harry turner. have a great night

on the whole show. thank you for watching. thanks for joining us on a shining night. i know it's a big one tonight. it is. i'm sure you're going to feel the electricity because it's taylor swift night in america. >> all right, taylor swift is everywhere. she's in the movies. she's out the football game.

she's in our hearts and our minds this morning, i found her hiding in the trunk of my car. it's opening night for the taylor swift movie. it's expected to be the highest grossing concert film of all time. they say it should easily make more than $100 million this weekend, possibly $200 million this weekend. and amc, the chain that is distributing the film, has a whole new set of rules for this. they say selfies during the movie are permitted and dancing and singing are encouraged in the theater. and yet i got kicked out of oppenheimer for doing the macarena. it doesn't seem fair at all, but this is exciting. putting this concert in theaters will give the fans the rare opportunity to finally hear the music of taylor swift, which is guillermo. are you going to the show this weekend? >> no, not this weekend. next week. next weekend? yeah. >> who are you going with? >> oh, with my wife. with just your wife? yeah. i got to take her here. >> not your son? >> no, not just my wife. >> oh, interest. yeah, it'll be a date night, huh? >> finally. yeah. okay

>> i'm going to go this weekend. i'm going to shush all the kids who are singing along. i'm just going to ruin it for everyone. hey speaking of people who we are, hopefully never, ever getting back together with donald trump is saying hey, speaking of people we are hopefully never, ever getting back together with, donald trump is -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's getting crazier by the day, he really is. last night, he addressed the horrific, terrorist attack on israel, by attacking israel. captain bone spurs gave a doozy of a speech where among other things he said hamas would never have gone into israel if his election hadn't been rigged. he called israel's defense minister a jerk. did some axe-grinding about netanyahu, and had some complimentary words about israel's enemies in lebanon. he's really angling for that nobel piece of [ bleep ] prize. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] with all they have to worry about over there, israel's communications minister had to put out a response saying, "we don't have to bother with him and the nonsense he

spouts." unfortunately, we do. [ laughter ] here's what trump had to say about hezbollah. >> they said, gee, i hope hezbollah doesn't attack from the north because that's the most vulnerable spot. i said, wait a minute. you know, hezbollah's very smart. they're all very smart. the press doesn't like when they say it. i said that. president xi of china, 1.4 billion people he controls with an iron fist. i said, he's a very smart man. they called me the next day. i said he was smart! hezbollah, they're very smart. >> jimmy: poor eric. trump never said he was smart. [ laughter ] but he did say it about this guy. >> kanye is a smart guy. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] where is he throughout all of this? mar-a-lardo was all over the place last night. he's throwing everything he possibly can against the wall. >> and i'm sure that the cocaine they found in the white house that nobody -- i'm sure -- i feel certain it had nothing to do with hunter and joe, by the way. "here, dad, have a little of this stuff, it's going to liven

you up a little bit." >> jimmy: okay. now sleepy joe is also a cokehead. [ laughter ] i'm pretty sure the hardest drug biden does is rocky road. [ laughter ] trump gave some speech last night. at one point, he spent a full minute berating the microphone. >> this is the the worst microphone i think i've ever had. i hope you can hear me back there. justin, don't pay the bill for this mic. i'm blowing up my voice, talking to this stupid mic. this is the worst mic i've ever had. i'm trying to get their attention. turn up the mic. is it okay? and then i don't pay a bill and they say, trump doesn't pay his contractors! yeah. it's unbelievable. it's a rotten, lousy mic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: by the way -- [ applause ] it's the same thing he said about mike pence. [ laughter ]

it's always fun to see him come up with new reasons not to pay people. and i have to say, for a guy who says he doesn't drink, all you have to do is slow him down a little and you've got a full-blown drunk donald trump. ♪ [ audiotape playing slowly ] >> did you see the other day -- thank you -- thanks -- gets a little groggy. gets a little bit groggy. they say, "get him off the stage, that [ bleep ]'s wearing off, man!" get him off. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: make that man the speaker of the house! donald trump will not be the next speaker of the house, or maybe he will. we have no idea. republicans can't seem to find anyone they agree on. steve scalise of louisiana got the support of the gop majority behind closed doors, but he hasn't been able to rustle up

