Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 4, 2023 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

11:35 pm
previously on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> a warren county, new jersey, police department is in touch with contractors and planning security upgrades after police say a man intentionally drove his car into the station. no one was injured. while this video doesn't have sound, county prosecutors said the driver had guns n' roses blasting from his car as he put
11:36 pm
up his hands in a celebratory manner. [ laughter ] lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- wanda sykes, cassidy hutchinson, and music from lany. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. thank you, i appreciate it. welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us on a very special day, a very holy day of guacamole here in the united states. it is national taco day today. [ cheers ] why would they have taco day on wednesday? isn't tuesday the taco day? >> guillermo: yeah, taco tuesday, yeah. >> jimmy: everything is so screwed up. [ laughter ] did you get that text from the
11:37 pm
emergency alert system today? the federal government let everyone know our phones would be getting an alert message at 2:20 eastern, 11:20 a.m. our time today. everyone's phones made a terrible noise at once. and of course, because everyone is crazy now, the conspiracy goblins were out in force warning anyone who will listen that it's all part of the globalist plan to mutate us when the vaccines get hit with 5g. [ laughter ] >> pathogens can be released by different frequencies. pulsed through the 5g network. >> if you got the shots, the odds are, according to u.s. law, that you are owned by the patent owners. you are a new species. >> the worst-case scenario is it activates people and makes them aggressive, and we see the hutus and the tutsis recreated in america. >> there's worse parts to it, including a gene deletion that effectively will turn those poor people into zombies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: into zombies.
11:38 pm
the phones are gonna turn us into zombies. our phones already turned us into zombies. [ laughter ] and by the way, zombies eat brains. none of you guys have anything to worry about. [ laughter ] but if you were concerned that your phone will somehow trigger a zombie transformation, there was a simple thing you could do to prevent it. >> first, it's important you both turn off your phones and laptops and put them in faraday bags. theoretically -- >> or a microwave. or your microwave. don't turn on it, but the microwave is a faraday cage itself. >> jimmy: yes. definitely turn the microwave on, put your phone in it, put it on the popcorn setting for 18 minutes. [ laughter ] try to get your head in there too. [ cheers and applause ] i mean -- okay. so let's break this down for a second. so these nuts think this is a conspiracy, whatever. if this was a conspiracy to turn us into zombies, why would the government announce it in advance?
11:39 pm
"just to let you know, zombie time is 2:20 eastern on wednesday." [ laughter ] in the old days, people like your dad or your uncle would think these people were crazy. but now, you even see this stuff on allegedly mainstream "news" channels. >> season two of "triple confidential" is back. 5g technology. is it the reason your grandson is a gay? we dial in on your isp's some say bill gates and oprah secretly own the world's fresh water. facebook suggested poisoning it with fluoride to make you enjoy rap music. what are they hiding? jews, we all know they caused hurricane katrina, but what are they planning with their space lasers? eight planets, eight nights of chanukah, that adds up to 16. the same number of letters in barbra streisand's name if you add an extra "a" here.
11:40 pm
will yentyl go mental and blow up the cosmos? "triple confidential" on fox nation, hosted by jfk jr. and sasquatch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the american dream. speaking of crazy, are you following the goings-on in congress? we got a new episode of "the house floor is lava" last night. [ laughter ] the search is on for a new speaker after the maga monkeys kicked out kevin mccarthy. the ins and outs of how it happened are complicated, but basically kevin mccarthy went through the political equivalent of getting pantsed in front of the whole school, then having a squirrel bite you on the penis. [ laughter ] mccarthy was ousted by the lunatic fringe of his own party. it is the first time ever in the history of this country that a speaker has been removed. now they need a new speaker. and the klan mom, marjorie taylor greene, has a great idea. she thinks it should be donald trump. >> we want him back as
11:41 pm
president, why not make him speaker of the house? even if it's an interim speaker while we work to find another speaker. anyone that wants to run for speaker, the only way to earn my vote is to beat president trump. >> jimmy: he's never going to have sex with you, marge! [ laughter ] stop it! he's a married man! [ cheers and applause ] as nutty as it sounds, the constitution does not require that the speaker of the house be a member of congress. technically, any american can be the speaker. and according to sean hannity, trump might be into this. >> sources telling me at this hour, some house republicans have been in contact with and have started an effort to draft former president donald trump to be the next speaker. and i have been told that president trump might be open to helping the republican party, at least in the short-term. >> jimmy: did he say draft? don't use the word "draft." it gives trump bone spurs. [ laughter ]
11:42 pm
could you imagine this? there isn't enough insanity in the house right now. they want to bring in donald trump to come settle things down? the man has 91 felony counts against him, and he's in the middle of a $250 million fraud trial in new york. but that doesn't mean he isn't considering the job. >> would you take the job? >> a lot of people have asked me about it. i'm focused. i don't know -- i'm sure you know from the papers, i'm leading by like 50 points for president. my focus is totally on that. if i can help them during the process, i would do it. >> jimmy: the same guy who sent hundreds of dangerous imbeciles to poop on the floor of that same building wants to help. [ laughter ] although i guess in some ways, it makes sense. republicans need a speaker, and the way things are going right now in court, pretty soon, trump might need a house. [ laughter ] meanwhile, rudy giuliani is back at the center of another trump investigation. count drunkula is said to be in the crosshairs of special council jack smith.
