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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  May 9, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am PDT

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49ers traded the pitch and made another, hopping back in and picking up ohio state and tied at 57th overall. in the third round, they grabbed marcus martin and the inside linebacker and clemson at 100. before today's portion of the draft, or the wide receiver stevie johnson. >> i haven't had so much excitement for the raiders in a lot of years. >> have a great weekend and a great mother's day. >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests --
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james mcavoy. amy schumer. musical guest, tune-yards. and featuring the legendary roots crew. and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you. awesome. that's what i'm talking about right there. hot crowd. welcome to "the tonight show" everybody. thank you for being here tonight. great show tonight. good looking crowd. welcome. yeah. [ cheers and applause ]
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welcome. welcome, welcome to the show. we're going to have fun here. here's what everyone's taking about. last night was the first round of the nfl draft. it was right across the street at radio city music hall. a lot of excitement there but it was a little tense. tense night for quarterback johnny manziel. [ laughter ] also known as johnny football they call him. it was tense for him because everyone expected him to go pretty high in the draft. he fell to number 22. at one point the "today" show was like, "so, how do you feel about johnny foosball?" [ laughter ] so cool. that's right johnny manziel fell all the way to number 22. but as he was getting passed over he got messages of support from his fans while i just got flashbacks to gym class. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] "i can play kickball too guys."
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"get out of here nerd." ♪ but on top of falling in the draft it seemed like the nfl commissioner was a little confused when saying johnny manziel's name. check it out. >> with the 22nd pick in the 2014 nfl draft, the wickedly talented adele dazeem. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: adele dazeem. you see where he got that. yeah. oh, i also want to say congrats to our pal ha ha clinton-dix. [ cheers ] he's a safety who was drafted by the green bay packers last night. that's right. his name is ha ha clinton-dix. [ laughter ] i just hope he does well. you hate to hear some guy in the crowd go like, "you suck, clinton-dix!" [ laughter ] what? [ cheers and applause ] his name is -- >> jimmy: but that's right. clinton-dix is a packer.
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[ laughter ] only way that can get better if he was a tight end. if he was a tight end -- [ laughter ] that's good. >> steve: that's good. is he a wide receiver? [ laughter ] i'm asking what position he plays. >> jimmy: i don't know. i don't know. hey, i want to wish everyone a a happy mother's day. oh yeah, wow. [ cheers and applause ] happy, happy, happy mother's day to all the mothers. [ applause ] and since this is my wife's first mother's day i went with my daughter and got one of those hand prints made in clay. [ audience aws ] and my wife was like, "thanks, honey, but i'd rather have the baby's hand print." [ laughter ] and i'm like, "well i'm famous. so i mean it's worth more." [ laughter ] i'm the one who grows her. actually a new survey found that the average person will spend $162 on their mom for mother's day.
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and about ten seconds in their junk drawer finding a gift for father's day. there you go dad. [ laughter ] a yo-yo that says "dukakis '88" on it. there you go. of course everyone wants to show their appreciation for their moms this weekend. so here with a spelled-out tribute to their mothers are the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mother, m, marvelous because that's what you are mom. >> questlove: o, outstanding. you did an outstanding job of raising me. >> tariq: t, totally outstanding. just like what quest said but with the word totally at the beginning. [ laughter ] >> h, hamburger. [ laughter ] because i could really go for a a hamburger right now. love you mom. >> e, e.t. phone home, e.t. phone home.
