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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  May 14, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am PDT

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the dog is in quarantine. tara will make an appearance on the "today" show tomorrow morning. >> it is incredible video to look at it over and over. you have a leash walking over the neighborhood. she's fierce. >> cats are smart. the cat knew what was going on. protect the kid. >> thanks for joining us at 11:00. jimmy fallon is next. we hope to see you here tomorrow. >> bye-bye. >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- maya rudolph robert duvall
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musical guest, lily allen and featuring the legendary roots crew. and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about right there. looking good. welcome to the "tonight show" everybody. we're going to have some fun tonight, right? [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the show and thank you for watching at home. here's what people are talking about. just one day after
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donald sterling's explosive interview with cnn, anderson cooper sat down with magic johnson for a follow-up interview. and get this, at one point magic actually said he's praying for sterling. praying for him to get stuck in an elevator with beyonce's sister. [ cheers and applause ] that's right magic said he's praying for sterling. but he also described donald sterling in a pretty interesting way. take a look at this. >> but this is -- it's sad. when i saw that interview it's sad. it really is. i'm going to pray for this young man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: young man? have you seen donald sterling? [ laughter ] i'm praying for magic to get his eyes checked. he needs glasses. those guys on "60 mintues," they look like one direction. [ laughter ] no they don't.
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of course the donald sterling and magic johnson interviews have been so successful for cnn that they somehow convinced the two of them to sit down together. [ audience oohs ] the whole thing kind of felt really awkward. let's take a look. we have a clip. [ laughter ] >> if i said anything wrong -- >> this is really weird. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] great interview. it was weird. it was weird. >> steve: it was weird. >> jimmy: but cnn is having a a pretty good week with anderson cooper's big interviews. it's nice to see because a lot of people thought they were a a bit too focused on that missing plane. but now they've -- [ light laughter ] please. they're finally moving on. no more missing plane. let's see what cnn is working on now. >> the santa maria, the boat
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christoper columbus took to the new world may finally have been found. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, all right, yeah. yeah, we were all wondering where the santa maria has been all the years. [ laughter ] >> steve: where is it? >> jimmy: we know where the nina and the pinta are. >> steve: but where's the santa maria? >> jimmy: where's the nina and pinta? >> steve: we don't know. >> jimmy: oh my god. a two hour special. [ laughter ] that's not the only boat missing. [ laughter ] of course the other big story is that fight that went on between jay-z and beyonce's sister solange. and now the reports say that solange attacked jay-z because he was annoyed that her friends were using his name to crash the met ball. but on the bright side, higgins and i had a wonderful time. [ laughter ] >> steve: we did. >> jimmy: we had a really good -- >> steve: fantastic. >> jimmy: hello. >> steve: solange, so thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. we are here with jazz, i think he's on the list. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: higgins, here we go. i think we are ready for this jelly. here we go. [ laughter ] >> steve: we are prepared. >> jimmy: yeah. we don't even need two seats. we share a chair. because with a name like smuckers it has to be good. [ laughter ] ♪ >> steve: thank you frank. thank you kirk. thank you quest. tariq, thank you. nobody, james? okay great. >> jimmy: that was spoofy's address as a jelly joke. >> steve: well i was waiting for you to stop talking. >> jimmy: moving really fast. it's a talk show and i host. >> steve: you the old man. >> jimmy: i have to talk. >> steve: i'm fifty years old. >> jimmy: you are not. oh i'm going to pray for that young man. [ laughter ] ♪ there he is, steve higgins everybody. steve higgins, best in the business right there. best in the business. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: right back at you.