11:43 pm
federal prosecutors have reportedly been looking into rudy's drinking. they want to know was giuliani drunk when he told the president to fight the election results, did trump know giuliani was drunk, and who threw up all over mike pence's dockers? [ laughter ] there was a big story today in the "new york times" about giuliani's drinking. he strongly denies being an alcoholic, even though you can clearly see there's an espresso martini leaking out of his head. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i have to say, though, i was thinking about giuliani, and the saddest thing about it is if they weren't on opposite sides of the fence, rudy and hunter biden would probably have a really good time together. [ laughter ] as you know, the writers' strike is over. but not only are members of the actors' unions still out on the picket line, today, more than 75,000 employees of kaiser permanente walked off the job as well. it's the largest healthcare strike in american history. which is bad news for anybody they left in the mri machine.
11:44 pm
[ laughter ] kaiser employees are fighting for better pay, which they deserve, better benefits. they're looking for -- they want hospital gowns that actually cover their patients' hideous butts. [ laughter ] striking employees include nursing staff, receptionists, pharmacists, and optometrists. optometrists must make great picketers. "which middle finger looks clearer? this one or this one?" [ laughter ] the writers' strike lasted 148 days, which was a very long time for us to be out. it went on so long, guillermo and i started looking at fall-back careers. right? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy, yes. >> jimmy: do you remember what we did? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, cooking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. we went through the want ads and found a line of work called "cooking" that seemed to be fun and delicious. [ laughter ] >> hi, welcome to benihana.
11:45 pm
>> jimmy: nice to meet you, thank you for having us. you're going to instruct us in the ways of the benihana chef? >> yes, rule number one, please don't cut yourself. >> jimmy: don't cut yourself, okay, that's good. i was planning to do that, okay. >> rule number two, as you see, the grill is hot. >> jimmy: don't touch that either? >> don't touch that either. we have to introduce ourselves for the guests. konnichiwa. >> guillermo: konnichiwa. >> jimmy: konnichiwa. >> cross and bend, three seconds. japanese people, we bend each other. >> jimmy: you bend each other? why there are so many, right, right. next step, we're going to serve the sauces. >> jimmy: one time i was at benihana, and i saw rick springfield sitting at another table. that's my benihana story. he did the song "jessie's girl." you know that song? >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: you know that song? he wanted to steal jesse's girlfriend from his friend because she was so attracted to
11:46 pm
him. >> guillermo: oh, wow. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i saw him at a benihana. you ever served him? >> no, i don't think so. >> jimmy: great. >> simple. one, right? and catch. you can make some noise a little bit. >> jimmy: make noise. >> fried rice. we have egg. you know the japanese egg roll? >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is japanese egg roll. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: people laugh when you do that? >> yeah, usually. >> guillermo: what a great joke. >> i'm going to close with this, right? >> jimmy: okay. right now they disappear? >> guillermo: oh my god. >> jimmy: oh, wow, it's like magic. >> magic. >> jimmy: give the egg a spin, go like -- all right, there we go, and look at that, how many eggs are in there? i got it right here! now listen, i know you got a book full of jokes, right? the chefs use? this is like the beniha-h
11:47 pm
of jokes. when someone's cell phone rings, use the shake tore answer. >> hello, pellow? >> jimmy: that's good. we want to get the bottom surface there cooking. >> scrape from the bottom and mix, mix, mix. >> guillermo: oh, wow. >> now we're going to do the eggs. right? once you get this point, you can put on top of the rice. very good. >> jimmy: mix it all up? >> all together. there you go. >> guillermo: what time we bring the beer? >> japanese sake. >> jimmy: guillermo, let's focus here. >> guillermo: let's focus, all right. >> the good stuff. >> jimmy: that's the benihana secret. >> guillermo: oh my god. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's another trick i can show you. >> guillermo: what? >> rice bowl. >> guillermo: oh, wow. no, i'm going to have an accident. >> no, it's easy, trust me. one, two -- >> >> guillermo: okay, if i drop it -- >> you got it.
