previously on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> we call ourselves raccoon. aah! aah! oh my goodness. ready? >> yep. go, go, go! go! ahh!

>> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- billie eilish and finneas. whitney cummings. and music from grace potter. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi. welcome. welcome. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on an important day, a very important day of online shopping here in the united states. it's "october prime day" on amazon exclusively for prime members, which is, everyone. in the world. [ laughter ] it's not to be confused, october prime day, not to be confused with the multiple other prime days. this is a two-day event.

and they've got some great deals on must-have items like a pickle that yodels. [ laughter ] a cat scratcher shaped like a tongue. a banana goose. plastic pork. and a delicious can of spam maple flavor. i don't like to give hints, but those would make some pretty fine christmas gifts for you know who, guillermo. >> guillermo: i know who, yeah. >> jimmy: joe biden spent his october prime day trying to figure out where the hell this woman, alexa, who keeps yelling at him, is hiding. [ laughter ] president biden spent much of yesterday being interviewed as part of the special counsel's investigation into the classified documents that somehow ended up at his home and old office. although, technically, any office that belonged to joe biden is an "old office." [ laughter ] and of course, mar-a-lardo had some thoughts on that. he wrote, "i see that crooked joe biden is working on his documents situation." wait, i thought it was crooked hillary. [ laughter ]

he's get so lazy, he used to put so much thought into those nicknames. "he moved documents, many classified, all over the place, for years, including to chinatown. he even took documents as a senator, an absolute no, no! i come under the presidential records act, he doesn't. a big difference! i did nothing wrong, he did, and so did many others!" this is precisely how my 6-year-old defends himself. [ laughter ] "i didn't do anything. they did these things!" and this was good. when i went to truth social to see this dopey post for myself. directly under the post was an ad trumpeting "the four early warning signs of dementia." [ laughter ] complete with, that might be donald trump in a dress, i'm not sure. [ laughter ] i think we all know our social media algorithms well enough to know that's not an accident. that's like when you're constipated, and you suddenly get an ad for metamucil. you're like, hm. [ laughter ] it really is crazy how much republicans don't care about trump's insane handling of

classified documents but do care about joe biden's. it's almost like they're applying two entirely different standards. maybe even a double standard. or in trump's case, a bacon double standard. [ laughter ] at the white house today, president biden gave a speech forcefully condemning the evil attacks on israel by hamas. he confirmed that americans are among those taken hostage, and that at least 14 americans were killed. he's vowed to do everything in his power to bring americans home safely while the maga-lorian is on a full, all-caps alert. writing, "i kept israel safe! nobody else will, nobody else can, and i know all of the players!" [ laughter ] kevlar,and get over there, mcrib rambo! [ laughter ] trump would like us to believe that his mere presence would've kept hamas out of israel and russia out of ukraine. this is from a guy who couldn't even keep kanye out of mar-a-lago. [ laughter ] but it's pretty clear that at this point, he's got no connection with reality.

all he can see is perfect phone calls and unfair witch hunts, elections he won, wars he would have prevented. we could right now build a little oval office in a mental institution and put him in there, tell him he's been reinstated as president, he'd be perfectly content. [ laughter ] drawing on weather maps. pushing that little red diet coke button. [ laughter ] he'd be happy, we'd be happy. let's get it done, i mean, come on already. [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile, trump's associates in the crazy business have been making the most of this attack on israel. ever since that caravan of dangerous immigrants turned out to be figments of their imagination, they've been looking for something new to rile people up. so the "lied piper" is now pushing the idea that hamas is in mexico. "the same people that raided israel are pouring into our once beautiful usa, through our totally open southern border, at record numbers. are they planning an attack within our country? crooked joe biden and his boss, barack hussein obama, did this to us!"