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>> jimmy: this is pretty crazy here. i just saw a new interview. pope francis -- i love that pope. everyone like this is pope. anyways this is an odd thing. he said he would baptize aliens if they asked him to. then his friends said, okay, that's enough communion wine for you, mister. [ laughter ] "you're my best friend., you're my best -- am a pretty pope? [ laughter ] am i a pretty pope?" you've had too much. please just go back. but this is a pretty big deal here. a federal judge ruled yesterday that idaho's ban on same sex marriage is unconstitutional. so it is now legal for gay couples to get married. [ cheers and applause ] idaho's gay people all cheered from their homes in san francisco and new york. they moved out of after high school. [ laughter ] they're very happy. listen to this. a court in indiana will decide
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if police can arrest someone for being annoying when they're drunk. [ laughter ] the name of the case is indiana versus the crying girl holding her shoes. [ laughter ] "am i a pretty girl? he's my favorite pope, he's my best friend." [ laughter ] i want to say happy birthday to facebook founder mark zuckerberg who turned 30 years old today. [ cheers and applause ] wow, oh my goodness. it's a big milestone for him, you know, because he's now officially the youngest person on facebook. isn't that great? yeah. >> steve: oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very cool, very cool. you guys hear about this? yesterday our buddy, alec baldwin, got busted for riding his bike the wrong way in a bike lane. [ light laughter ] and then arguing about it with the cops. that's right. he was charged with two counts of being alec baldwin. i mean that's what he does. if you know him. [ laughter and applause ]
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>> steve: we love him. >> jimmy: that's what he does. i guess, they asked him for his id and he didn't have it. something like that. i guess we know what's not in his wallet. [ laughter ] ♪ >> steve: oh, hey! dvd. >> jimmy: i thought this was interesting here. a new survey found that over half of all high school students are -- alec baldwin, everybody. right there, alec baldwin. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ no rules that guy. he doesn't care. "i'm gonna ride my bike on whatever side of the street i want to ride my bike. [ laughter ] ride it on a talk show. up and down alleyways. i could ride on roller coaster. i don't really care." [ laughter ] i saw this video online, it went viral. i guess this a french cooking show. i'm not totally sure what's going on but look at the bottom of the screen. ♪ [ speaking french ]
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[ laughter ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: don't worry the door is fine. [ laughter ] why wouldn't they cut that out? it's not like it's a live shot. you could easily edit that out. [ with french accent ] >> steve: we want to leave the shot it? >> jimmy: yes, we want to leave the cat in. we have to leave the pussy running into the window. [ laughter ] l >> steve: we hae to leave the pussy running into the window. sacrebleu. >> jimmy: sacrebleu. there's not smoking in here. >> steve: no, we're in france, we can smoke everywhere. >> jimmy: oh i see. >> steve: le shot, le port, le cigarette. >> jimmy: the nina, the pinta, the santa maria. where is the santa maria.? get me on the cnn right now. sacrebleu. i cannot believe it. i'm going to put this -- it's an e-cigarette. i'll put it out. [ light laughter ] and finally kim kardashian and kanye west's wedding is just a a couple weeks away you guys. [ cheers ] well get this. over the weekend the invitation
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was actually leaked online. then kim was like, "i've had worse things leaked online." we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, oh. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the show, you guys. oh. been a great week so far and there is more ahead. tomorrow night academy award winner jennifer lawrence will be here. and we're playing box of -- [ cheers and applause ] we love jennifer lawrence. she's a pal. plus, we'll have a performance from the cast of the ten-time tony-nominated musical "a gentleman's guide to love and murder." that's going to be fun tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] gentleman's guide. and on friday my pal drew barrymore is stopping by. she's starring in a new movie with adam sandler called "blended." really funny. and we got something fun planned with her, you don't want to miss it. but first we have a fantastic show tonight.
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i'm just always happy to see this person. >> steve: she's a delight. >> jimmy: she's a delight. she's beautiful, she's talented. she can do impressions, can sing she can dance. and finally she has a variety show. it's coming on nbc nights this monday after "the voice." maya rudolph is here. >> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] woah. maya! [ with french accent ] >> jimmy: i cannot believe it. [ smoking sounds ] [ fart noise ] [ laughter ] plus he is a legendary actor. >> steve: legendary. legendary. >> jimmy: can't even believe he's here. from "the godfather," "apocalypse now," "lonesome dove." the great robert duval is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! well that's it right? >> jimmy: love robert duvall. no, more! we have music from the great lily allen, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: hey! what!
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>> jimmy: ♪ it's hard out here for a ♪ watch it. b-i -- b word. it's hard out here for a b word. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: that's her song. >> steve: bite? >> steve: that's the song. it's a good jam. it basically is a song about how it's hard to be a female entertainer. because sex sells. >> steve: true. >> jimmy: but that's what it's about. ♪ ♪ shake my ass for you 'cause i've got a brain if i told you 'bout my sex life, you'd ♪ ♪ call me a slut when boys be talkin' about their bitches, no one's makin' a fuss ♪ ♪ there's a glass ceilin' to break, uh-huh, there's money to make ♪ ♪ and now it's time to speed it up ♪ >> jimmy: fantastic. that's happening tonight. lily allen. >> steve: what! >> jimmy: performance tonight. [ cheers and applause ] smash hit song. so good for her. she's right. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah. you guys, as you know we're always striving to get better here at the "tonight show." ♪ harder, better faster, stronger ♪ [ laughter and applause ] so before every show we put out