11:48 pm
>> guillermo: hey! >> jimmy: beautiful. >> guillermo: you want one, jimmy? >> jimmy: no, i'm all right, thank you. >> guillermo: like japanese tequila. wow! >> jimmy: wow! ♪ >> you cut too much meat here, look at this. >> guillermo: i'm a little bit drunk, maybe. >> jimmy: is it okay to eat the food while you're cooking it? do you ever have a little snack? >> did you eat it? that's not done. >> jimmy: still tasted good. what did a mushroom say to another mushroom? "you are a fun guy." i'm going to have to hire some of these writers. >> guillermo: yeah, that's it? >> looks good, huh? >> jimmy: you think we're ready now to cook for customers? it tastes very good. >> you can cook your friend, maybe. >> jimmy: what do you say, chef? >> good job, very good. >> jimmy: i mean, about cooking for customers. >> uh --
11:49 pm
[ laughter ] >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: hello, ladies. >> guillermo: how are you? how are you doing? >> jimmy: konnichiwa. >> guillermo: konnichiwa. >> jimmy: my name's chef jimmy, this is chef guillermo. we just learned how to do this, so bear with us. whose birthday about it? happy birthday, teresa. i'm going to tell you something, guillermo's a little drunk also. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: get that rice, will you, guillermo? are we trained for almost 40 minutes, so you're in very, very good hands. by the way, why does he have the erect hat, mine is flaccid? do you guys know what the filet mignon said to the t-bone? "nice to meatcha." >> guillermo: how are we doing? >> jimmy: now we're going to --
11:50 pm
hey! >> guillermo: yeah! >> jimmy: there you go, birthday girl. watch this, birthday girl. hey! oh! sorry. all right, ready? oh! there you go. whoa! we're getting pretty good at this, guillermo. >> guillermo: yes! >> jimmy: extra rice? i know where i'll put this rice, hold on. there you go. all right. >> guillermo: all right! >> jimmy: all right, you get to -- we nemade a little bit of mess here. let's start putting that on plates. >> guillermo: put it on top of the rice. >> jimmy: putting it on the rice. that's the new chef jimmyhana way. and we've done it. let's have a toast to the birthday girl! happy birthday. >> guillermo: happy birthday! >> jimmy: be honest, i'd like you to rate us both. do we have what it takes to be benihana chefs?
11:51 pm
[ laughter ] >> are the guests happy? >> jimmy: happy guests. konnichiwa! >> guillermo: konnichiwa! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good tonight. cassidy hutchinson is here. we've got music from lany. and we'll be right back with wanda sykes.
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
11:54 pm
thousands of women with metastatic breast cancer, are living in the moment and taking ibrance. ibrance with an aromatase inhibitor is for adults with hr+/her2- metastatic breast cancer as the first hormonal based therapy. ibrance plus letrozole significantly delayed disease progression versus letrozole. ibrance may cause low white blood cell counts that may lead to serious infections. ibrance may cause severe inflammation of the lungs. both of these can lead to death. tell your doctor if you have new or worsening chest pain, cough, or trouble breathing. before taking ibrance, tell your doctor if you have fever, chills, or other signs of infection, liver or kidney problems, are or plan to become pregnant, or are breastfeeding. for more information about side effects
11:55 pm
talk to your doctor. be in your moment. ask your doctor about ibrance. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello there, welcome back. tonight, she's a former trump white house assistant, and like many unhappy trumpers, an author. her book is called "enough." cassidy hutchinson is with us. [ cheers and applause ] later on, a very talented duo from right here in l.a. this is their album, "a beautiful blur." it came out last week. music from lany. [ cheers and applause ] you can see lany on tour starting next year on february 13 in this raleigh, north carolina. tomorrow night, our guests are dax shepard, nicole avant, and music from boy with uke. please join us for that. our first guest is a disproportionately funny human
11:56 pm
being who is nominated for three emmys, including two for her netflix comedy special "wanda sykes: i'm an entertainer." please say hello to wanda sykes. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's great to see you. thank you for flying out here from your home to be here tonight, i appreciate it. >> of course, of course. i mean, come on, we're back, it's good to be out here. [ cheers and applause ] well, technically, half of me is back. >> jimmy: half of you is back. >> the writer side, i'm back. the actor side is pissed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hopefully they'll get that worked out. >> hopefully, yes, hopefully, yes. >> jimmy: did you have the phone go off on the plane? i know you flew in this
11:57 pm