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man, i love that little mother[ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> r, i can't do it. i never learned r. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean you never learned r? >> well, growing up my school couldn't afford to teach us our r. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? it's just a letter. r. r. r. r. >> why are you barking like a a seal jimmy? [ laughter ] this one's for you mom. >> jimmy: thank you very much, roots. i appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] barking like a seal. [ applause ] by the way mark, e.t. wasn't a
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a robot. he was an alien. [ laughter ] >> steve: i know. wasn't even a robot. >> jimmy: i don't know what he was doing, man. [ laughter ] this is kind of scary, the white house went on lockdown yesterday for the second time in three days after someone threw something over the fence. security was like, "sorry, hillary, you're going to have to wait two and a half more years to move your stuff in. you can't just toss it over the fence." [ cheers and applause ] i don't know if this is a good idea or not but burger king has announced that it will start selling burgers at breakfast. [ cheers and applause ] they also changed their slogan from "have it your way" to "hungover, buddy?" [ laughter ] oh man, this is not good. the makers of kashi cereal have to pay a $5 million fine for misleading consumers by saying its products are "all natural" when they contained artificial ingredients. they also agreed to stop
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misleading consumers by labeling mulch as cereal. [ laughter ] you can plant plants in it. whatever. eat it. we don't care. [ applause ] i think this guy might be losing it a little bit. the other night on his show, anderson cooper was talking about how he sometimes gets confused for another tv personality, doctor drew. [ laughter ] and it doesn't seem like he takes it that well. i mean, watch this. >> i had somebody yell at me on the street the other day, "hey dr. drew!" and i was like, "[ bleep ] you." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? what? that's real? >> jimmy: i know how he feels, man, i've been there. even my parents call me kimmel. [ laughter ] it's my parents. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: oh, get this, i just read about a couple in miami who recently set a guiness world record by taking 355 selfies in one hour. in addition to the other world record they broke, being the most annoying people on earth. [ cheers and applause ] stop sending me selfies!
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we love each other! and finally, a new report found that noah is the post popular baby name for boys. while the least popular name for boys is still ha ha clinton-dix. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness. hey! [ cheers and applause ] welcome everybody. thank you for watching our show. we're always very excited, we're very proud to have our house band the roots right there from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] they have a new album coming out. it's out may 19th. >> may 19th. >> jimmy: here it is right here. the root's new album. that's the cover. [ cheers and applause ] you can pre-order it right now.
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you can pre-order it right now. it's called -- what is it called again? >> questlove: "and then you shoot your cousin." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "and then you shoot your cousin" is the name of the album. >> questlove: yep. >> jimmy: give it to mom for mom's day, whatever you want to do. the roots new album -- >> pre-order it. >> jimmy: preorder it, yeah. anyways, the record comes out the 19th. congratulations, roots. [ cheers and applause ] hardest working band ever. i love those guys. well guys, thank you for being here. we got something really cool. i'm very excited about this. coming up on monday. for the first time neil young is going to be here. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. never been on the show. >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: neil young is going to be here! [ cheers and applause ] and he's going to bring a a friend with him, jack white is coming with neil young. [ cheers and applause ] it gets crazier. it gets crazier. you hear what they're doing?
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this is crazy. so we're going to talk to those two guys and then neil is going to perform. and as he's performing, jack has this recording booth thing, have you heard about this in nashville? have you seen it? >> questlove: i've heard about it. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a a recording booth. i think it's probably like a a phone booth or something. i don't know what it is. but anyways, as you're recording they put the needle down on the record and it makes a vinyl record of the performance as it's happening live. and then the record just flies out. >> steve: whoa. >> jimmy: so we're going make some history and make one vinyl record on the show monday with neil young. how cool is that? >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm freaking out. that's right. but first we got a great show tonight. he stars in "x-men: days of future past," james mcavoy is here. [ cheers and applause ] oh the ladies, the ladies love him. >> steve: they all love james mcavoy. >> jimmy: james mcavoy. from the hit comedy central show, man she's so funny. oh my gosh i love her. "inside amy schumer," the
