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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  March 22, 2024 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT

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>> sean: unfortunately that is all the time we have left this evening only 220 days to go until election day thank you for being with us please set your dvr so you never miss an episode of hannity in the meantime greg gutfeld is standing by i hope you and your family have a great weekend.
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>> i know i agree greg craig greg it is friday you know what that means let's welcome tonight's guest his hair enters the room five months before he does the host of jesse watters primetime and author of the new book get together jesse watters he has arms of steel and legs of titanium the fox news contributor johnny joey jones in college she once experimented with food the new york times best-selling author and fox news contributor cat tiff and win a total tracking the toe they call him the new york times best
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selling author comedian and former interviewee world champion tyrus before we get to some news stories let's do this. >> greg: its leftovers why read the jokes we did news this weekend is my first time reading them so if they suck we will punish joe mackey by making him read jesse's book. today is young as you feel day to celebrate president biden is planning a quiet dinner with his and ballmer to prepare for the november rematch the biden campaign officials trying to refresh voters memories of trump's presidency meanwhile jill is trying to refresh joe's memories of this morning hundred biden has declined an invitation to testify next week in a public hearing before the house oversight committee he says he needs time to pick out a new
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outfit on wednesday vice president kamala harris released her pick for the ncaa best of all tournament final four picks wine space then diagram yellow school bus. >> endorsing arizona conger's men ruben gallego for senate he welcomed the endorsements and great does that mean that i won't end up dead because she kills people a team of trackers found a pile of snakes totaling 500 pounds in the south florida area last month it breaks the old record for largest amount of snakes found in one area cent just weeks ago don lemon said that antidepressants help him get through his firing at cnn
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coincidentally antidepressants are what viewers used to help them get through watching cnn one of lemon's demands for working for x. was the company help him do the first podcast in space but investors were worried the spaceship wouldn't crash the actress sidney sweeney spotted in new york city with her fianée fans said it was great to see the two of them together i don't get it stormy daniels says she hopes she will be called as a witness in the donald trump trial so she can confront him face-to-face since the last time they were together all he saw was the top of her head for the
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seventh year in a row finland was voted the world's happiest country you would be happy to if you didn't have the internet travis kelce has spent over $8 million while dating taylor swift with that kind of money i hope he got her to p. on him like it hasn't been in the news, please nyc opening up their first crying's ball where you can go to weep for an hour i tried to go but the address that i put in the gps kept leading me to kill meade's dressing room cia internal documents say that cross-dressing made it one employee a better intelligence officer i guess we found our next james bond woman complained
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that after she ordered from the kids menu for herself off the room service menu at a hotel the person that came to her door asked where is the kid if i had a dollar for every time they asked me that nashville pd has dropped the physical ability test in order to get more female officers they may not be able to catch criminals but at least they can bore them to death by telling them about their day candace owens no longer at the daily wire after claiming she would stake her career on the belief that french president emmanuel macron's wife is actually a man we go to microns wife or comment. >> i told you so candace best of luck to moving forward a
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billionaire potato farmer known as the spud king has died at age 83 his family decided to have an open casket according to an op-ed to pays are the newest luxury in the world as they become more realistic than ever tell me about it says one man and a new survey reveals the most unpopular sex position coming in at number 1 any position with jesse watters all right to let's do the news the elites give the nod to election fraud a new poll shows the country's top 1 percent overwhelmingly think it is okay to win an election buy cheating and surprise they are educated
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live in big cities and are liberal in a worse recipe than a birthday cake made with ozempic the poll question suppose your favourite candidate loses a close election but people in the campaign know they can win by cheating without being caught would you rather have your candidate when buy cheating or lose by playing fair among all americans only 7 percent supported cheating to win but that jumped to 35 percent among the elite and buy elites we mean people who think that borders are bad until it migrants end up squatting at their beachfront property no doubt those people the reason cheering for trump not just audience but tried preventing nothing from winning even if that means cheating or destroying lives right now you have a hyper- partisan liberal attorney general making good on her campaign to make trump's life hell breaking laws to twist a common real estate practice into fraud good luck to all future presidents who will be
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sued by any liberal da with an axe to grind and come this monday of trump doesn't pony up a ludicrous 406 to 4 million-dollar bond his accounts can be frozen or begin seizing properties like shading jesse's back it's a long arduous process is also illegal one james is by letting the law by weatherizing her office for political process boasting she would get trump and then using a little-known law with nothing to do do do it and then violating the eighth amendment which outlaws excessive fines everyone including the libs agree on that point with the media which is part of this 1 percent remain silent why is that trump posted this on truth social quote through hard work and townsend luck i currently have almost $500 million in cash a substantial amount of which i intend to use in my campaign for president there you have it the constitutional abuse is meant to
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drain him of all his campaign funds of course a half billion seems excessive but it's even more absurd win there is no one of restitution worse they are literally willing to destroy an industry and perhaps the future economy of new york just to get back at evil orange godzilla because no one in their right mind would invest here if you know that what you own could be illegally confiscated if a cultural marxist sets her sights on you you can hate trump all you want to but once your hate trump is the law personal liberty and your private property who is the real monster those cheering this on who have not bothered to contemplate the consequences critics say the left is destroying democracy to say that they are actually just destroying democracy it is up to us to save it jesse good to have you here. >> it's not great to be here.