afternoon. >> luckily, i was on the ground when the phone went off. and it was early because it was supposed to be 2:20. at 2:18 -- >> jimmy: that's right. >> everything went off. i'm glad i wasn't in the bathroom. [ laughter ] my phone would be in the toilet right now. scared the hell out of me. >> jimmy: i was waiting for it at 2:20. it scared me when it went off at 2:18. you get on a plane, do people -- do they get excited, want to talk to you? when they see you coming? >> here's the thing. because, you know -- we fly a lot. so i have, like, you know -- like on american, i'm damn near two miles away from being a pilot. [ laughter ] so i get to board early, whatever. and so i don't think people are happy to see me when i cut past wheelchairs and everything. [ laughter ] "out of the way, i've got to get my drink before we take off!" you know. but they're great. and man, they did a great job
11:58 pm
getting you on that plane this morning because i was so late. >> jimmy: were you? >> i was late getting to the airport. >> jimmy: they were helpful? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: wow, that almost never happens anymore. >> no, no, they were great. because the flight was pretty much closed. >> jimmy: they let you through? >> i think two heart attacks, but i got on. [ laughter ] i gotta see jimmy! >> jimmy: do people ever mistake you for another celebrity? >> yes. yes. and you're going to think this is nuts. but if i tell you it happened in new orleans, you'll believe it. they thought i was lenny kravitz. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and i'm so sorry, lenny. i apologize to lenny. but yeah. >> jimmy: that's not bad at all. >> i was like, good, i guess lenny must be working on his pecs, you know? [ laughter ]
11:59 pm
>> jimmy: i know you are very interested in politics. have you been following what's been going on this week? >> oh, lord. jimmy, it's -- you know -- i want to enjoy my summer and enjoy -- i had to turn it off. >> jimmy: you did? >> it's so crazy. it's beyond crazy. so i'm a little behind. >> jimmy: you are? how behind are you? >> i'm behind on the craziness. oh, did you hear that johnny depp and amber heard are having marital issues? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? oh my gosh. i hope they're able to -- i'm sure they'll come to a normal resolution. >> i hope so. yeah. >> jimmy: you and your wife are celebrating a 15th wedding anniversary this month. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. >> jimmy: that's a big deal. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you do something for 15? >> we'll probably just, you know, have some good old-fashioned hotel sex. [ laughter ] you know. that sounds about right. >> jimmy: locally? you'll go somewhere local? >> i'll take her somewhere. it will be a trip involved,
12:00 am
yeah. >> jimmy: when you say you're going to take her somewhere, did you propose to her? >> i did, actually. i proposed to her, yeah. >> jimmy: how does that work? forgive me for my ignorance. but could -- i mean, you know -- >> yeah, she would have proposed to me? right, yeah. >> but you know, but she's selfish like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do a very funny impression of your wife. >> no, no, yeah. >> jimmy: in your comedy special, your stand-up special. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: does she like when you do that? >> she loves when i talk about her. i don't know if she likes, you know, the way i -- you know. because when that -- i guess when i do her she's like, "uh, so uh babe, uh, do you take, you know, we can do something for, you know, like our anniversary, because we never do anything, you know, and that's the only -- it's the gram, you know, like you know, you know, kevin hart, he take his wife and other
12:01 am
people, they do things, and for me, pfft." i do that a lot. >> jimmy: the spitting. >> i hope you don't mind me asking, how much does she smoke? [ laughter ] >> she doesn't smoke at all. [ laughter ] that's just how i see her. i just see her, you know. >> jimmy: she smokes in your head? >> a beret and a scarf, that's how i see her. >> jimmy: she doesn't smoke? >> not at all, she doesn't smoke at all. [ laughter ] she hates being around smoke, yeah. >> jimmy: how do you get along with her french family? >> great. i love them. they love me. you know. and plus i made sure, you know, that i led with the good foot, you know. >> jimmy: how? >> a good showing. like when i first met her sister and her husband, i told them, i said -- because my wife loves george michaels as well as i do, right? and so he was on the show in london at earl's court. "hey, babe, i'm going to take you to see george michael, why
12:02 am
don't you ask your sister if she wants to go." i mean, come on, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, played the george michael card. >> yeah, yeah, so that was great, they still talk about that. and then her mother, alex has something going on in chicago. i met her there. her mother was there. we're sitting in the lobby at the peninsula hotel, right? and, you know, having drinks, whatever. her mother speaks very little english, but people were coming up and, you know, asking to take a picture with me, whatever. her mother was like -- [ speaking french ] that's like, "what is happening?" and i was like, "i'm kind of a big deal." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: she's a very big deal. she's nominated for a bunch of emmys. wanda sykes, everybody! some people just know that's not gonna fit. those are the people who know to choose allstate. that's not gonna fit. what's that?