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lovely, the talented amy schumer is here. [ cheers and applause ] she is so funny. >> steve: love her. >> jimmy: and then we have great music, oh my gosh, they were here when we did "late night." they came on the show and they had a song. ♪ what's a boy to do when he'll never be a gangsta mmmm mmmm mmmm ♪ ♪ what's a boy to do when he'll never be a gangsta mmmm mmmm mmmm ♪ [ singing gibberish ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: something like that. much better. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, much better than that. ♪ if you move into my neighborhood you better make a sound ♪ >> jimmy: anyway, they have a a new jam and it's off the chain. that's what the kids say. yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's off the chain. yeah. it's dy-no-mite. >> jimmy: they say it's off the chain. >> steve: they say dy-no-mite off the chain. >> jimmy: dy-no-mite off the chain. that's what the kids say. this song is dy-no-mite. [ laughter ] every kid is saying that. >> steve: every kid says that. >> jimmy: every kid is saying that. >> steve: every kid in america. >> jimmy: but it's so fun, so
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if you're watching at home, right here you're going to rock it out, but if you're watching at home, crank it up and get ready to dance. tune-yards are here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] dy-no-mite! [ applause ] >> jimmy: well everybody, today is friday and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff here. i check my inbox, return some e-mails and of course send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] i was a bit behind today, so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music please? ♪ always so happy, james. >> steve: look at him. >> jimmy: always remember him being the happiest guy i ever met. >> steve: happiest guy i've ever met. >> jimmy: yep. >> steve: happiest place on earth. not disneyland. james's head. [ laughter ] lot of stuff going on in that old poyser. ♪
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thank you, new report that found that nintendo has lost over a billion dollars in the last three years, or to put it in nintendo terms -- [ mario bros. sound effect ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, roger federer for welcoming your second set of twins this week and proving you're also pretty good at doubles. [ laughter ] second set of twins. [ applause ] >> steve: he won the second set. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, graduation gowns, for basically saying this is one of the most important days of your life. so dress in your finest clothing then throw this loose fitting garbage sack over the top of it. [ cheers and applause ]
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wear the square hat too. that's what the smart people wear. >> steve: smart people wear da hat. >> jimmy: they wear da square hat. >> steve: you can put da little banner over da ribbon. [ laughter ] james graduated from good times university, right? [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, mothers, for being nature's version of the 3-d printer. [ laughter ] that makes sense. [ applause ] ♪ thank you, guys wearing spandex jogging pants for never being the guys you want to see wearing spandex jogging pants. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, people who can
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crinkle their tongue, for turning their mouth into a real life tostitos scoop. [ laughter ] there you have it. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with james mcavoy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ here's a little secret, voice control is the future. beer. dog. music. yikes. skip track, please. i'm hungry. impossible? maybe, but honeywell's latest innovation gives me hope. hello, thermostat? "hello. please say a command." i'm feeling hot. "changing set point to 68 degrees" the wi-fi thermostat that listens, learns, saves. from honeywell. it's all your favorites and a whole lot more, like a 20-piece chicken mcnuggets --
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de>>who's got twond rhooves and just got ae. claim status update from geico? this guy, that's who. sfx: bing. and i just got a...oh no, that's mom. sorry. claim status updates. just a tap away on the geico app.
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man: we know when parents and teachers work together... woman: our schools get stronger. man: as superintendent of public education, that's been tom torlakson's approach. woman: torlakson has supported legislation to guarantee spending decisions about our education tax dollars are made by parents, teachers and the local community... and not by sacramento politicians.
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and we need to keep that legislation on track. man: so tell tom torlakson to keep fighting for local control of school funding decisions. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a golden globe nominated actor whose latest film, "x-men: days of future past," is in 3d and theaters everywhere on may 23rd. ladies and gentlemen, james mcavoy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was a slick move there. >> thanks very much. >> jimmy: oh, that's very nice. very smooth. very slick. >> kenny everett. >> jimmy: yes, it is. now you're in new york -- now,
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no. >> i have a cramp in my foot. >> jimmy: you have a cramp in your foot? >> i do. i just have to -- you know you have to stand it out. >> jimmy: yeah. of course tariq doesn't know we can stand up if you want. first ever interview i've done standing up. [ cheers and applause ] >> we're pushing back the boundaries everyone. >> jimmy: yeah. we're taking back the talk show right now. >> so how you doing? >> jimmy: everything's great! yeah, how about you? >> i'm liking your square ended tie. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what you're touching there, but thank you very much. [ laughter ] yeah. it's a square ender, yeah. >> looks good. >> jimmy: thank you very much. i went square. i like your pointy tie. [ laughter ] >> thanks very much. >> jimmy: now you have the accent -- your scottish accent -- but you're from england. no, you're from scotland but you live in england. >> i live in england, but i'm from scotland. yeah. >> jimmy: but you spend time in new york? >> i do a little bit, yeah. my wife was working here for four months, doing "macbeth" up at lincoln center. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah.