enough votes to actually seal the deal. many republicans have said they will vote "no" for scalise. he's getting caucus-blocked by the mental patient wing of the party. [ laughter ] including marjorie taylor greene, lauren boebert, and george santos who wrote last night, "it's just past 9:40 p.m. and i have yet to hear from the speaker-designate. and after 10 months and having had zero contact, or outreach from him, i've come to the conclusion that my vote doesn't matter to him. i'm now declaring, i'm an anyone but scalise. and come hell or high water, i won't change my mind. we need a speaker that leads by including every single member of the team, not just some, that's not leadership!" oh my stars. [ laughter ] it must have been very frustrating for santos waiting by the phone, waiting to hear from scalise. you know, they only give you one call in prison. [ laughter ] [ applause ]

santos then tweeted his support for jim jordan. santos likes jordan because when jim jordan sees a crime, he keeps his mouth shut. [ laughter ] what a mess. the house only has until november 17th to pass legislation to fund the government or there will be a shutdown. but they can't do anything until they have a speaker. in the meantime, we're all just waiting around like customers in the cvs pharmacy window. "hey, any chance we'll get our insulin?" "not looking good." you know who'd make a good speaker? the golden bachelor. everybody loves the golden bachelor. [ cheers and applause ] the g.b. himself, gerry turner, he's with us tonight. after the show, gerry will be at the walgreens signing bottles of centrum silver if you want to join him. [ laughter ] "the golden bachelor" is the show that puts the roses in osteoporosis. [ laughter ] i happen to find it really relatable. it's the only show where the contestants have to get up to pee more times than i do. on tonight's show, they had a talent show where a fitness

instructor named leslie gave gerry a chance to sample her body of work. ♪ ♪ >> leslie's a very talented dancer. but she got a little dirty there, a little sexy there at the end. yeah, maybe it was a little much. ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my god, somebody dial 911! two of the bachelorettes just had a stroke! [ laughter ] and then we have the flip side, "bachelor in paradise." where america has been mesmerized by a woman named sam's brave struggle against constipation. >> so i'm at the rose ceremony drenched in sweat because i finally have to go to the bathroom. of course, of all times.

of all times, i have to go to the bathroom during the first rose ceremony. and i'm squeezing everything. i'm literally flexing my core, trying not to poop my pants. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: if i was that chipmunk, i would sue nbc. i'd sue. "i was just comin' outta my hole, now i'm poop?" who would have ever guessed that constipation would be a storyline on "bachelor in paradise" and not "the golden bachelor"? [ laughter ] i have a lot of questions for the golden bachelor, like why he spelled gary g-e-r-r-y. [ laughter ] and why he didn't pick my aunt chippy. my aunt chippy was on the first episode of the show. [ cheers and applause ] and she didn't get a rose. partly maybe because -- may have had a little something to do with the fact that you slept through the whole rose ceremony. [ laughter ] why do you think he didn't pick you, aunt chippy? >> two reasons. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> well -- too fat, too old, and

too tired. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's it. >> jimmy: and can't count? [ laughter ] >> can't count. two reasons. [ applause ] >> jimmy: aunt chippy is a dating show veteran. we thought we'd get her take on another popular show, the hbo max show "naked attraction." guillermo, have you heard about this? [ laughter ] this is a dating show. contestants pick out who they want to date based on their private parts. we show the -- we thought it would be fun to have aunt chippy review it. she loves this kind of thing. now, obviously, we had to blur out the dirty parts for the show. for aunt chippy, we made sure she saw every uncensored inch. >> we good to go? chippy, you ready? >> i'm ready, i'm ready. >> all right, here we go. ♪ hey hey it's a sunny day ♪ >> ready to go? all right.