12:03 am
you need another four inches? do you work here? nope, i just saw you there and i thought i'd save you the trouble. nana! she's a human measuring tape. and she knows allstate is the right fit for her. it's not gonna fit. that's not gonna fit. what? steven? some people just know. well played. well played, my friend. those are the people who know you're in good hands with allstate. rich, velvety... coffee. cafe-quality... espresso. one high-pressure system... that can do both. brew to your heart's desire. ...with the l'or barista system. now brewing peet's coffee. is it menopause or something else? the menopause journey has stages. learn about yours with clearblue menopause stage indicator... that tracks your fsh hormone levels... combining them with your cycle data. what's your menopause stage? it's hard to run a business on your own. with shopify, you have everything you need to bring your dream business to
12:04 am
life. because when we work together, the future is bright. start your journey with a free trial today.
12:05 am
♪ california sky ♪ ♪ todos alcanzamos las estrellas ♪ ♪ sunny state of mind ♪ ♪ flexin' all the time ♪ ♪ todo es dorado ♪ ♪ y nos gusta picante ♪ ♪ cause this place is caliente ♪ ♪ 'tamos enchilado ♪ ♪ feels so golden ♪ ♪ livin' in the golden state with you ♪ ♪ feels so golden ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado oooh ♪ ♪ we got that drip, drip, drip ♪ ♪ come take a sip, sip, sip ♪ ♪ feels so golden ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado ♪
12:06 am
12:07 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we are back. wanda sykes is nominated for multiple emmys for her special on netflix called "wanda sykes: i am an entertainer." we were just talking about your kids during the commercials. twins. you have 14-year-old twins? >> yes, 14-year-old twins. >> jimmy: that's so crazy that they're 14 now. i know people probably say that all the time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's weird. >> no, it is. when they say it flies by, it does. but it ages you. [ laughter ] while it's flying by. i mean, it's crazy. i mean, and like both of them are taller now than i am.
12:08 am
yeah, it's nuts. >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, everybody's kind of taller than you are. [ laughter ] i mean, to be fair. >> you want to say that to lenny kravitz. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: so at 14, is that the age where -- or is it earlier where you have to have "the talk" where you give them "the talk"? >> here's the thing. you know, alex is french. so she probably gave them that talk when they were, like, 6. [ laughter ] i bet you, you know -- yeah. so i'm like -- i'm not even going to bother. yeah. >> jimmy: it's covered, it's taken care of? >> trust me, i'm sure it's covered. >> jimmy: so how long have you been doing stand-up? how old were you when you started? i started in '87. >> jimmy: is there anything that can throw you off? like hecklers or even just people on their phones. is there anything that will bother you? >> you know, i don't get many hecklers. but it's usually, like, the environment or a situation. like, one time a guy had a
12:09 am
seizure in the audience. which is crazy. then another time -- oh. i forgot where i was. you know, i'm doing a bit, but it's during the setup and the audience is laughing. they're laughing a lot. i'm like, i ain't even got to the punchline what the hell y'all laughing at? someone said, "it's a bat by your head." [ laughter ] sure enough, there was a bat. like, just swooping down. >> jimmy: did you have a gig in transylvania? [ laughter ] >> yeah exactly. yeah. and i'm like, "and y'all find this funny? he's not with me. this is not part of the act." [ laughter ] "you think i shipped a bat in? oh, this is going to be funny, wait till i do my bat bit!" no. >> jimmy: are you scared of bats? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah,>> jimmy: right, yeah. >> they think this is a nest, you know? i just grabbed the mic stand and ran to the corner. >> jimmy: waiting for the bat to pass. it is funny, they always tell
12:10 am
you that. i remember being a kid in las vegas, there were bats by the street lights. i'd put my baseball glove over my head and run across the street to cleto's house because they told me, your hair's like a nest. i learned as an adult, bats aren't in nests, they hang from the cave ceiling, you don't have to worry about that. unless you head looks like a ceiling. >> make sure to keep your pants up then, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you went to see beyonce over the summer? >> i did. >> jimmy: how was that show? >> that was incredible. >> jimmy: my wife went to that show. she had -- they told her there was a dress code. you had to wear silver. >> yes, you had to wear silver. >> jimmy: was yours silver too? >> of course, of course. it's all silver, every show she did "the renaissance" tour. come on, jimmy. you hang out with magic johnson and cookie, you ain't learning things? [ laughter and applause ]
12:11 am
>> jimmy: there was no dress code, imagine. >> had to wear silver. it was amazing, it really was. i had to go. when she was in l.a., all my friends were like, "yeah, well, maybe, i don't know." then i'm looking on instagram, next day, everybody was at the beyonce concert. nobody told me. right? yeah, so i'm like, shoot, i've got to go see her before it's over with, because i'm not going to be the only black woman who did not go to the concert. [ laughter ] stuff like that keeps you out of heaven. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm sure somebody was in there with a clipper and a clipboard, like, "okay, okay -- yeah, finally, huh? finally decide to make it? ". >> jimmy: have you met be? >> i have not. we were on a flight once way back. this is when she was with destiny's child. >> jimmy: wow, really? >> she smiled and waved. >> jimmy: she did? you didn't go over? >> no, i just put the blanket over my head, terrified. [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: she went home and told