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>> jimmy: that's pretty intense. >> it was pretty intense. she was pretty dark. [ laughter ] but you know, she spends all day killing people and killing the children and things like that, and then she'll be coming home -- >> jimmy: in the play? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> and then she'd come home and she'd be like, "hi, darling, what's for dinner?" i'm like, "anything you want, ma'am." anything. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. but did you have fun in new york? did you get to do anything or no? >> i was kind of her domestic bitch for -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well that's very nice of you. >> well i was for four months. i mean, so -- and it was good. it was good fun. so i got to stay at home and look after the kids, and look after her. >> jimmy: the nfl draft is happening still next door. have you gotten into american sports at all or -- >> i have zero knowledge of the nfl or nfl draft. i kind of look out for the knicks, which is -- >> jimmy: basketball, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's close! it's close. it's something. yeah, yeah. >> it's balls, and it's american. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the correct. that's the slogan. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> american balls. i'm into american balls. >> jimmy: you're into american balls. good for you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] i've heard that about you.
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yeah, yeah, yeah. >> oh. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. so you're into the knicks. what do you like the knicks for? i love them too. >> well, i don't know. there's something glorious about them. i'm from scotland and we generally, these days, aren't good at any sport. [ light laughter ] and we seem to be really good at being beaten. we're kind of never at our best, and we're kind of going we should have won that match but we didn't. and it feels like the knicks are a bit like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sure they'll really appreciate that. yeah. that's very, very nice. >> well, they kind of appeal to my sense of the scottish defeatism. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] but they'll get them next year. now do you think american fans are different than british fans? >> yeah. i think -- well, the thing that i think -- what's interesting about american sports is it's kind of food based. >> jimmy: food based? >> it's food based, yeah. you know, it lasts four hours, so you've got enough time for an eight course meal. >> jimmy: yeah, you do. >> and there is -- there is an enough food on for all eight courses. and also you're allowed to drink within the stadium as
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well. >> jimmy: yeah. >> whereas at home, you're not allowed to drink. you'd get thrown out. and if you did drink in the stadiums at home, i think it'd be a blood bath. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you telling me you're not allowed to drink during british soccer games? >> no, it'd get too violent. and it's too kind of crazy. >> jimmy: but they seem like they're drunk. [ laughter ] >> yes, that's true. but because you are not allowed to drink, what happens is -- you know -- it might be better to do it like americans. in britain, people would go to the pub before the game, spend half an hour drinking eight pints -- [ light laughter ] and then turn up to the game and be like -- [ laughter ] and then go home, pass out and then, not be able to remember the game the next day. so maybe we should allow drinking during the match. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it would be a less desperate affair. >> jimmy: yeah, it would be. yeah, much so. we'll talk about. we'll get into that, absolutely. now i've got to talk about this movie. it's going to be the biggest movie ever. "x-men: days of future pasts." it's fantastic by the way. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, it is.
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>> jimmy: all the x-men movies are great. you're great in it. it is a big cast. and you know i heard this story. i don't know if it's true or not. but off the screen, like in the backstage areas, you guys would shoot each other with guns? >> yeah. i mean, i'd like to be able to say that that story is blown out of proportion, but it's totally true. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> well, you know, on these big movies you've got a lot of down time. it's all very much hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, now wait for eight hours. so nick hoult and i went to canadian tire and bought like ten bb guns and gave one to jen lawrence and one to hugh and one to michael. and we basically had this like bb war going on in between takes, which is kind of amazing. >> jimmy: wait a minute? you shot bb guns at each other? >> yeah. i shot a hole in josh helman's face. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: why would you do this? where do you buy these? in canadian town? >> canadian tire, it's a store in canada. we were filming in montreal. [ cheers ] we got some canadians, eh? >> jimmy: yeah. >> but like, "no, we just like to cheer." >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> josh came like chasing
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around the corner and he wouldn't let up. and i was running away and i flicked one off behind me, so to speak. [ laughter ] and i wasn't aiming it. it just like smacked him right in the chin. put a hole in his face. and he was cool with it. he's a guy. [ laughter ] but his fiance came to visit and she was like -- >> jimmy: oh boy. >> she came up to me. i was like, "hey, it's nice to meet you." she was like, "hey, i hear you put a hole in my fiance's face." and i was like, "yeah, you know, boys will be boys." she's like, "no, no, no. it's really not cool. i was like, "ah, you know, boys will be boys." she's like, "no, it's really not cool." >> jimmy: you don't mess with the fiance, man. no, no, no, no. >> it was that thing where she wasn't even angry with me. she was just that disappointed in me. >> jimmy: oh, that's even worse. >> i felt like crying man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't shoot jennifer lawrence. she's an american treasure. >> yeah. jennifer lawrence started -- [ laughter ] she was -- she was -- like, she was horrible. she's nasty. >> jimmy: she was shooting other people? >> oh, yeah, man.