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>> it's going to get better i always say that do you have a sports metaphor to describe what they are doing to trump. >> will i know that you don't know anything about sports because you called it the in seat to a. >> greg: what's it called. >> ncaa. >> i know that. >> i would sit like that if i was you also. >> greg: why don't you answer the question jesse. >> i've heard evincing some unkind things about you. >> greg: that's true. >> i just want to prove i don't have a micropenis. >> i knew you should have called out today. >> you say that every day but i will show you my not show harry back first what was your stupid question? >> greg: i asked for sports metaphor. >> about seizing property.
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>> greg: are about what they're doing in the election. >> so this is like you're playing the new england patriots and instead of playing fair here just diving at tom brady's knees these are cheap shots these are illegal hits and they should just play this fair and square do you understand that analogy did you know what football was greg. >> greg: i was just hoping for something better. >> you spent most of high school diving at tom brady's knees right. >> i thought he spent most of my school on his knees. >> greg: oh my goodness how low we have sunk with you on this show joey what do you make of this is it not weird that people in the media are not bothering to admit this could come back to haunt them. >> it is insane to me i sit here and watch this and think i lost my legs for a country that can do this that's what the sacrifice was four to take tums property away but they don't understand the power of a broke
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trump if they actually took his money away what is he going to do he's going to be president so much quicker because all of my family down in georgia the doesn't have a lot they look at him and say he's just like us. >> greg: now he's one of us. >> greg: i had a sports metaphor for you. >> ovoid. >> greg: here we are what they are doing to trump is exactly what tonya harding tried to do to nancy carrigan instead of compete she hired a hitman to take out her leg see jesse in your face. >> okay. [ simultaneous talking ] >> from decades and decades ago. >> but the perfect one. >> but i think is more that it's not shocking that it's 1 percent people because i think having money can make a lot of thanks better can make you better looking can give you a better seat on the airplane it can get a better vacation or better house it does not make you a
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better person does not make you a smarter person that does not mean that you know better than other person what is best for them and i think that can start to happen where they truly think they are doing the right thing all of these people think they like trump because they're not as smart as i am in money can make you feel that way but if you or someone like that you're the worst kind of person you need to take a long look at yourself in the worst fluorescent lighting that you can find until you realize that actually what makes you a good person is being honest and respecting other people. >> are you sure that having money makes you better looking at me look at this guy. >> i said it can. >> from a guy who spends a long time looking at himself in the mirror but it doesn't do you much good tyrus do you predict anything from monday will he have to fork over the one i predict 46 albertans help he pays it in all one's i would go to every bank e-mail of your pennies and nickels he should have a dump truck dump at all on
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their then they have to counted and make sure you shorted that would be. >> can let you should count? >> we don't know but she will have 500 million chances to get it right i would handle it that way and if you want a football term their high lowing him one taking them at the knees one at the chest but i think what they are doing is because this is not new this was happening to black families in the fifties when they tried to get loans for homes it's the same play they take their money they raise the rates they make it impossible for them to pay and they say sorry were taking your home and reprising her account this is an old playbook that democrats have been doing for centuries they just brought it back and what this will do is a lot of the
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older people in the black community will remember this [ bleep ] a lot of people that were poor trying to come up to get loans a lot of farmers will remember this [ bleep ] and what is happening is whether they it's not going to be republicans that elect president trump she's going to get president trump elected joe scarborough on tv this morning talking about it is trump's fault at the border keep saying that stuff because he doesn't have to pay any money to campaign does not do anything if he has a basement at mara lago now is the time to go in it and she'll it's a lot cooler his is probably gold with a big-screen tv may be some new technology that we don't even know about the just chill. >> the second back president. >> the third black president i don't care like lemon i would have cheated to my feeling of you you wouldn't do it? you're a liar you're full of it pantsuit every day at the dinner
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table telling you what to do maker president come on man. >> will that went in we are direction. >> like jesse's penis up next the latest disorder in the wide-open border.