12:12 am
her friends, "i met lenny kravitz today." [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> weird. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i love having you here. you're the best. wanda sykes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "wanda sykes: i'm an entertainer" is on netflix. we'll be back with cassidy hutchinson. i told myself i was ok with my moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis symptoms. with my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. but just ok isn't ok. and i was done settling. if you still have symptoms after a tnf blocker like humira or enbrel, rinvoq is different and may help. rinvoq is a once-daily pill that can dramatically relieve ra and psa symptoms, including fatigue for some. it can stop joint damage. and in psa, can leave skin clear or almost clear. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke,
12:13 am
and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. people 50 and older with at least one heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. done settling? ask your rheumatologist for rinvoq. and take back what's yours. learn how abbvie could help you save. ♪ is someone trying to steal your butterfinger this halloween? call the bfi. ♪ no one lays a finger on your butterfinger. the chewy app has everything for pets. hungry pets, itchy pets, scratchy pets, and most importantly, your pet. every day great prices and 35% off your first authorship order. right to your door. download the chewy app. ♪ ♪ whether someone is across the neighborhood, across the street, or across the room, you have the power to make them feel right at home.
12:14 am
♪ ♪ ritz. a taste of welcome. [sfx: oven ding] we make sit-down chicken... stand-up chicken... backyard chicken... oops chicken... and all-smiles chicken. if there's one thing we know, it's chicken, chicken and chicken. more choices. more wow. [sfx: oven ding] more to love. tyson. boring. with over 40 delicious flavors, cirkul starts a party for your taste buds. no sugar, no calories, and no artificial flavors. cirkul. it's your water, your way. now with even more flavors. available at walmart or drinkcirkul.com. big moment here for charles who ate a big 'ole bowl of raisin bran crunch and packed a downright immaculate carry-on. big chuck, you sock rollin son of a...
12:15 am
♪ [traffic noise] [text message] let's ace this thing! ♪ ♪ i got you coffee. oh my god, what? you literally read my mind. got you, girl.
12:16 am
know your glucose level and where it's headed. without fingersticks. manage your diabetes with more confidence. now widely covered by medicare for patients managing diabetes with insulin.
12:17 am
visit freestylelibre.us/medicare to learn more. lou: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live"! and join us next week with guests -- [ "am:pm" by notd begins ] how good does it feel when threshold decor welcomes more seasonal style for less? when you can save on good & gather groceries in all the fall flavors. and when quality ingredients bring more to the table. when you get low prices on the latest trends.
12:18 am
when rewards come with quality and coziness. and when you're serving up taste they love at low prices. that's totally target. chocolate and caramel. and a crunchy cookie?! it's more than more. it's more... (groan) errr!!! yes! it's more-er! (vampire hissing) hmm. more-er. there's more-errr!!! to a twix! get the new iphone 15 pro with titanium from boost infinite and transcend to a wireless utopia. the new titanium iphone 15 pro on us, with no trade-in needed. infinitely better. ♪ on your period, sudden gushes happen. say goodbye gush fears! thanks to always ultra thins... with rapiddry technology... that absorbs two times faster. hellooo clean and comfortable. always. fear no gush.
12:19 am
12:20 am
12:21 am
12:22 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. music from lany is on the way. our next guest's televised testimony before the january 6th committee last year cast serious doubt on the highly professional, by-the-book reputation of the trump administration. [ laughter ] >> the valet had articulated that the president was extremely angry at the attorney general's a.p. interview. and had thrown his lunch against the wall. >> jimmy: now she's spilling all the ketchup in this new memoir, "enough." please welcome trump white house survivor, cassidy hutchinson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:23 am
>> jimmy: now i'm going to tell you, you're not under oath so don't worry. how are you? >> i'm doing pretty well, how are you? >> jimmy: is this weird for you, this experience of being now on a book tour? you're very young, you were working in the white house, you're suddenly on tv testifying in front of liz cheney. now you've got the number one book in america. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's surreal. i would be lying, and i'm very much about being honest and forthcoming. but it's not something i really ever expected. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, you were the chief of staff to the white house chief of staff? mark meadows. >> in essence. >> jimmy: in essence, yes. you saw many things, you shared those things with the committee which did not thrill your former employers, yes?