[ laughter ] if you don't believe him, take it from the jewish space laser lady herself, marjorie taylor greene. >> what happened to israel could happen to america because our country has been invaded by millions of people from over 160 countries. >> jimmy: 160? that's almost all the countries. [ laughter ] that would mean we're being invaded by belgium, maybe poland. hordes of belgian and polish immigrants are sneaking in here with their waffles and kielbasa. [ laughter ] and the gazpacho police do nothing about it! they let them ride right in. it's hard to believe that people are dumb enough to believe this stuff. but when you hear donald trump talk about the state of our school systems it starts to make sense. >> so we have the worst education, almost, in the large world. the -- the world that people know about. >> jimmy: yes, yes, the large world. [ laughter ] the world that people know about. sometimes his mouth just says things like a broken furby or something

[ laughter ] this is our second week back to work after five months on strike. [ cheers and applause ] we've had a lot of positive comments and compliments since our return. including from none other than our old my pillow pal, mike lindell, who despite all he is going through seems pretty okay with us. >> jimmy kimmel came back the other night, the first show back, he had to talk about you. [ laughter ] >> when row is it, brad? >> jimmy kimmel came back, first show, he had to talk about you. >> it wasn't too bad. jimmy's kind of torn. he didn't call me names when he said in our -- he might have even said "our good friend mike lindell." he did call me mike lindell. he said, mike lindell had problems this summer. he had problems this summer, and he's got financial woes, and of course then they went to the other mike. when he was talking about me, you know, he doesn't -- he's come a long way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you.

you know what? i -- [ applause ] i've grown up a lot over the last couple of years, thank you for noticing, mike. [ laughter ] last time mike was on the show, he did it on the condition -- my condition that he be interviewed from inside a dave & buster's claw machine. [ laughter ] and even that doesn't seem to bother him. >> just think of a guy like jimmy kimmel would come to his senses, go hey, we do need to fix our election platforms, right? >> yep. >> maybe jimmy, maybe this time when i come back on jimmy kimmel's show, you know i'm calling him "kimmel." i've learned his last name. [ laughter ] maybe when he invites me back, i won't have to be in the claw machine. >> that's right. >> that was to do it, to make it fun for the country and the audience. >> jimmy: yeah, well, maybe next time we'll put you in a giant container of chinese food or something. a big oversized carton of chicken chow mein, mike's in there ordering a baby pool with

floaties on. that would be cute, right? [ laughter ] speaking of cute -- congressman george santos is in a lot of trouble right now. we're finally at the part of pinocchio where he gets swallowed by the whale. [ laughter ] prosecutors today charged santos. he's now facing 23 counts, including conspiracy, wire fraud, aggravated identity theft, credit card fraud, making materially false statements to the fec, money laundering, and falsification of records. basically all the crimes -- [ laughter ] -- he has been charged with. santos is expected to plead, "new phone, who dis?" [ laughter ] really, i can't believe they charged him with identity theft. can you really blame -- would you want to be george santos? [ laughter ] how much fun would it be if he and donald trump wind up sharing a cell together? [ moans and applause ] the state of california this weekend -- california became the first state to ban four

potentially harmful chemicals found in a lot of our favorite foods. the law, which goes into effect in 2027, bans companies from using potassium bromate, brominated vegetable oil, propylparabens or red dye no. 3. which, listen, you can take my red dye no. 3 and propylparabens all you like, but you'll have to pry the potassium bromate out of my cold, dead hands. [ laughter ] some of the products that are affected are pez, double bubble, and skittles. apparently, this rainbow we've been tasting is not go [ laughter ] are we going to have to start driving to the border of nevada to get skittles now? needless to say, the candy companies are upset about the new law, but other snack makers are seeing opportunity and embracing it. >> no skittles? no hot tamales? no problem. get into a box of the oldest, wringliest candy around, raisins. that's right. raisins. they're not just for the bottom of a snack bag anymore. give a kid this shriveled little treat. they'll be hooked for life. >> it looks like a dead bug.

>> but it's not. it's actually an old grape. try it. >> it tastes dysgusting. >> delicious. and great in baked goods too. >> ugh! [ bleep ] raisins in it? >> you [ bleep ] bet there are. >> so don't fret, candy fans. >> this stuff sucks. >> when your double bubble disappears, chew on -- >> raisins! >> who raisins? >> who raisins? >> who raisins? brought to you by nerds. [ applause ] >> jimmy: one thing we don't have to worry about here in southern california is snakes. there are not a ton of snakes here, which we're grateful for. there's a neighborhood in oklahoma city right now where the locals have an increasingly large problem on their hands. >> this snake was captured on camera in birchwood, 6 feet long in june, now 13 feet. the park is right next to bryant elementary school, no gates

stopping it from slithering over. news 4 spoke with trifr bounds of red beard wildfire life who was hired to get the snake out. bounds said it's been surviving under one of the homes and might be eating cats. half the cats in the neighborhood are missing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's not jump to conclusions. [ laughter ] maybe the cats flew south for the winter, you know? in other big news, researchers in spain have determined that more than 1500 different species of animals have sexual "encounters" with animals of the same gender. according to the study, animals have been engaging in homosexual activity as a way to reduce conflict. i guess that's -- i don't know, that's how they reduce conflict? [ laughter ] pennsylv apparently these scientists have never seen an episode of "rupaul's drag race." [ laughter ] and while i'm not an expert on animal behavior, we have a very knowledgeable writer who is. and so we turn now to our friend louis virtel. who is here to "virtel it like it is." [ cheers and applause ]