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>> today's video of the day comes from el paso where several hundred illegals reached the border fence and attacked guards roland doris shouts out >> i haven't seen that many men threatening to escape sins will be goldberg said she'd pulled
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her own finger meanwhile over at him as an bc joe scarborough blamed the whole thing on trump. >> this headline the only thing the post didn't tell you is donald trump said blame me for this donald trump said kill the bill and blamed me for everything that happens after this point donald trump said blame me so yes donald we are blaming you there is an onslaught of the southern border still and it is all donald trump's fault. >> greg: crazy man on the subway makes no sense trump is not president joe biden's president and he was the one that rolled back all of trump's immigration policies that would have prevented this crap think about your logic hits like miko
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blaming joe exploit for divorcing him in to making her mary jo but these days joe's brains are in the same place as his balls miko's purse joey you mentioned the block and this is what you fight for is this what you fought for to watch boundaries imploding. >> the difference between the military and cops is cops have to treat their combatants with respect, cops have to treat combatants as people they are protecting because it usually american citizens in the military we go overseas and if you attack me i shoot you that's what the privileges i have in war this national guard opportunity those people are essentially attacking them violently i'm not advocating that they shoot them but my point is you are taking it military personnel to secure the border and putting them in that situation acting like police officers and that's not what they are then not police officers and not peace officers they are military and they're there to protect us because we
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are being invaded but we see there is nothing they can do they are there is a form of intonation with is nothing they can physically do our government has absolutely gone south the steel that trump paid for that has been sitting down at the border for all of these years because joe biden doesn't want to put it in the ground and build the wall they're giving it away to other national parks my buddy who works there go and e-mail saying come get this deal we don't want it so when joe scarborough gets an e-mail saying the secure border pay for the tardy pay for your paying not to secure the border and either giving it away. >> greg: take our steel it's a steel cat is this a result of combining two things you can't have together and open border and free stuff. >> yes absolutely think that this will continue to happen because as a capitalist i believe that people are governed by incentives and you can say you should not come here but if you come here we give you a bunch of free stuff so people will still come here and that needs to be addressed i didn't actually watch the video until
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just now i can't believe that is real i mean you can shout dnc talking points as loud as you want but that doesn't mean people will actually believe them don't think anybody actually believes not only that this is trump's faults but that it is all trump's fault i don't know how you walk out of there thinking i did a good job on that one that is actually bizarro to watch. >> greg: and early in the morning. >> exactly. >> greg: he's been up it's crazy to be that crazy so early usually i get like that at 7:00. >> at night. >> greg: at night tyrus joey used the word invasion i think that's a bit harsh. >> it's an invasion 100 percent i am concerned for the well-being of our soldiers down there because they are being told and a hamstring they're being told they can't use force they can have their assault rifles they have to if they want to bring you have to understand the reason these young men are running every one of them is in
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debt tens of thousands of dollars to cartels they have to get across because they have to pay that bill and the cartel is not just going to add interest to it they are going to take a limb off of your family member and send it to you so he is dealing with invaders who are here for a purpose being funded by drug cartels in different south american mafia groups and our soldiers are just there like a please stop let our soldiers be soldiers if a soldier has a tank and he is in it when they're running that's going to change their mind even enough to the artillery but is there instead of saying it like oh run from them if they touch us they get fired their career is ruined ask anyone on border control ask the poor bastards on horseback all of that stuff everyone of them not just they were morally destroyed for protecting our country their families they were
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racist everything they can immediate is everything they can our soldiers out there with hands in their pockets against guys that have nothing to lose that is young man with nothing to lose it is dangerous and it never stops and scarborough how low-budget are you that you couldn't have it up behind you on the screen he had to hold it up this is he is holding it up it is not even it is wrinkled like you thought this is one of those impromptu things he did that when he put down he went to commercial he was like yes and the producer was like are you blind white we put up with this guy because miko said so no one watches this get together we laugh he makes easel graphs on the white paper none of us can read because of the glare but he's cool and this guys not.