12:24 am
>> in essence. >> jimmy: some of the things you shared that mark meadows and others suspected there would be violence on january 6th before there was violence. that trump wanted to go to the capitol with the crowd and physically attack the secret service driver trying to get control of the vehicle, which he denies, of course. trump said that he did not care that the january 6th protesters were armed because they went are weren't there to hurt him. he also told aides he thought vice president pence deserved to be hanged. you were there for all of that. >> sounds like fiction, doesn't it? >> jimmy: it sounds like a ridiculous book is what it sounds like. [ laughter ] >> unfortunately, that was the reality of our lives at that point. that's sort of why i came -- well, i came forward to share truth and be more forthcoming with the committee after i hadn't been. i've been very forthcoming about that. >> jimmy: you hadn't been, why? >> forthcoming with the committee? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, so when i -- after january 6th, i was very outspoken, still during my tenure at the white house, about
12:25 am
my disdain and our accountability for what happened on january 6th. didn't go over well with a lot of my colleagues. but there was this year, year and a half in between where, admittedly, i wrestled morally with what to do. because on one hand i wanted the truth to be out there. desperately. but on the other hand, you know, there is this notion of loyalty in trump world, what i refer to as trump world, which is donald trump and his associates or whoever is surrounding him on that given day. because it fluctuates and changes. >> jimmy: yeah,>> jimmy: right, yeah.. >> there is a pressure to stay loyal, especially when you're in the circle of trust. that's the position that i had. and i'm not proud of it, and i have held myself to account to it. coming around to being more forthcoming with the committee after having a trump-appointed counsel where i felt and was counseled to not be as forthcoming -- >> jimmy: by lawyers? >> i had a crisis of moral
12:26 am
conscience to say a little bit more -- that might be too generous with it, but it's important for the country to hear the truth. >> jimmy: how often did the president throw ketchup at the wall? [ laughter ] >> it was -- >> jimmy: this was a regular occurrence? >> it was. donald trump has a -- i don't know if you know this or if anybody's -- this is -- i don't know. maybe people know it. he does have a very potent fear of being poisoned. >> jimmy: did not know he had a fear of being poisoned. >> now you do. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> so he uses and prefers the small heinz glass ketchup bottles because he likes to hear his valet or whoever's serving him his meal, he likes to hear the pop. >> jimmy: really? that's why? i thought it was because his hands were so little. [ laughter and applause ] that's for poisoning, huh?
12:27 am
do you think he got this fear from being poisoned by all the ex-wives? >> or russia, i don't know. >> jimmy: i don't think russia's poisoning him. >> there's the sense, though. so he -- sometimes it happened once or twice a week, sometimes more. there sometimes would be a week or so lull, but then there would be a bad news story. but it wasn't just launching the food and plates and porcelain at the wall. it was sometimes just flipping the tablecloth. >> jimmy: when trump suggested we inject bleach into our bodies to fight covid, did you guys know that was coming? [ laughter ] >> it was strongly encouraged for him not to suggest that. >> jimmy: someone said to him, "don't mention the bleach"? and when somebody would say "don't" whatever, did you always know there was a real good chance that he was going to go with that? >> i think some people were naive that when you tell him not to do something, he's going to want to do it more. >> jimmy: they would eventually learn that lesson? or they would keep doing that? >> i mean -- probably not, it's
12:28 am
stem-cell still happening. he's still tweeting out profanity and threatening to kill former general mark milley. clearly he doesn't listen to people very well. >> jimmy: do $you hear other things you guys told him not to say and that he did then say? >> happened all the time. >> jimmy: it happened all the time? >> yeah. you know, when i was writing the book, i was deliberate in what i decided to write about. i could write a lot, i'm sure we could talk for a very long time about what happened. >> jimmy: let's, let's, yeah. [ laughter ] >> where's the clock? >> jimmy: no clocks, it's like vegas. [ laughter ] it's like a casino here. >> now you're making me nervous. >> jimmy: you worked -- okay. i do want to ask you something non-trump related. you worked with matt gaetz and kevin mccarthy -- >> a lot of other members too, but yes, i did have a close working relationship with him. >> jimmy: these guys are now big characters in the soap opera that's going on. a lot of people say, oh, there's
12:29 am