>> as the gay community's most respected zoologist, after years of research, and a great deal of prayer, i am proud to reveal the five gayest animals of all time. [ laughter ] are you ready? [ cheers and applause ] coming in at number five, bats. more than 20 species of bat have been found to exhibit homosexual behavior. like the vampire bat. the comoro flying fox bat. and, of course, the thickly-nippled bat of gotham city. [ laughter ] it's cold in the batcave. here's an interesting fact. two male bats will hang belly to belly, each with an erect penis. one male then works his tongue over the entire body of the other male. the other one just lays back and plays wordle. [ laughter ] next up, the fourth gayest animal, the majestic giraffe.

some estimate that homosexuality among giraffes is more common than heterosexuality. i believe it. look at them. [ laughter ] they're sauntering around slowly, literally looking down on others, and? a fabulous but tasteful patterned print. [ laughter ] "g" is for gay! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] okay, number three on the list? dolphins. the twinks of the sea. [ laughter ] they're shiny, they're delightful, and when they get together in a group, this is true, to have sex, it's called a wuzzle. [ laughter ] and that word, to me, is the epitome of the gay community. proudly at the crossroads of gross and adorable at all times. [ laughter ] coming in at number two, the second gayest animal, the greyhound. [ laughter ] i don't know if greyhounds are gay, but everybody on the planet named clayton or sumner seems to own one, and that's close enough. [ laughter ]

only a greyhound. would any other dog be pretentious enough to be seen in a turtleneck? no. [ laughter ] that's why greyhounds get the gay silver medal. and the number one gayest animal is -- no, not flamingos. you might think flamingos are gay, but hanging out in the yard all day wearing pink is not queer, it's frat boy. [ laughter ] stay alert. the number one gayest animal is the penguin. [ cheers and applause ] get this. a scientist named george murray levick first documented homosexual behavior in penguins in 1911. he called it "depraved." and wrote his findings in greek letters so it wouldn't get out. [ laughter ] he went all the way to antarctica just to put penguins in the closet. [ laughter ] but that was then and this is now. penguins are free to hold fins,

march in parades, dress in fitted tuxedos, even their feet are happy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] look at this couple. skip and ping from the berlin zoo. two male penguins who adopted an egg together. congratulations, you stubby little queens! [ laughter ] and those are the five gayest animals. now if you'll excuse me, i have a date with a vampire bat! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lewis virtel, everybody. thank you, lewis. lewis virtel, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a good show for you tonight. whitney cummings is here. we have music from grace potter. and we'll be right back with billie eilish and phineas. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back. tonight, her brand-new comedy special is called "mouthy." the very funny, and very pregnant, whitney cummings is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, an exceptionally talented singer/songwriter. her latest album is called "mother road." music from grace potter. [ cheers and applause ]

you can see grace on tour starting november 1st at stage ae in pittsburgh, pa. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by sean penn and nicole byer with music from megan moroney. so join us then. like hansel and gretel, bart and lisa, luke and leia, our first guests are bound by some very talented dna. they are grammy and oscar winning singer-songwriters. their latest smash hit is called "what was i made for?" please welcome billie eilish and phineas. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? this is fun, i have to say. besides you guys being you guys, i don't think i've ever had a brother and sister on the show together. i feel like we could really get into some stuff with the two of

you out here. >> correct. >> jimmy: you know what i'm saying? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: first of all, finneas, you love a last name, billie has a last name. [ laughter ] what happened? your parents run out of money? what happened there? >> well, my name's three syllables. then our, like, legal last name is another three syllables. just felt really clunky. i'm a big fan of cher, so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a big swing to go for the one name deal. were you upset by this? >> i've been -- so mine's billie eilish o'connell. his is finneas o'connell. i've been going since billie eilish since i was a little baby. >> jimmy: you made that decision early? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: what about your dad? is he upset that you've rejected him outright? [ laughter ] >> it's just like not the sickest last name, you know? [ laughter ] just like -- >> jimmy: it's a solid last name, o'connell. no? >> if we had a potato farm. [ laughter ]