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she was like -- you could not stop her. she was like the terminator. [ laughter ] she was so harsh that at one point myself, michael and nick cornered her in the bathroom of her caravan, her trailer, and she's in full blue makeup. and we must have had, i don't know, eight pellets each. and we just unloaded, while she's like cowering. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why? you can't just -- little jenny lawrence. >> well, we can and we did. [ applause ] >> jimmy: she probably deserved it. i don't know. >> some of the stuff she did was full on, i tell you. >> jimmy: yeah. now this plot of this film is a a little tricky, right? >> ah, i think tricky would be to do it a disservice. i would say sophisticated. >> jimmy: ah! hey, that's very nice. it was very sophisticated this plot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: because it's the future and the past of x-men. so you actually meet yourself in the movie at one point? >> i meet myself, and it's the most romantic scene -- >> jimmy: oh my god. you know what -- [ laughter ] >> i'm going, "hey, you're kind of -- you're kind of great
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looking." >> jimmy: you have a love scene with yourself? >> i do. >> jimmy: you do not. >> no. >> jimmy: so you have to team up because you have to change the past to re -- to stop what might happen in the future. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that's not bad, right? i did a good job there. it was sophisticated for me. >> it's very sophisticated. now, we have a clip here. here's our pal james mcavoy in "x-men: days of future past." i want you guys to take a look at this. >> i was sent here for you. >> well, tell whoever it was that sent you that i'm busy. >> it's going to be a little tricky because the person who sent me was you. >> what? >> about 50 years from now. >> 50 years from now? like in the future 50 years from now? >> yeah. >> i sent you from the future? >> yeah. if you had your powers, you'd know i was telling the truth. >> how do you know i don't have my -- all right, you've peaked my interest. what do you want? >> i need your help. we need your help. >> jimmy: there we go! james mcavoy! "x-men: days of future past" is in theaters may 23rd.
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amy schumer joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain. it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor. if your doctor decides viagra is right for you, you can fill your prescription at your pharmacy. or, check out viagra home delivery, a convenient place to fill your prescription online and have it shipped at no additional cost straight to your door. viagra home delivery. get started at viagra.com.
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doesn't really look like burger. man 2: grilled beef patty? that's burger-esque. man 1: yeah, but the flour tortilla is, like, quesadilla-y. man 2: it's both, okay? you happy? man 1: dude, it's four bucks. i am definitely happy. [ding] waitress: welcome to denny's. we hear you have great deals. yes, but they're going fast. toyotas are safe and reliable. r-e-l-i-a-b-l-e. and loaded with technology. t-e-c-h-n-o-l-o-g-y. finals are tonight. i was in a spelling bee once. spell "expeditious." well, i didn't win it. [ chuckles ] [ male announcer ] during toyota time, get 0% apr financing for 60 months on a 2014 prius. offer ends june 2nd. for more great deals, visit toyota.com. ♪ toyota. let's go places.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest created, writes, and stars in the hit comedy central show, "inside amy schumer", which airs tuesday nights at 10:30 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the very funny amy schumer! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: oh, that's -- amy schumer, welcome to the show, my friend. >> thank you. thanks for having me. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. >> hi, james mcavoy. >> james: hi, amy schumer. >> jimmy: you look beautiful. >> am i still supposed to sit like this even though he's there? >> jimmy: no. >> james: sorry, i'm just fascinated with the back of your head. [ laughter ] >> usually the other way, right? >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] >> sorry, new time slot. i've been loving the show. loving -- >> jimmy: amy, watch it. this is a new time slot. >> new time slot. >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> i love the show. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that. i love your show. gosh, your show's so good. you're killing on that show but also then -- big news, you're doing a giant big movie with judd apatow. >> i know. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's one of the best directors out there. >> i'm like, i keep waiting for them to be, like, "actually you're going to be played by kate hudson."