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>> i do have to just take issue with one thing that tyrus and i don't think that they are rushing the border because they are in debt they think they are rushing the border to get my book. >> greg: is that because your book is free? this is a surprise for everyone just go to his website he will give you a free book. >> that's right. >> greg: that was interesting thank you for nothing jesse up next a witness to high to testify
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>> greg: five words that witness to wasted to testify.
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>> can i get a water were something i am so high right now i will tell a lie. >> greg: that was honest a witness for the prosecution in the criminal trial involving the wrapper young followed he was trying to prove mr thugs it presents at the presence of a drive-by shooting back in 2013 but he is frequently been forgetful and unreliable on the stand do you think this was it he's strategy. >> or he was maybe trying to cope listen if we run that tape again that runs like me wednesday thursday friday night at the house it really does around 9:00 on, you know, you want to watch a movie know i really can't right now so i
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don't think it's just in court i think he really i don't know you is honest with the best time to question him i think everybody should behind that stand because they're gonna talk. >> greg: that's true. >> toke up go give some justice and probably they will solve the mystery of the murder while they are high. >> greg: we could know who killed jfk. >> in seven minutes if everybody tokes out we can solve something by the end of the day the problem is we will remember it as the thing but will solve it world hunger? we'll solve it but we won't tell anybody. >> greg: and will eat everything cat does tyrus have a point may be being your best thinking honest thinking under the influence. >> no i think it can make you think that you are thinking the best i think we would all leave here thinking that we had a great we have like ten business ideas and then we wake up and be
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like how do i tell that person i'm definitely not going to do that one person got that god at we appreciate your honesty hi hi this has to be a plant because it is a very high person that can't be an accident i feel like if you want to go in and be a good witness you might want to just weight or maybe just like medium-high don't get that high so maybe it was like less than they didn't want to be trusted they don't want to be in that position. >> greg: he was probably going to get shot if he testified so this was his way out. >> it is creative. >> greg: very creative. >> it may limit your job opportunities in most fields. >> why did they have the microphone may be i'm high right now why do they have the microphone wearing a mask. >> greg: the microphone is
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wearing a mask that's the story that's the story how did we miss that microphone is wearing a mask. >> you have to get high that's the only way. >> greg: a lot of masks suffering from long covid. >> or micro covid. >> greg: micro covid. >> buy the way we know who killed jfk was the cia. >> greg: that's very true thank you tucker carlson p5 do you think you was maybe just sleepy from reading your book? >> i'm glad you mentioned the book brag it's called get it together tales from the liberal french. >> greg: he claims he's addicted to md may but i don't
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think that was mdma. >> no mdma is due to go on a spare walk that was not there at walk here is the deal to things i want to point out number 1 this shows how weak our generation is absolutely weak because if it was al capone on trial and a witness was going to testify against him they wouldn't just show him like i'm too high to tell the truth they would just be dead they would have cinderblocks for feet with this new generation they're just going to get you high and send you in there to turn you back the other thing is this is in fulton county georgia and pretty sure that if fani willis was sitting there the other week talking all kinds of [ bleep ] has a george and i just want to apologize for america that this is what we present you with a couple weeks in a row a corrupt da talking about her sex life and now again that's too high to tell on themselves so there's been nothing good in fulton county. >> greg: has to be hard to defend yourself in court as well as your name is young thug.
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>> greg: he's a fine upstanding citizen young thug all right coming up a well-deserved blog for man who wears around
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>> greg: known for his great hair and writing with flair but not me you may have heard the
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second best looking guy on the five has a new book out is called get it together troubling deals from the liberal friends let's talk to him about it because god nose you haven't talked about it enough who is your ghostwriter? >> i'm too high can't remember. >> greg: i have to admit that i pleasantly surprised you actually did a real book i mean you actually interviewed people. >> is the bar that low? >> greg: yes you actually interviewed you had to sit and talk to people for hours. >> well i didn't talk i listened which is something you need to work on. >> nice. >> well i should have been preparing for the five i listen to some of these crazy characters and thank you for carrying the show for the past couple of years. >> greg: how long did you
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spend on the book? >> i don't even remember i don't even want to talk about it anymore. >> greg: me and you both actually how did you feel when you were number 1 on amazon and radical political thought you be out the unit bomber and karl marx and the anarchist cookbook. >> i am not the radical put a goal thinker it was the radicals in the book who i interviewed do you understand how they do the rankings? >> greg: i get it the subject matter. >> what you are unfamiliar with because you didn't have the time to read my book even though it has been out for a week. >> greg: well i am very busy. >> he still working on hours peasant one your bookie hasn't read my book and you also have the book here's the problem everyone that box has a damn book you're all expected to buy
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it and you will you did interview some crazy people a trans woman that identifies as a wolf. >> the wolf and traumatic childhood ended up identifying as a wolf spiritually and now goes to wolf preserves and snuggles and wrestles around with the wolves in the wild. >> greg: to the wolves respect the safe space? >> they have not been bitten. >> is coming. >> it is coming. >> greg: what was the wildest story in your book?