can we please reveal the bottom half of the bodies. >> are they naked? >> it's not like you see six penises every day. >> for christ sake, you've got to be [ bleep ] kidding me. i don't watch this [ bleep ]. this is bull [ bleep ]. i don't need to see their penises. you brought me from vegas here to see somebody's penis? >> to be honest, a lot of penises. >> i'm unimpressed. >> it gets better. >> it does? what do we see, the hair under their arms? what else? do they show the crack in their ass? what else? nothing is sacred anymore, nothing. >> where to start? i know. >> elephant. >> there is an elephant in the room. >> she has to judge by their penises? holy [ bleep ]. wow. that took a lot of brains to think of something like that.

how many animals have the trunk of a penis? gee, don't we all want one? >> she's going to date one of these guys at the end. who should she get rid of? >> she should get rid of all of them and keep the guy on the right. that's the guy that's got the best -- physique. he's good looking. >> what about his penis? >> i'm not judging him by his penis! it's a penis. it's like a vagina. >> not exactly. >> oh for crying out loud, this is ridiculous. >> you are about to meet them for the first time. but not before they get to see you naked and tell you what they think about your body. are you a fan of a fuller bush? >> what if one of your kids was on the show? >> if one of my kids? i'd smack the [ bleep ] out of them and leave them for dead. [ laughter ] >> we talk a lot about penises. what about balls? [ laughter ]

>> uhh -- what the hell am i doing here? i want to go home. [ laughter ] >> not yet, not yet. >> not yet, my ass. >> we have to get through the episode. >> get through what? what else is there? uhh -- looks like a moose. >> would you consider being on a show like this? >> if you ever try it, i will cut your [ bleep ] penis off and shove it up your ass. that's what i would do with yours if you put me on a show like this. ever. ever. >> that's pretty aggressive. >> yes. i'd be very aggressive. and then you know what? i would take your boss, jimmy kimmel, and sit him next to you, do the same thing to him. [ laughter ] >> there's one more -- >> oh, great. what we needed was one more!

one more what? i've seen everything! i've seen tits, asses, balls, breasts, what else is there? [ laughter ] does jimmy know i'm watching this stuff? he does? that little bastard, wait till i get ahold of him? i want to see that guy right now. >> he's not here. >> oh, all of a sudden he's not here, oh, gee. all of a sudden jimmy is no longer in the building. you've been out of work for five [ bleep ] months, where are you? [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: great job, aunt chippy. i can't wait to see what we do for you next week. we have a great show tonight. the golden bachelor is with us. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from maneskin. and we'll be right back with josh duhamel, so stick around!

we made it! bmo has arrived. hello? you said it. hello to more ways to save money, grow your wealth, grow your business. just what we needed, another big bank. not so fast. how many banks do you know that reward you for saving every month? he's got a good point. did i mention bmo has more fee-free atms than the two largest us banks combined?

uh, b-m-o? just "bee-mo", actually. quick question, will all this stuff fit in your car? ( ♪ ) should i get rid of the mug? ♪ bmo ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight, he's the septuagenarian star of "the golden bachelor" here on abc. gerry turner is with us. [ cheers and applause ]

then later, a band from rome, the one in italy. this is the deluxe version of their album called "rush (are you coming?)" it comes out november 10th. music from maneskin. [ cheers and applause ] next week we've got a great week of new shows with martin scorsese, al michaels will be with us, mike epps, ms. pat, snoop dogg. with music from lil yachty, mike towers, chelsea cutler and october london. please join us for all that. our first guest is the slightly bruised brain behind a brand new sporting event based on his own homegrown olympics with his friends. it's called "buddy games." it airs thursdays on cbs. please say hello to josh duhamel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? good to see you.