>> jim . >> it's very, very irish. billie eilish, it doesn't get any more irish. >> jimmy: it's pretty irish. nothing wrong with that. you could get a potato farm, you guys could easily buy a potato farm. >> shall we this. >> jimmy: your parents go on tour with you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: both of them? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do they do when they're on tour with you? >> so i just have our parents come out just to be, like, my parents. i like to bring them out because i like them and i want their company and whatever. and our dad likes to be -- how would you start this topic? >> he wants to be useful so bad. a [ laughter ] which i respect and love. and he does, like, set carpentry on our tour. like, as the tour's bigger -- when we started he was helping drive the van, carrying amps into is venues. now he's one of the set carpenters. he builds the stage every day. >> he works as one of the carps -- >> "dad, we need a bench."

[ laughter ] >> literally he builds stair staircases and stuff, sweeps the floor. >> jimmy: serious? >> yeah, the crew stays in different hotels, they have different buses, they have different calls. he won't tell anybody on the crew his full name. because he doesn't want anyone to know -- >> jimmy: they must know. how would they not know? >> i this they know, but he doesn't want any nepotism, doesn't want any special treatment at all. >> jimmy: that's kind of great, i guess. does your mom have to stay in the crew hotel? >> no, mom's with me. >> jimmy: mom stays with you? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you guys always get along? you do seem to really like each other. maybe i'm -- i don't know, maybe i don't know you that well. but it does seem like you really like each other, and you work together, which is -- it's hard to keep people together. you work together so much. are there things about each other that drive you crazy? [ laughter ] >> what do you think? >> jimmy: i would imagine there must be, yeah. >> there's a good chunk. but -- [ laughter ]

well, it's like -- i don't know. >> jimmy: whoever goes first sets the tone for the response. [ laughter ] >> i was just going say what's cool about it is that, you know, when we get into something, we can have -- we can blow up at each other. we can have arguments or whatever. we honestly don't as much as we did when we were -- >> children, yeah. >> children, yeah. but when we do, it's like -- because we're siblings -- like if you were to have the kind of argument that we can have, like with a friend or a partner, it's so damaging. it can really, like, change your dynamic. but with siblings it's like, you know you love each other, you know that nothing's going to -- you can't break up. you can't really separate. or at least we don't want to. i don't know. >> yeah. don't you have like every cousin and son and partner in the building right now? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, working, yeah. but it's a little different, because there's a hierarchy. >> is it -- there's -- >> jimmy: way at the top.

way, way at the top. >> there's a total hierarchy here. >> jimmy: there is? >> same my name, see the crowd response. say her name, see the crowd response. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you only have one name, she's got two, you screwed up. musically if there's a disagreement, how do you resolve it? >> if we both disagree passionately, like we make our arguments. then usually one person dies on the hill. one person can't let goff it, the other lets go of it. that's really how we do it. the other one usually sees the light. "oh, you would right about that idea." i feel we've both done that a lot. >> yeah, we have. >> jimmy: can you think of an example where you thought something was not great, turned out it was? >> we both had -- on "what was i made for" there was a terrible verse that went away. billie was the first one to be like, "we have to kill this, this verse is awful." [ laughter ] >> so bad, it was bad. >> i was like, "you think so?"

upon revisiting it later, so bad. >> jimmy: are you hard on yourselves when it comes to lyrics and certain song if you look back at an old song? >> yes, for sure. yes. >> jimmy: there is a song in particular that you look back on that makes you uncomfortable? >> cringe a little? well, objectively, "bad guy" is the stupidest song in the world. but it's really good. [ laughter ] oh my god, oh my god. but you have to understand, you have to have humor in it. that song, i'm traveling. know what i'm saying? that song is supposed to be goofy. it's funny because it's dumb. [ laughter ] it's literally, like, huh? what does that mean? >> jimmy: i don't know, but it works. >> it works. >> jimmy: you can overthink things sometimes, outsmart yourself. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'll tell you something that song comes on in our house, our kids are waiting for the "duh." they love the "duh." >> i would say -- we talk about this a lot. finneas and i, question find of i think simultaneously both