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>> the eco- sexual was something i was unfamiliar with this person derives sexual pleasure from engaging in nature so they go to the beach and bury themselves in the same and and the weight of the sand turns them on where they have partnered take a branch and with them with the tree branch and i asked since you are kind of sexually involved with mother nature does that make you a lesbian and she said i don't consider mother earth mother i consider her they mother. >> greg: any chance for sql? >> i'll have to ask my ghost writer. >> greg: this does feel like a fox nation reduce on camera how would that go you had a few people on your show. >> we have had the person who works to legalize prostitution we have had the drug legalization person you were not available and were having the
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ecosexual on tonight we had the them to the prison character on a very similar show to the show that you do. >> greg: we are very diverse here thank you good luck with whatever it is that you're doing i've already forgotten what the interview was about off next we reply to the questions you supply.
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>> greg: i think we have time for one question it's a good one from ted's name one thing your parents said you was a child that you thought was nonsense at the time but now you completely agree with the idea today tyrus. >> my mom when i was 13 i had to get a physical for football and i had a yeast infection which boys don't usually get yeast infections unless they are you know so my mother brought me
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home. >> i don't know, tell me. >> it involves a person with ava china i was not successful but i was close enough to get the gift and when she brought me home she went to the garage and got a pair of sheer cutters and said listen if you're going to run around and stick your thing and make babies all just in this right now i'm not doing this and she left it on the fireplace so whenever i came down in the morning to have some cereal and get ready to start the day and my brother said what's the and i said she's been cut our things off if we touch girls and as an adult now she was right i love my four babies but my mom was right. >> i really hoped i was going when going there my dad said a
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lot of thanks that were funny like don't complain about the rain complain about the timing because when you live in an agricultural area you need the rain but i wanted to drink so my granddad's coffee when i was little he said void don't drink that it will put led in their pistol before you're old enough old enough to write anybody and i didn't understand that for a very long time and he was correct half the time i drink coffee. >> greg: cat please take this out of this disturbing pattern of answers. >> mine is a lot different from those i didn't really think that i needed to do a lot of other classes in school when i was in grade school because i knew for a fact that i wanted to grow up and write novels about shipwrecks and i am glad that i learned other things because i don't want to do that now. >> greg: they told you about
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other interests. >> i was like i already know but i've never even written a single book about a shipwreck and i don't intend to. >> greg: good for you. >> thank you. >> greg: it's good to know that jesse what did your parents say to you that you felt was nonsense but now makes total sense. >> i don't care greg i don't room or what they said i'm just happy to be on your show to talk about get together and i just want to thank you and thank you and thank everyone here for buying the book and loving me and loving greg it's been a great show it's truly been a great show i didn't think it would be a great show i had very low expectations and dearly delivered so thank you. >> greg: thank you jesse. >> what a jerk. >> greg: we have to move on don't go away will be right back
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(police sirens) active ten eighty nine. the threat says, “the bombs will blow up tonight. jews will die. they deserve to die.” get everybody and just come to our church. thank you for welcoming us in. and now, we call elliot to the torah as a bar mitzvah. meet the jennifers. jen x. jen y. and jen z. each planning their future through the chase mobile app. jen x is planning a summer in portugal
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with some help from j.p. morgan wealth plan. let's go whiskers. jen y is working with a banker to budget for her birthday. you only turn 30 once. and jen z? her credit's golden. hello new apartment. three jens getting ahead with chase. solutions that grow with you. one bank for now. for later. for life. chase. make more of what's yours. >> we are out of time. thank you to jesse watters, johnny, tyrus, our studio audience, "fox news @ night" with --'s next. i love you, america. [ applause ] >> trace: evening everybody, i'm kevin korchinski trace gallagher. 8:00 pm at west, 1

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