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i was like, "of course. of course." >> jimmy: that makes sense. no. but you wrote it and you're developinig with judd. >> it's happening. >> jimmy: you're shooting this it summer? >> yeah! >> jimmy: and i just heard yesterday, or 2 days ago, is this true? lebron james has been cast in your movie with you? >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] lebron james. and apparently -- not just an, an actor. he's, like, sick at basketball. [ laughter ] sick, you guys. yeah. >> jimmy: but how do you like being out in l.a.? is it a different scene out there? >> yeah. it's not for me. i'm like, you know. i'm a new york girl. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm just more comfortable here. i mean, you can just tell based on arm size alone that, like, these are -- [ laughter ] like, these are new york arms. they're really -- [ cheers and applause ] they're -- yeah, i mean -- yeah, in l.a. >> jimmy: perfect arms. >> thank you. but they register size in l.a. they're like -- [ laughter ] out there, yeah. i can't. every time i try to get comfortable in l.a., i'm just
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reminded like, no, go home. i was just -- i went to a laker game -- >> jimmy: uh-huh. yeah. >> and i got to sit on the court. like, they let me. i had, like, a ticket. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and i was randomly seated next to dianna agron. the gorgeous girl. she's on "glee." >> jimmy: oh, yeah. beautiful! >> gorgeous. and -- so, and i didn't think the people would be taking pictures. i just didn't think about that. you -- there's a pitcutre of it, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, you can tell, she knows that people are going to want her picture. but i'm just, like, drunk. scowling. [ laughter ] like, look at -- like, look at -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my gosh! amy, what's wrong with you? >> i don't know. i just didn't think about it. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> and she knows people -- like, she's keeping up -- and i don't have a chin where you can just, like, see what happens. i have to keep it at sea level or my face doubles itself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have to keep it at sea level, yeah. >> but she knows! i was drunk. i was eating popcorn. and you know when you start eating popcorn, you're like, "oh. like, i'll just have a little popcorn." and then, eventually you're
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just like -- [ laughter ] get in, right? and -- and all the pictures were so -- i'd look like her if she were like stung by a million bees. >> jimmy: that's not true. amy, now, stop it. that's not true. >> don't lie to me! >> jimmy: that's not true at all. >> i'd look like her if she were, like, becoming "the hulk." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: amy, that's not true at all. >> i'm telling you! >> jimmy: you look beautiful. stop it. >> people were concerned for her safety. they thought i was going to, like, become an x-men character and just, like -- >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no. >> eat her. >> jimmy: they weren't -- they were afraid you might eat her? >> yes! >> jimmy: that's not true! that's not -- they didn't think that. >> she's a fair maiden and they wrote about it the next day. and then, my subtext is just like, i was like, "fee fi fo fum." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true! no, no, no. congrats on your show. either i send you an e-mail or i eeted you because -- >> yeah, thank you. >> jimmy: i love your show so much. it's so good -- and there's so many subtle little funny -- i mean, it's a super funny show but then there's subtle little great acting chops. >> thanks a lot. >> jimmy: and i, i just -- was just so impressed by you.
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and i was like, "oh, my gosh." i had to tell you how funny i think the show was. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: and then "entertainment weekly" said it's on the month list. >> aww! >> jimmy: and that's a big deal. number one right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you. i didn't even hear about it. >> jimmy: i didn't even know that was out. >> i taped it to my ceiling. >> jimmy: yeah. and i'm psyched to say your, your pals are here, right? your friends? >> my best friends for my whole life from high school are here. [ cheers ] there they are! >> jimmy: where are they? >> right there. >> jimmy: hi guys. but yeah, we've been friends forever so it's really cool. we're from new york. >> jimmy: welcome to the show. that's awesome. glad you guys are here. is it pretty fun to see your pals getting all drunk and everything? >> yeah. look at the enthusiasm. they don't care. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. they're like this. [ laughter ] "it's so fun. we're so proud of her." >> no, they are so fun. they're like -- you know, they have, like, kids and they're married now. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i'm like, the sad weirdo. their kids are like, "why is she always alone?" they're like, "shh." but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but, no. you are -- they are fun.