you were here a year ago. >> i was. >> jimmy: since then -- >> i just met your son backstage, i think he just got married last time i was here? >> jimmy: yeah, he got married a year ago while you were here. >> i think you just got back from his wedding, i got to meet him. >> jimmy: then you were married. >> i did, i think shortly after that. >> jimmy: already you've got a baby on the way, congratulations, nice work. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know, my friends are sending the kids off to college or some of them are having grandkids, and here i am having my own, jumping back in. >> jimmy: you have a 10-year-old son? >> i do have a 10-year-old son. >> jimmy: do you know if you have a boy or girl? >> i do. >> jimmy: will you say or no? >> i can't. she'd cut my penis off. [ laughter ] we know what those look like. >> jimmy: you don't need it anymore. >> i saw a lot of them. that's a lot of twigs and berries on the show tonight. >> jimmy: if you want to shower together after the show, you can see a couple more. [ laughter ] guillermo and i, our thursday night tradition. [ laughter ] >> poor aunt chippy. she's going to have ptsd after

that. where is she? there she is. >> jimmy: she doesn't even know what that spells. >> i'm sorry i do had to see all of that, aunt chippy. >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: don't pander to aunt chippy, she's not going to help you. >> that's a lot of -- they're actually showing penises on the show now. >> jimmy: that's our new thing, we're really going for it. >> i see. [ laughter ] i learned today you're a doomsday prepper. is that a good way of describing it? >> i wouldn't say i'm a -- i'm preparing for whatever may come. >> jimmy: something bad? >> you know, probably similar to what you're doing out of your place. it started as a little cabin in the woods. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> it turned into the one next door, i had two little cabins in the woods. one with no electricity or water. the other just electricity. but tiny, so i built a bigger one so i could have family and stuff out there. it's turned into i guess my passion. and because of that, i've become more and more -- >> jimmy: crazy? [ laughter ]

>> crazy, but also -- but also into the idea that, okay, what if i had to live out here? what if i actually had to live in the woods? >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> could we do it and what do i need to do to get there? >> jimmy: did your wife know this about you before she said i do? >> she -- we started dating as i was building my cabin out there. >> jimmy: oh. >> and it's deep in the woods. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> she probably thought i was a little bit nuts because it was so far out there. i love it, man. it's like my happy place. i go out there -- >> jimmy: is it a good idea to talk about your hidden doomsday cabin on television? shouldn't it be kind of a secret? >> nobody knows where it's at. it's somewhere -- >> jimmy: where is it? [ laughter ] >> the northern part of the u.s. >> jimmy: the northern part of the u.s., all right. we can narrow it down, couldn't we? >> it's out there. it's deep. >> jimmy: what's in the cabin now? >> so -- let's see. well, i've got -- i've got a tractor. >> jimmy: okay. >> skid steer. i've got -- >> jimmy: you've got enough gasoline for the tractor?

>> solar, generator, about to put a generator in. just, you know. fish. you can hunt -- >> jimmy: you have fish in the cabin? >> not in the cabin. next to the cabin. >> jimmy: keep them in the water? that's good. they'll go bad in the cabin. >> didn't you guys have a competition out at your place and you guys lost? >> jimmy: we have a fishing competition. >> you do your own buddy games. >> jimmy: yeah, we don't have -- well, i haven't made as big a deal as you have out of this thing. you've turned this into a multimedia situation. there's the movie theaters. there's the television show "buddy games." i would imagine your friends are astonished by the fact that you did this. explain what this is, in case -- i know you explained it before. >> it's something we started -- as kids we started doing these stupid games. as we got older, we stayed really close. and bob schwartz, the "bobfather," started sanctioning it. every third weekend of every august every year we get together and do these games.

cbs loved the idea. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> especially because we do one crazy event. there's the ping-pong and golf and wiffleball, always a big one. there's always one ridiculous game. that's what they sparked to. that's why i think we're on the air now. >> jimmy: did you do -- did you recreate the ridiculous games that you guys play? >> i tried to. i tried to -- we pitch everything. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> we pitch, you know -- we pitch as if it's a rated "r" movie. but it's a cbs, it's a network show. so you've got to be a little bit more -- >> jimmy: it's real? >> it's all real. it's all about groups of friends like ours from around the country that compete against each other. we have this one game we called the splattle. and it was -- you have -- there's one buoy, another buoy, you have to get in your underwear, stand up, paddle board from one buoy to the next. you get to shoot paint ball -- >> jimmy: your friends shoot paint balls at you? >> they didn't go for that idea. >> jimmy: really? the "bobfather" came up with that?