personal animosity between those two. you witnessed that firsthand? >> i did. >> jimmy: will you share that story with us? >> we were at camp david one weekend, where all good things happen, all diplomacy happens. so we had finished watching a movie with the president in the cabin -- >> jimmy: what movie was it, do you remember? >> "once upon a time in hollywood." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did he like it? >> that's one of hi favorites. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, quentin tarantino will be thrilled. [ laughter ] >> will he? >> jimmy: i think so. >> hopefully. kevin invites us all -- he invites several individuals, including members of congress, back to his cabin. matt gaetz was not included. i was one of the last people to arr arrive. you have golf carts, an assigned golf cart. matt, i don't know if he had too much to drink or what he was thinking, but he had only seen my golf cart with my name on it. he came up and knocked on the
12:30 am
door. kevin went and opened the door to his cabin, where a lot of people were congregating and drinking and having fun, like people do when they're not working the halls of congress. kevin opens the door and it's matt leaning against the doorway. stands up straight immediately. kevin asked what he's doing. "this is cassidy's cabin?" "no, this is mine, what are you doing here?" "matt what do you want?" "i was wondering if you could show me where your cabin's at." i'm like, "it's a circular driveway, all the cabins are labeled." kevin looks at matt, "get lost, matt." >> jimmy: kicked him out of the cabin? >> matt was not welcome. >> jimmy: then matt gaetz got him kicked out of the house. [ laughter ] >> what goes around comes around. >> jimmy: i guess so, wow. do you have another book in mind? you could probably write three or four of these, right? >> i think i'm locked out. >> jimmy: that's it?
12:31 am
i feel i could queets another book out of you. [ laughter ] >> we already have the page limits of this one. >> jimmy: i mean, there's so many other things. i haven't talked about his multiple lunches the president would eat. >> that was because some of them ended up on the wall. >> jimmy: oh, well, okay. that makes sense, all right. >> also, he doesn't like to eat in front of other people, i don't know why. >> jimmy: is it true that he doesn't like to eat in front of other people? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, he sounds great. [ laughter ] well, thank you for testifying. you did the right thing. and this is the book. it's called "enough." [ cheers and applause ] this book title in case you don't know, when the president ordered his second lunch, cassidy said, "enough." [ laughter ] then named the book. cassidy hutchinson, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with lany.
12:32 am
we made it! bmo has arrived. hello? you said it. hello to more ways to save money, grow your wealth, grow your business. just what we needed, another big bank. not so fast. how many banks do you know that reward you for saving every month? he's got a good point. did i mention bmo has more fee-free atms than the two largest us banks combined? uh, b-m-o? just "bee-mo", actually. quick question, will all this stuff fit in your car? ( ♪ ) should i get rid of the mug? ♪ bmo ♪
12:33 am
>> jimmy: thanks to wanda sykes and cassidy hutchinson. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first, their album is called "a beautiful blur." here with the song "double xl," lany! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
12:34 am
♪ all my favorite songs are from 2018 we flew around the world with our small-town dreams ♪ ♪ you're a superstar and you wear it so well but nothin' like you in my hoodie double-x-l ♪ ♪ bloodstream full of desert lightnin' thank god i'm not drivin' a blur the whole way home ♪ ♪ i still remember i will forever ♪ ♪ backseat secrets we won't ever tell i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ miss americana and all my friends love ya ♪ ♪ back patio at the bowery hotel i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ you've been goin' out in ♪
12:35 am
♪ you've been goin' out in the glitter and glow hollywood fads and it's startin' to show ♪ ♪ i'm barely hangin' on and i'm lookin' for help every night without you hurtin' double-x-l ♪ ♪ bloodstream full of desert lightnin' thank god i'm not drivin' a blur the whole way home ♪ ♪ i still remember i will forever ♪ ♪ backseat secrets we won't ever tell i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ miss americana and all my friends love ya ♪ ♪ back patio at the bowery hotel i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ ♪
12:36 am
♪ baby we'll always have california half of me will always be waitin' for ya ♪ ♪ i still remember i will forever ♪ ♪ backseat secrets we won't ever tell i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ miss americana and all my friends love ya ♪ ♪ back patio at the bowery hotel i miss you double-x-l ♪ ♪ baby we'll always have california half of me will always be waitin' for ya ♪ ♪ baby we'll always have california
12:37 am
half of me will always be waitin' for ya ♪ ♪ double x-l ♪ [ cheers and applause ] tonight, inside uganda. people living in fear in what's considered the world's largest anti-lgbtq law. >> fears of being identified. >> reporter: being gay can be beneficial by death. >> you believe there should be the death penalty? >> for homosexuality. >> reporter: the secret shelters at risk for shutting down. >> i don't think i was p

199 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on