really disagree with when an artist, like, very -- i don't know, hateful towards their own music. >> jimmy: right. >> "i don't like my music, i don't ever listen to my music." i find it really frustrating, because why are you doing this, then? i and finneas, i think, i don't want to speak for you, i feel like we both are big fans what was we make. like, i love my own music. and it definitely just, like, changes and morphs with me. it becomes whatever. but it's -- i still cringe. i just appreciate it, though. >> jimmy: right. as you grow, you look back at the things you did and you get better at things, you go, oh, i wish nobody could see that, but it means something different to them. when we come back, we'll see -- you were talking about your big hit single. we have a -- i think a very interesting look into your process when we come back. finneas and billie eilish are here with us. [ cheers and applause ] feeling sluggish or weighed down?

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, there. we're back with billie eilish and finneas. they're calling them the new donny and marie. [ laughter ] you guys -- well, you know, we're not talking about projects that are struck. we have a strike going on here. you made a big hit song called "what was i made for" that has been times. you guys ever think about the numbers and how mind-boggling

that is? >> pretty nuts. it's a lot of -- that's a lot of listens. >> jimmy: 600 million times. you guys recorded the song, it goes out in the world, there are people who just listen to it over and over and over again. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, that's how it works, i guess. >> yeah. it's really -- >> jimmy: i just explained the process of recording music. it's still kind of amazing. how do you go about writing a song that someone asked you to write? >> good question. >> honestly, yeah, it is a good question. i would actually say that it's like -- to be frank, it's like where i, and i think finneas and i together, kind of, like, thrive. i think that when we are given a prompt, that is when we make, like, my kind of favorite thing. i feel like it's pretty hard, honestly, for me to write my exact feeling. i feel like that kind of goes for your life in general. it's like, it's hard to know how you feel in the moment. it's much easier to look back, like damn, that's how i was

feeling. i feel like i do that a lot. with music, i kind of hard to sit and write how i'm feeling from my own perspective and my own experience and my own -- i have this feeling of, ugh, boring, nobody cares. everyone's heard that before. i feel like when i'm given a prompt and given a story to write about -- >> jimmy: an assignment, kind of. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's like homework in a way. >> yeah. yeah, and what was crazy about this song is that it -- it was an assignment, then it turned out to be exactly how i felt. >> jimmy: interesting. >> so then it was kind of trippy yeah. >> jimmy: do you guys videotape your recording sessions always? >> we have the past -- like the pat past -- >> year? >> 12 months, yeah, a camcorder. we made a documentary a couple of years ago. we had a crew. we had a boom operator and a camera operator always in the room. and it's pretty hard to forget that two people are there when they're, like, that close to

you. >> yeah. >> so we thought it would be an interesting experiment to bring our own cameras in. like if billie's singing or playing piano or guitar, i'll film her, and vice versa. it's been so dangerous because you forget that it's all recorded. we've blackmailed ourselves for years. [ laughter ] it's crazy. >> we're just talking ish the whole time. >> jimmy: you guys are kind of working through this song. and i guess this is how you write songs. you just try things and you sit there. and you're shooting this, finneas? >> probably on a shelf. >> sitting in a corner. >> jimmy: almost like a ring cam type of situation. >> we've been filming the whole creation of the next album we're working on. >> jimmy: this is how a -- a song that's been listened to more than 600 million times is made. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ made for ♪ ♪ what i'm made for ♪ >> jimmy: that's when you realized? [ cheers and applause ] that's when you did the "made for" part? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: seems like it would be the first thing you came up with when you're singing about a doll. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: that's pretty crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you guys both have a moment of excitement where you knew, oh, that's it? >> honestly, no. it was funny. >> jimmy: just me? [ laughter ] >> it was this random day in january. and we had had, like -- honestly, i'd been there for six hours. we hadn't come up with anything. we were very uninspired. not just -- being so unproductive. and i was like, honestly, probably had my keys in my hand. was walking out the door, like okay, this day is trash.

and finneas was like, should we just try to write this one? and i sat back down. and he started playing those chords immediately. and then i wrote -- together we wrote, "i used to float, now i fall down, i used to know, now i'm not sure what i'm made for." as soon as we finished "what was i made for," that sentence was like, oh, okay. >> jimmy: unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] persistence. >> yeah. we wrote the whole song, pretty much the whole song, except for like the last verse, in, like, an hour or two that night. >> jimmy: wow. >> crazy. >> it was really cool. >> jimmy: six hours of struggling, then it comes bursting. almost like having a baby. [ laughter ] >> you would totally know. >> jimmy: it's great to have you guys here. thank you for coming. their song "what was i made for?" it's out now. billie eilish and finneas, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with whitney