>> i think that might have been my idea. bob usually comes up with these. this year it was at my cabin -- >> jimmy: those paint balls hurt. >> yeah. they leave marks for months, trust me. >> jimmy: and this is something you and your friends do to each other, then somebody wins what, a medal? >> it's mostly bragging rights. or you win a driver or a putter. there's not much money on the line. >> jimmy: cbs said no to that one? >> splattle, they did say no to that. i think anyone with any kind of -- shooting something at somebody doesn't go over well. >> jimmy: are your friends, now that they've seen you do this, come up with this business out of this thing you guys did, are they now, "a," asking for money, or "b," coming up with other dumb ideas for you to make shows out of? >> yeah, bob's got ridiculous ideas all the time. >> jimmy: like? >> well, for example, the first episode we had this -- part of

the big obstacle course was you had to jump in this mud pit and collect all the mud and fill up this bucket which released these balls to go shoot into these giant beer pong cups. and his idea was, why don't we mix manure in with the actual mud. like, there's so many reasons why you can't do that. but he pitches these ideas. again, you can do in a movie or in anything else, but you can't do it on a tv show. >> jimmy: i see. >> so -- yeah. bob -- bob pushes the boundaries for sure. >> jimmy: well, we're going to push the boundaries in just a minute. >> i know. >> jimmy: because we have a very dumb game that we'll play every once in a while here. it's like a real sport. >> they tell me you're very competitive, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm very competitive, and i know you're very competitive. this could turn out -- maybe this will be part of the "buddy games" eventually. >> i think it's great. balloon ball. in north dakota that's what we used to play. >> jimmy: balloon ball? >> it's winter for eight months out of the year and you've got to come up with stuff and this is one. >> jimmy: rug burns will happen

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>> lou: hello, and welcome to extreme indoor balloon. the world's fastest-growing living room-based sport. we have quite a matchup tonight. our defending champion from las vegas, by way of brooklyn, new york. they call him the balloon animal, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

and in this corner, our challenger. he is an actor, lip model, and pride of minot, north dakota, josh duhamel! >> jimmy: boo, boo! [ cheers and applause ] here are the rules -- a player gets a point anytime his opponent fails to stop the balloon from touching the ground. if the balloon touches down outside the carpeted area, it's out of bounds. you may only strike the balloon once, only with your hand, and never in a downward motion. josh, which way is up? great job, josh. >> is that a point? [ applause ] >> lou: no, that's not a point. at the end of every hit, the balloon must be at least two feet off the ground. you can't impede the other player, and whoever has the most points after two minutes will be declared the winner. does that make sense? >> yes. >> lou: great. josh, as our guest, you'll get to serve first. all right? ready, set, balloon! ♪ ♪

>> lou: that is out of bounds, point to jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] all right, josh. you will serve. >> jimmy: josh serves? >> lou: josh serves, you won the point. >> jimmy: oh, all right. oh, oh, there it is. ♪ ♪ >> lou: out of bounds, another point to jimmy. >> jimmy: it's 2-0, oh my goodness. >> he's good at this, he's good at this. >> jimmy: you serve. those are indeed the rules. all right. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: shouldn't have touched it, it was going out. >> lou: out of bounds, point to josh. >> jimmy: all right. that was a big mistake on my part.

