is still illegal, but i
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can have as many consensual relationships as i want. >> male animals fight for the right to impregnate the whole herd. what about that? >> there's men who spread their seed without responsibility. i'm taking responsibility. i don't think there's any harm in that. >> are you sex slaves or do you get to say no? >> i have a relationship with just him. she has a relationship with just him. the dynamics of our relationship is between he and i. we work that out like any couple. and no, to answer your question, we're not sex slaves. >> i notice in the animal kingdom this happens as well. sometimes the female says, get
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out of here. the big criticism of communities like yours often comes from people who say they escaped. this woman is an example of that. she was in a community. she said she had to sneak away. >> polygamy is about harems and the abuse of children and women. >> abuse of children and women. >> certainly not our experience. >> how common do you think it is? >> i was a former plural wife and that was not my experience. there was a breakdown in values. >> you were in another community like this and you left because you just said, i'm leaving. >> i didn't have to escape. i said, i'm leaving. this isn't working for me. >> and you joined this group? >> uh-huh. if i escaped, i wouldn't be coming back into it. >> here's fox's most popular
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anchor on polygamy. >> if you have a dad, seven moms, and 35 children. then you're going to have chaos in the home and the state is going to have to be responsible for some of that chaos. >> you're creating chaos and i have to pay for it. >> those are people who don't take responsibility and have illegitimate children. you don't get more traditional family values than us. we go back to biblical times. >> in biblical times, there were slaves. children get abused. who was youngest when you were married? >> 19. almost 20. >> are there people in your community who are 12, 13? >> absolutely not. >> that is child abuse. >> you have written a book about this and you wrote this to tell people, you don't have a clue.
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here's what love can really be like. >> i love all these of these women deeply and they love me and that's what it was about. >> thank you. coming up, a genuine scam. the way american lawyers make divorce even more painful. >> your valuables are all going to be sold to pay the lawyers and people like me. uffet. and not a "have just a little buffet". that's the idea behind the more everything plan. it's more of everything you want. for less. and now get 100 dollars off any smartphone. like the htc one m8. get more with our best plans on the best network. for best results, use verizon.
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. john: what happens when dearly beloved is not so dear or what happens when dearly beloved is not so dear or beloved? you've heard 50% of american marriages end in divorce. that number is all over the place, but it's not true. it's based on faulty statistics. the real number is lower. researchers say it is closer to 40% or maybe 30%. whatever the number, it's pretty high. some couples think divorce will solve their problems quickly soon discover divorce creates other problems. a lot of divorce is about business. >> it is a business. i'm not ashamed to say that.
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this is how i feed my family. this is i keep a roof over my head. >> he calls himself the king of divorce. >> your home, your valuables, are all going to be sold to pay the lawyers and people like me. >> it sounds so wrong. is it really true? let's ask the documentary's director. >> unfortunately, it's true. >> you're cherry picking the worse cases like we tend to do in the media business. >> we have highlighted some of the worst cases. if you look at our website, there are thousands of people who have experienced the same thing. >> we have this adversarial system that's not entirely unique to america, but we're the ones who really practice it. the lawyers say this is the way you get to the truth. you have a professional arguing one side and the other side. it brings justice. >> but it's not the way we should resolve family matters. there are children involved.