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you do a thing called "pyramid." >> we do a human pyramid at every party. we always do this. >> do it! >> we make a human pyramid. no, we can't do it. are you serious? it takes like 30 minutes. [ cheers and applause ] >> they're like, "no." we could do something else that we used to do. we'll do something else we used to do. but, look, see how -- in all the -- i'm always a base. >> jimmy: what's the other thing you used to do? >> see how you're always a a base? well, okay. other than human pyramid, which we're sober there, i swear -- is -- we would do invisible double dutch. have you ever heard -- it's like, you do -- hot sax. we do invisible double dutch. we just get drunk -- >> jimmy: oh -- >> both: hot sax. >> is where we -- >> james: like american balls. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. no, no. it's not like, american balls. no. >> mcavoy! >> jimmy: we play the -- we play -- like, a fake, air saxophone. >> yeah, so we do air double dutch. we get drunk at bars and we clear it out and we -- will you do it with me? >> jimmy: of course! let's do it! >> you have to take one of the ropes and then, we need people to come and double dutch. you just jump in. i know it seems weird but it's really fun. >> jimmy: james want to do it? >> i'll do it. yeah! >> jimmy: i'll try [ cheers and applause ] >> let's do this. oh, thank you. okay.
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>> jimmy: all right, so -- >> do you have music? >> jimmy: tariq, frank, you guys want to do it? >> oh, my god. i mean, we need some music, and then we just take the ropes -- >> jimmy: okay. >> okay. ♪ whenever you're ready, tariq. okay, here we go. >> jimmy: come on, tariq. >> come on. you can do it. >> jimmy: there he is. he's in! [ cheers ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: hey! he's good. >> he's too good. all right, let's do it. james mcavoy. james mcavoy. >> jimmy: oh, sorry. sorry, sorry. >> don't hit james mcavoy. >> jimmy: sorry, james! here we go. [ clapping ] >> here we go. here we go. oh! >> jimmy: oh! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: go! go! go, james! go, james! go, james! >> go, james. >> jimmy: come on, frank. come on, frank. come on, frank. come on, frank. go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! go! >> oh my god. yes. >> jimmy: here take the rope. >> will you take the rope? james, will you take the rope? [ cheers ] >> go, jimmy!
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go, jimmy! go, jimmy! go, jimmy! go, jimmy! go, jimmy! go, jimmy! >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: go on, lady! >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. you guys -- amy schumer! [ cheers and applause ] more with amy schumer when we get back, you guys. ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we're hanging out with james mcavoy, amy schumer. amy, thank you for that. it was super fun. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: amy, i consider you an honest person. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. welcome. [ light laughter ] >> you too. you too. >> jimmy: thank you. we're both honest people. >> we're two honest people sitting here. >> jimmy: but i want to know who's more honest. it's time for "truth or truth." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ truth or truth
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>> all right, jimmy. you're up first. >> jimmy: okay. >> truth or truth? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: truth. >> what's your motto in life? >> jimmy: you got to risk it to get the biscuit. [ laughter ] now it's on you. which is it? truth or truth? >> hmm, hmm. [ laughter ] truth. >> jimmy: if you could make out with one person from history, who would it be? >> christian bale in "newsies." [ laughter and applause ] jimmy, your turn. truth or truth?
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>> jimmy: from "newsies"? [ laughter ] >> that's the best christian bale. >> jimmy: okay. [ scattered cheers ] truth? >> fair enough. if you had only 24 hours left to live, what would you do? >> jimmy: finally finish season two of "jag." [ laughter ] truth or truth? >> truth. >> jimmy: teeth. what do you think of them? >> i've been told to use less. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, truth or truth? truth or truth? >> jimmy: we're on an earlier time slot now, amy. >> sorry, i forgot. >> jimmy: oh! i'm going to go with truth. >> what were your first words as a baby? >> jimmy: y'all don't know me. [ laughter and applause ]
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last one. truth or truth? >> truth. >> jimmy: what do you want your tombstone to say? >> this was a homicide. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was "truth or truth." you're a very honest person. my thanks to amy schumer. "inside amy schumer" airs tuesdays, 10:30 on comedy central. tune-yards performs next. come on back. james mcavoy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the amount of stress when you're supporting yourself. i just want to make financial decisions knowing what i have and what is going to be there. with american express serve you have a full service prepaid account that helps you handle your money simply and affordably. all for just $1 a month. backed by the 24/7 service of american express. this is what membership is. this is what membership does. get started with an american express serve account today.