that could cost me the game. >> lou: that was going to be out. >> jimmy: are you ready? ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: you need a downward motion! downward motion is illegal. >> lou: point to jimmy. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hit it, josh, hit it! >> lou: out of bounds, point to josh. >> did i hit that, though? did i hit that last one up? >> jimmy: i don't know. ♪ ♪ >> lou: and we've hit the one-minute mark, meaning we bring in the obstacle. release the obstacle! >> jimmy: he's very sharp, be careful. >> lou: guillermo is even more deadly than normal. oh, the time. out of bounds.

point, josh. tied game. >> jimmy: guillermo, one of us is going to lose an eye here. are we ready? this is it for all the marbles. thank you, i'm playing a game, guillermo. ♪ ♪ >> no! >> jimmy: oh my goodness. >> lou: out of bounds. point to jimmy. >> jimmy: point to jimmy, that's it, isn't it? >> lou: 38 seconds remain. >> jimmy: all right, all right, all right. 38 seconds remaining. so -- okay. it's a big one, it's a big one. ♪ ♪ >> lou: 30 seconds left! >> jimmy: he did not go -- >> that was out, that was out, i want a replay. >> lou: can we watch the replay, can we see the replay? >> jimmy: let's take a look at the replay. well, clearly not an upward motion. >> lou: clearly not an upward motion, that's a point for jimmy. [ cheers and applause ]

josh, your serve. 26 seconds remains. >> jimmy: this is a long five minutes, i'm going to tell you something. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i'm going to just keep this thing high in the air. >> lou: 15 seconds left. ♪ ♪ >> lou: 5 seconds remain. oh! point to jimmy. >> jimmy: what? >> lou: point to jimmy. >> jimmy: and ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner here. there's no way -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. thank you. i want to thank the fans, i want to thank everybody out there, my parents who took me to balloon practice every saturday morning at 6:00. i want to thank josh duhamel. new episodes of "buddy games" thursdays at 8:00 on cbs and paramount. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, josh. i'm exhausted. we'll be back with the golden bachelor!

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we made it! bmo has arrived. hello? you said it. hello to more ways to save money, grow your wealth, grow your business. just what we needed, another big bank. not so fast. how many banks do you know that reward you for saving every month? he's got a good point. did i mention bmo has more fee-free atms than the two largest us banks combined? uh, b-m-o? just "bee-mo", actually.

quick question, will all this stuff fit in your car? ( ♪ ) should i get rid of the mug? ♪ bmo ♪ >> jimmy: the golden bachelor and maneskin are coming up, but first it's thursday night. that means it's time to bleep and blur the big moments of the week whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> back now with new fraud charges filed against george santos, now accused of [ bleep ]ing the [ bleep ]s of campaign donors. >> you're all acting like i'm not entitled to due process and innocent until proven guilty. i'm just going to go [ bleep ] myself. >> today is national [ bleep ] day. >> we're not here to impanel eight people who just [ bleep ]ed [ bleep ]ed us. >> we're going to deal with [ bleep ] and [ bleep ]s. >> these are big buzzy words too. >> when i say the word [ bleep ], what words come to your mind?

>> how big can it be? what length would you like it to be? >> please stand up, all of you. you've got the most beautiful [ bleep ]s ever. i wanted to grab one of those [ bleep ]s and ride that [ bleep ]. >> every morning i get up at 6:00 and i [ bleep ] them in the [ bleep ]. the pig is there, the horses are there. >> turkey [ bleep ]er. >> mr. harper, you [ bleep ]ed a woman's eye and you have the nerve to come in my courtroom and laugh about it? sir, please sit down. [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: next week on "jimmy kimmel live" -- ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. music from maneskin is on the way. earlier tonight here on abc, our next guest continued to demonstrate that senior citizens are just as horny as the rest of us. [ laughter ] please welcome the werther's original gangster, "the golden bachelor," gerry turner. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you doing? thanks for coming. >> thank you.