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there are people who used to love each other. maybe they still love each other, but they're having problems. that's a crazy way to resolve a family issue. >> are you saying if the couple doesn't want to hurl accusations the lawyers encourage it? >> if one side hurls an accusation and you don't hurl back, you could lose. in scandinavia, they don't go to court to resolve matters. >> it's a way to adjudicate what's true and fair. >> it's all about going your separate ways and doing what's best for the children. you don't need to have a fight to go your separate ways. >> what do they do in sweden, norway, denmark? >> they divide the marital
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assets. >> by themselves? >> they'll use an accountant or a mediator. they don't go to court. >> america goes to divorce courts. even if you're right, you pay because every minute you spend fighting means you have to pay your lawyers more. >> the judge says even if you win, you have to pay. the whole thing is just insane. >> the documentary is filled with what seems like clear injustice. >> my present wife of 26 years sends my ex-wife, who divorced me 30 some years ago, sending her a check every day. >> the judge told me i have to work two jobs in order to keep him out of jail. >> the judges make their decision often spending very little time on your case. >> all judges have the same middle name. god. >> you're saying they're playing god in five minutes. >> in the united states, there are so many divorces and so few
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judges. the judge has to hear every case. they have five or ten minutes to decide an issue. that's not enough time to figure out what's going on in a family or to recommend what's good befofor the family. >> i want to believe they want to do what's good for people. >> i think they want to do what's good for people. they often say criminal court are bad people on their best behavior. and family court is good people on their worst behavior. even though these are good people, because of the pressure they're under and the way the laws are written, everybody is motivated to do something that's not good for the family. >> some lawyers say one partner will take advantage of the other. >> i don't see that happening in sweden. >> the guy knows where the money is hidden. he'll trick the wife. >> if there's embezzlement or deceit, you go to civil court
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for that. in 90% of cases, people divide their assets fairly and equally. >> did you make this movie because you got divorced? >> i did get divorced. it's because of what i saw in family court while i was going through the process. i ended up fine, but so many people ended up bankrupt and lost their homes and children. what i saw was so shocking. >> i notice you haven't remarried. >> not yet. >> you're willing though despite -- >> once we change the laws. >> thank you. coming up, some good news about marriage. to buy a car, now is the time and truecar is the way. just go to truecar.com to lock in guaranteed savings... without negotiation. thank you! happy memorial day weekend!
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when you didn't dread when youbedtime becausenner with anticipaof heartburn.itation. when damage to your esophagus caused by acid reflux disease wasn't always on your mind. that's when you knew nexium was the prescription medication for you. because for over a decade nexium has provided many just like you with 24-hour relief from heartburn and helped heal acid-related erosions in the lining of the esophagus. and now the prescription nexium you know can be delivered directly to your door with nexium direct. talk to your doctor to see if nexium is right for you. there is risk of bone fracture and low magnesium levels. side effects may include headache, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. if you have persistent diarrhea, contact your doctor right away. other serious stomach conditions may exist. avoid if you take clopidogrel. for 24 hour support, automatic refills, and free home delivery,
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enroll at purplepill.com. it's the nexium you know, now delivered. was killed june 28,2005 in afghanistan. my husband's death was the hardest thing i've ever faced. the special operations warrior foundation stepped in to help. now you can help, too. purchase new cherry 5-hour energy now through july thirty-first and a portion of each sale benefits special operations warrior foundation to help families of fallen heroes. i will always miss my dad, but thanks to special operations warrior foundation i will never feel alone. ♪
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we are volvo of sweden. . john: finally, tonight let's end on a happy note. finally, tonight let's end on a happy note. america has a long history of racism, slavery, jim crowe and displays of racism that make america seem like a very divided country. >> i'm just saying in your lousy [ bleep ] instagrams, you don't have to have yourself walking with black people. >> let's look at another measure of race relations in america. interracial marriage, it's up 23%. every year, more people from
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different races choose to marry. there aren't many better ways to show accept of racial difference than this. almost one in every six marriages in 2010 was people from different races. they were sentenced to a year in jail. it took nine years before the supreme court ruling on the lovings case declared bans on interracial marriage unconstitutional. today there are dating websites who cater to americans who like differences, who seek them out. karen tried to it expand her dating options. >> i went on and met a very nice man. >> one year after they met, they got married. >> everyone should love who they love and let it be at that. >> makes sense to me.
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love who you love, regardless of race or gender or number, even. leave government out of it. that's our show. see you next week. i'm chris wallace. s former vice president dick cheney and his wife, lynn, in their first joint interview since leaving the white house. >> there has developed over the years of the obama administration, i think, a sense on the part of others that we have a weak government. >> we discuss ukraine, ben fwauzy, and ask mrs. cheney why on earth they would want to see lewinsky back in the public eye. dick and lynne cheney only on fox news sunday. >> the controversy over hillary clinton. >> i think she had a traumatic brain episode. >> she is

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