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eat like that guy you know. liquid gold. it's that voice in your head, making sure you sleep through that yoga class. convincing you that one donut hole couldn't possibly lead to another. average. average blames the camera for those extra 10 pounds. ... and sets the treadmill on mosey... or stroll...or loiter. need an excuse? average has 'em all. skip the gym. it'll probably be too crowded anyway. average. yeah, take it easy there, fella. average...has memory issues... (man) i forgot to work out. i forgot to work out. (vo) ...and memory issues. (man) my workout. (vo) it's crowning acheivement? everyone gets a trophy. (trophy) average is good. (boy) average is good. (vo) no. average is average. you can beat it.
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and it starts at gnc.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get ready and turn up your tv sets. our next guests just released their third album "nikki nack." they're here tonight to play a a song from it called "water fountain." please welcome tune-yards. [ cheers and applause ] [ clapping beat ] ♪ no water in the water fountain no side on the sidewalk if you say old molly hare ♪ ♪ whatcha doing there nothing much to do when you're going nowhere wooha wooha gotcha ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the
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water from your house your house ♪ ♪ no water in the water fountain no wood in the wood stock and you say old molly hare ♪ ♪ whatcha doing there nothing much to do when you're going nowhere wooha wooha gotcha ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ nothing feels like dying like the drying of my skin and lungs ♪ ♪ while we just sit here while they watch us wither till we're gone ♪ ♪ i can't seem to feel it i can't seem to feel it i can't seem to feel all new all new all new ♪ ♪ the cold stew you will ride the whip you'll ride the crack no use in fighting back ♪ ♪ you'll sledge the hammer if there's no one else to take the flak i can't seem to feel it ♪ ♪ i can't seem to find it your fist clenched my neck we're neck and neck and neck and neck and neck ♪ ♪ no water in the water fountain
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no phone in the one booth and you say old molly hare ♪ ♪ whatcha doing there jump back jump back daddy shot a bear woo ha woo ha gotcha ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ i saved up all my pennies and i gave them to the special guy ♪ ♪ when he had enough of them he bought himself a cherry pie he gave me a dollar ♪ ♪ a blood-soaked dollar i cannot get the spot out but it's okay it still works in the store ♪ ♪ greasy man come and dig my well life without your water is a burning hell ♪ ♪ serve me up with your home-grown rice anything make me feel nice ♪ ♪ and the two pound chicken taste better with friends a two pound chicken taste better with two ♪ ♪ and i know where to find you so listen to the words i say baby ♪ ♪ say give me your head a vertigo a round and round and round now i'm in your bed ♪ ♪ how did i get ahead whoop your fingers through my hair ♪ ♪ fingers through my hair give me a dress give me a press
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i'll give a thing a caress ♪ ♪ wouldya wouldya wouldya listen to the words i say sound like a floral bouquet a lyrical round and round and round ♪ ♪ okay take a picture it'll last all day hey your fingers through my hair do it till you disappear ♪ ♪ gimme your head gimme your head off with his head hey hey hey hey ♪ ♪ no water in the water fountain no side on the side walk and you say ♪ ♪ nothing much to do when you're going nowhere whooha whooha whooha whooha ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ we're gonna get the water from your house your house ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! come on. that's the way to do it right there. tune-yards. "nikki nack" is in stores now. see them live on tour starting may 23 in bend, oregon. we'll be right back everybody.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪
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man: you know, it's funny, this baja quesadilla burger doesn't really look like burger. man 2: grilled beef patty? that's burger-esque. man 1: yeah, but the flour tortilla is, like, quesadilla-y. man 2: it's both, okay? you happy? man 1: dude, it's four bucks. i am definitely happy. [ding] waitress: welcome to denny's.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what a fun show! my thanks to james mcavoy, amy schumer, tune-yards! and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. hope to see you next week. buh-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- cameron diaz and leslie mann. ronan farrow.

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