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. music from grace potter is on the way. our next guest is a comedian, actor, writer, producer and

roaster who is growing a human inside her as i speak. her new comedy special "mouthy" premieres november 15th on onlyfans tv. please welcome whitney cummings. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ . >> jimmy: you look great, and congratulations. >> thank you. following billie eilish? this is a nightmare. [ laughter ] she's so cool. like, why? i'm sorry you had to see the coolest person on the planet, now you're staring at a pregnant lady in a leotard. [ laughter ] did you see -- i can't sit like that i'll start crowning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you might, yeah. >> oh my gosh. >> jimmy: how are you feeling? >> i'm good. i feel good. i feel good. >> jimmy: this is your first child? >> first child. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i know.

i got pregnant naturally at 40 years old. i'm convinced it's a vaccine injury. [ laughter ] i got the johnson & johnson, so who knows what's even in here? [ laughter ] who knows. if you get pregnant on the johnson & johnson, i don't know what comes out, actual baby powder? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you know if you're having a boy or a girl? >> i'm having a boy baby. [ cheers and applause ] having a boy. although i wasn't obsessed with the gender. i didn't care. everyone needs to know the gender, parties, i mean -- we live in l.a., i get an invite to a gender reveal every month for the same kid. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i feel -- because i always want to know the gender. i feel like in l.a. you didn't even ask. i'll see a pregnant lady," boy or a girl?" they're like, "the baby will tell us its gin der when it's 3 weeks old." i'm like, all right.

you know, sounds like some rich person stuff to me. i grew up poor. when you grow up poor, you're whatever gender your older sibling was. [ laughter ] i wore a hockey jersey to school until i was 12. i identified as a goalie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the hand-me-downs determine it. >> that's it. >> jimmy: are you -- do you have a name planned? are you that far ahead? >> okay, so i was really, really stuck on the name maximus. >> jimmy: you were? >> then i remembered my last name is cummings. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. that's -- >> it's a tough pairing. a tough last name. >> jimmy: yeah. >> then a family name is richard. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. >> you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> then i really like the name colt. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm a horse lady. >> jimmy: oh. >> then i found out that come cull meetings is the biggest gay porn star on the planet. >> jimmy: is that true? >> that's true, that's true. you totally sold me on that. >> jimmy: he won't be in 15 years. you know, the shelf life i think

is short enough that your colt cummings could be fine. >> it's interesting. guests are talking about names. i found out when you're naming a kid -- there's a book i was reading. i guess your last name indicates what your ancestors did for a living. [ laughter ] so if it's baker, they were probably bakers. tanner, they were tanning leather. what were my ancestors doing? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: making more ancestors. are you -- so you're on tour. do you recommend being on tour while with child? >> i feel great. everyone was so worried about me. i'm glad i waited this long. if i -- i'm so glad i waited till i was a mature adult to get pregnant. if i had had a pregnancy, even a year sooner, i would have sold the baby for taylor swift tickets. [ laughter ] this is best-case scenario. >> jimmy: are you nervous about how much your life will change? >> i don't -- people keep warning me about stuff. like, everyone's telling me i'm

going to get postpartum depression. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i already have prepartum depression, feel like i'm ahead of it. that's the big thing everybody is worried -- i look it up. google postpartum depression. it says no known cause, like we don't know the cause. are there no female doctors? are there still not -- i'm not a doctor but i feel i can take a stab at what my pause, postpartum depression -- could it be that both your holes become one hole? [ laughter ] then a tiny vampire starts gnawing on your boobs until it looks like you got shot? then you start balding and none of your cool friends will talk to you? like, am i a doctor? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have a plan? people like to make a plan, they have a kid, they have a plan, a whole deal? >> my plan is to survive. >> jimmy: that's good. >> the birth. you've done this four times now. >> jimmy: that's correct. >> what my -- what should my plan be? >> w >>. >> jimmy: well, i didn't do the hard part. [ laughter ] >> you had to watch it.