>> jimmy: it's very good to have you here. >> thanks. >> jimmy: are you enjoying this experience? >> every minute of it. >> jimmy: had you been -- were you a "bachelor" viewer before this? >> not much. i'd watched sporadically, but not very much. >> jimmy: you don't have a favorite bachelor, anything like that? >> i don't, no, no. >> jimmy: had you tried dating? you know you don't have to go on tv to find a woman, they're out there, they're all over. >> i didn't know that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: had you been on any of the apps? >> jimmy: that's the problem, you were the only one on zoosk. [ laughter ] what is zoosk? >> there was another one, though. i had a problem. >> jimmy: there was another person? >> there was one other person. i had a problem. i had a rule. i only wanted to stay within 60 miles. i wanted them to be age appropriate, so above 60. i broke my rule with this woman. >> jimmy: why? >> well, she wore me down. i'm easy, let's face it. >> jimmy: she wore you down sexually? >> no. [ laughter ] that's later. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> so i drive to her house, and

she doesn't look anything like the picture that she posted on her profile. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's how it works. [ laughter ] >> it sort of is. so i have the conversation with her. i asked her, "how old is the picture?" she goes, "that's a recent picture, but it's a picture of my sister, she's six years younger." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you drive to the sister's house? >> no. [ laughter ] i took them both to dinner. >> jimmy: did you really? >> yeah, what the hell. >> jimmy: very smooth, that's very smooth. a lot of people are rooting for you. you seem like a nice guy. you have a nice story. i know you have daughters. are they enjoying watching you on the show? >> they are loving it. they're fully invested in this. right from the very beginning until just last night. >> jimmy: did they give you strong opinions about who you should be picking? because they're kind of involved in this too. >> they didn't give me strong opinions about that, but they did give me some advice. >> jimmy: what was the advice? >> never, ever kiss a woman on that first night. >> jimmy: never? >> yeah, don't do it. >> jimmy: really? >> i failed four times. [ laughter ]

four. >> jimmy: i mean, that's kind of the point of the show, really. >> it sort of is, yeah. >> jimmy: i have a bone to pick with you. i mentioned it in the monologue. is that your name is g-e-r-r-y, which to me is jerry, i think to most decent people, it's jerry. [ laughter ] you go by gary? >> listen just for a moment. "geary." it's irish. >> jimmy: like the architect, frank geary? >> geary roddenberry. >> jimmy: don't know him. [ laughter ] >> it's a generational thing. >> jimmy: i see, okay. i wondered what america thought when they saw the spelling of your name. we went on the streets to find out. >> very simple question. how do you pronounce this name? >> jerry. >> not gary? >> jerry. >> jerry? >> jerry.

>> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> jerry. >> how do you pronounce this? >> gary. >> this? >> gary. >> this? >> gary. >> this? >> gary. >> this? >> gary. >> this? >> gary. >> this? >> jerry. >> perfect. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: sometimes you have to give in. >> i guess. but, you know, it takes me back to when i was in the third grade. and i would -- i was in a catholic school. i kept telling the teachers, the nuns, what my name was. and they said, "no, your name is jerry." >> jimmy: see that, you got a message from the lord and you ignored it. [ laughter ] >> the message was the rap on the knuckles when i kept saying my name was gary. >> jimmy: that's why catholicism is dwindling, all the beatings. [ laughter ] >> that is true, it's a problem. >> jimmy: another bone i have to pick with you is you could have been my uncle, you didn't pick aunt chippy. she showed up, she got all dolled up.

do we have video of that? she then passed out. [ laughter ] she fell asleep during the rose ceremony. yeah. so they had to make sure she was alive, actually. what was it about aunt chippy that you didn't like? and be honest. she can take it. she's sitting right here. >> there's really only one thing. >> jimmy: what? >> she's a smoker. >> jimmy: oh. >> that's one of my red flags. >> jimmy: she's not just a smoker, she's an olympic smoker. [ laughter ] she was actually one of the great -- >> i could tell. >> jimmy: one of the great smokers. so smoking is a no-no for you? >> it is. >> jimmy: would you give up smoking for geary or whatever the hell his name is? >> first i'd have to be able to find out his name. >> jimmy: right. >> then maybe i would consider giving up smoking. especially my two cigarettes a day. >> jimmy: two cigarettes? yeah, but they're like eight feet long. [ laughter ] are you having second thoughts now? you wish you'd -- >> no. [ laughter ]

i'm so sorry, chippy. >> don't be sorry. don't be sorry. it's quite all right. >> do you remember that i woke you up? >> you're much too young for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's nice to hear, right? >> yeah, that's really -- >> jimmy: what happened, you woke her up? >> i woke her up during the episode. she was sleeping so soundly. i wanted to -- i put a mirror under her nose, actually. wanted to make sure she was okay. >> jimmy: and she's not. >> then she rolled over, "is it time for my rose yet?" i go, "no, chippy, i'm sorry, it's not time yet." she rolled right back to sleep. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've taped the whole season already? >> yes, it's done. >> jimmy: yes. are you in love? condition you say that? if you're in love or not? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are in love? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, you are. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i know you don't watch "the bachelor" that much, but i think you're not supposed to say. you are in love, oh, that's great. >> i didn't say with who, you know. i love my daughters. >> jimmy: oh, well. it's getting weird now. [ laughter ]

well, i hope that it works out great for you. i think it's been a lot of fun watching this twist, you know? it's been more wholesome in a way. >> it's been fun for me too. >> jimmy: did you enjoy that lap dance you got on the show tonight? >> yes. [ laughter ] it was a high point. >> jimmy: who do i do watch with? who do you watch the episodes with? >> i watch with my daughters. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> more recently i watch with all my pickleball friends one night, with family on another night. >> jimmy: you go around, i see. the pickleball guys, huh? why do you have a camera on me? [ laughter ] i feel we've been bamboozled somehow on this golden bachelor thing. >> i haven't taken five weeks off. >> jimmy: it was five months. [ laughter ] it's great to have you here. go take five months off, you've earned it. it's "the golden bachelor," thursday nights 8:00 on abc. "geary" turner, everybody. we'll be back with maneskin!

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with the freestyle libre 2 system. know your glucose level and where it's headed. without fingersticks. manage your diabetes with more confidence. now widely covered by medicare for patients managing diabetes with insulin. visit freestylelibre.us/medicare to learn more. >> jimmy: thanks to josh duhamel and gerry turner. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, this is the deluxe version of their album "rush" coming out november 10th. here with the song "honey, are you coming," maneskin!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ meet me there where it never closes meet me there where it's never hopeless ♪ ♪ all is fair in love ohhh honey, are you coming ♪ ♪ ♪ i know a place downtown if you wanna go i'm gonna show you ♪ ♪ how this italian amor it's gonna love you harder than ever before ♪ ♪ you will like it we're gonna get sky high and create a new world ♪ ♪ where somebody might die but nobody gets hurt and if it sounds good for ♪ ♪ you baby just say the word

you will like it it's 5 am ♪ ♪ we feel so good it's almost frightening it's 5 am ♪ ♪ i'm made for you we can't deny it meet me there ♪ ♪ where it never closes meet me there where it's never hopeless ♪ ♪ all is fair in love ohhh meet me there ♪ ♪ where it never closes meet me there i'll give you your roses ♪ ♪ all is fair in love ohhh honey before i found this place ♪ ♪ i was feeling so blue but then it turned me out let it do it to you ♪ ♪ it's not a one night stand if it turns into two oh i like it ♪ ♪ it's 5 am

we feel so good it's almost frightening ♪ ♪ let's try again i don't deserve you you're a diamond ♪ ♪ meet me there where it never closes meet me there ♪ ♪ where it's never hopeless all is fair in love ohhh honey ♪ ♪ meet me there where it never closes meet me there ♪ ♪ i'll give you your roses all is fair in love ohhh honey ♪ ♪ are you coming ♪ ♪ ♪ honey are you coming ♪

♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, staging ground. >> this area is a war zone. we are now in a war zone. >> byron: israel's ground force buildup just 20 miles down the road from the site of the