>> jimmy: as my wife likes to remind me often. you know what, actually, bill murray gave us great advice. i think this is excellent advice. he said, "bring christmas lights into the delivery room." then instead of those terrible fluorescent lights that every hospital has, you can lower or turn those off and bring some battery-powered christmas lights so you don't unplug something important. [ laughter ] and it gives a pleasant environment. >> sure. >> jimmy: almost like santa's sliding a gift down the chimney. [ laughter ] you know? >> the only thing that seems more laborious than actual labor is untangling last year's christmas lights. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get some fresh ones. i'll get you some lights. [ applause ] >> i feel like your wife was like, "hey, can you tell them to get the --" she just needed them to be untangled. "please tell my husband to untangle the christmas lights in the storage unit." >> jimmy: your new comedy special, the audience laughed

when i said it was on onlyfans tv. >> laugh all you want. >> jimmy: they thought it was a joke. >> i'm going to laugh all the way to the bank. [ cheers and applause ] if i don't get 600 million streams like billie eilish, i will livestream my birth. on onlyfans. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's premiering right around the time, right? >> it is really. so there's onlyfans, which is the subscription service. then there's onlyfans tv, which is their new streaming service, which is not naughty. >> jimmy: it's not? >> it's not. a lot of comedy -- i did the comedy central roasts, they stopped doing those, so we started doing them again on only fans tv. we did the roast of me. now i'm doing their first stand-up special. because it's a tricky time to be a comic. i don't have to tell you. there's certain things you can't even say on youtube anymore. they'll demonetize you, age restrict you. comedians are looking for a home to be filthy pigs again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where better than

onlyfans? >> yeah. say uncensored stuff. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i wish you great health and a lot of luck with the baby. and whatever. james is a nice name. >> i love james. >> jimmy: great, let's do it. >> i love james. >> jimmy: let's do it. >> there's a lot of names i like -- people will just say the worst person that has that name. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i like the name rudy. giuliani! >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> you don't need to yell villains at me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: again, he won't be around by the time it matters. >> it's been dead for 40 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: whitney cummings, everybody. "mouthy" premieres november 15th on onlyfans tv. and see her live october 13th in erie, pennsylvania, and october 14th in washington, pennsylvania. tickets are available at whitneycummings.com. we'll be back with grace potter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: thanks to billie eilish, finneas, and whitney cummings. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "mother road." here with the song "good time." grace potter! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ ♪ i used to drive to montreal look up at the departure wall and buy me a ticket ♪ ♪ to anywhere i never been i'd look at my planet from above meet the pilot ♪ ♪ maybe make love touch down and let that city sweep me off my feet ♪ ♪ take me back to the good times when i drank up life like ♪ ♪ i drink my wine why's there always gotta be a window in between me ♪ ♪ and everything and everyone i wanna see cause we can't go out ♪ ♪ but we still wanna dance we can't go out but we still want a chance for ♪ ♪ love oh-oh-oh-oh

no we can't go out but i still wanna sing ♪ ♪ can't go out but i still wanna bring back love oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ there's got to be a way that we can turn this ship around ah 'cause ♪ ♪ you can't keep a good time down can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep a good time can't keep can't keep a good time ♪ ♪ can't keep can't keep a good time down in my dance-hall dreams ♪ ♪ i'm a benevolent queen riding on a white horse across a dance floor ♪ ♪ i've got flowers in my hair and there's sugar in the air i wanna live ♪ ♪ my whole life like it's the last night at studio54 oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ baby, take me back to the good times when i drank up life like ♪ ♪ i drink my wine why's there gotta be a window in between me ♪ ♪ and everything and everyone i wanna see cause we can't go out ♪ ♪ but i still wanna dance can't go out but i still need a chance for love ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh no we can't go out but i still wanna sing ♪ ♪ i can't go out but i still wanna bring back love oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ there's got to be a way that we can turn this ship around ♪ ♪ cause you can't keep you can't keep can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep can't keep a good, good

you can't keep a ♪ ♪ good time down can't keep can't keep a good time ♪ ♪ can't keep can't keep a good time can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep a good time down can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep a good time down can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep a good time can't keep can't keep a ♪ ♪ good time down can't keep can't keep a good time ♪ ♪ can't keep can't keep a good time can't keep ♪ ♪ can't keep a good time down ♪ [ cheers and applause ] tonight, horrors in israel. >> it is pearl harbor and 9/11 and the holocaust. this was not war. this was terror. >> a searing look at the death and destruction. >> they're still taking out bodies. they haven't even