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a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show. things you'd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. so tonight let's look inside the "audience suggestion box." ♪ look into the box audience suggestion box ♪ >> jimmy: here we go right here. first one here. thank you guys for the suggestions. it is from rebecca goulding. "hey jimmy, i love 'game of thrones.'" me too. "it's so powerful and dramatic. which made me wonder what it would sound like if all the characters had little kid voices. can you do that?" i think we can do that rebecca. so here is a clip from hbo's "game of thrones" where the characters all have little kid voices. >> you can't serve in the king's guard with one hand. >> where is that written? i can and i will. this king's guard oath is for life. >> the war is over. the king is safe. >> the king is never safe. [ laughter and applause ]
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>> jimmy: this one is from andrew cole. "hey jimmy, i'm so excited to buy the roots' new album titled 'and then you shoot your cousin.' but i'm curious to know if they had any other album titles before they landed on the current one." that's right, the roots do have a new album. this is it right here. "and then you shoot your cousin." that's the album right there. [ cheers and applause ] it's available, may 19th congratulations, guys. and you know, andrew, it turns out they actually did have a a few other ideas for album titles. first they went with, the roots, "and then you hug your uncle." [ laughter ] then they changed it to, the roots, "and then you play jenga with your great grandma." [ laughter ] that didn't quite fit the vibe of the album. so they tried, "and then you pick up your nephew from karate practice." [ light laughter ] probably meant karate lessons. finally before landing on the current title the tried, "james poyser's greatist hits." [ cheers and applause ]
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"james poyser's greatest hits" there's no tracks on this album at all. [ laughter ] there's an empty -- there is no groove on the record. [ laughter ] it's a smooth record. a totally smooth record. anyway, i don't know why it didn't sell. let's try another one here. this one's from dan laccada. "hey jimmy, do you remember that group two fun men? they used to perform on 'late night.' have they been on the tonight show?" you know, that's a good question. for those of you who don't know. two fun men were these two guys who used to come on "late night." and they would dance and sing. here's a clip of some of their highlights. ♪ you can see our wallets through our pants ♪ ♪ happy halloween spooky spooky ghosts ♪ ♪ bear bear bear bear bear bear bear roar beary christmas ♪
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[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. [ applause ] i mean, that was "late night." but this is the "tonight show." we had to step our game up a a bit. which means unfortunately that two fun men cannot be on the show. [ audience aws ] but i'll tell you who can be on the show. [ drum roll ] introducing, two really fun men. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome guys. you look great. now what is the difference between two fun men and two really fun men. >> well before we were two men who like to have fun. >> but now we're two men who like to have really fun. [ laughter ] >> well, you guys talk the talk. but can you walk the walk. >> no, but we can sing the sing. hit it music! ♪ ♪ we used to be men who had fun now were men who have really fun ♪
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♪ we used to only like lizards now we like lizards and water guns ♪ ♪ we used to not like rollercoasters now we still don't like rollercoasters ♪ ♪ we're afraid of heights and they make us sick but we still like the idea of rollercoasters ♪ ♪ ♪ tap solos [ tapping ] ♪ we're here we're here now we're here to have fun everyone ♪ ♪ rhymes with fun we're here we're here now we're here to have fun ♪ ♪ woah everyone rhymes with fun ♪
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[ horn ] >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for two really fun men, everybody. there they are. ♪ that's funny. "hey jimmy --" it's from deshawn tannenbaum. hey jimmy -- deshawn tannenbaum. [ light laughter ] "jimmy, do you know those tiny little go pro cameras that you can throw around? oh those go pro ones, yeah. "do you think you can throw one of those off a building? i think that would look pretty cool." you know, deshawn, i think that would look preety cool too. and we actually have footage of someone throwing a go pro camera off the roof. and it looks pretty cool. check it out. >> jimmy: there it is. [ applause ]
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don't do that at home kids. don't try that at home. he's a professional. that was cool man. extreme tonight show. [ laughter ] here is one from matt davis. "hey jimmy, i love those big mouth billy bass singing fish that people put up on their walls. i was wondering if you knew anyone who could recreate that live. as a matter of fact i do. ladies and gentlemen, here to perform big mouth lance bass is our pal, lance bass, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i think -- i think to activate it all you have to do is press this red button right here. i think so. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ i wanna know can you help me i would love to say ♪ ♪ take me to the river drop me in the water take me to the river put me in the water ♪ >> jimmy: yeah! give it up for lance bass everybody. that's all the time we have for "audience suggestion box." stick around, we'll be right back with maya rudolph! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ making sure you pay the right price for a new car just got a whole lot easier.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest, oh. she's great. she's an emmy nominated actress whose new variety special "the maya rudolph show" airs mondays at 10:00 p.m. right here on nbc right after "the
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voice." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome maya rudolph. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: muy bueno. they're amazing. you cannot beat that. maya rudolph in the house. [ cheers and applause ] >> bravo. bravo. bravo, roots. >> jimmy: i always -- the roots. >> the roots, thank you so much. >> jimmy: bravo to you, the roots. >> jimmy: you have many favorite things that you do that make me laugh. but that one dance always makes me laugh, where you go back -- your head goes back before and
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then you go back. >> it's called the triple back. it's -- jack mcbrayer calls it the triple back. >> one, two -- >> three, and then i get stuck. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] and then you get stuck. gosh, i love it so much, man. that's so good. >> how are you, my sweet friend? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. everything's going great. i'm so happy. >> jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: oh no, no no. i don't want to -- >> jim. tracy always calls you jim. jim. >> jimmy: he always calls me jim. >> why does he call you jim? >> jimmy: i don't know but he never called me jimmy once. i think because it's an adult name. >> you're jim. >> i shouldn't be jimmy. [ laughter ] that's a young boy -- that's a a little kid's name. i should change my name to jim fallon. >> james fallon. >> jimmy: james fallon. it sounds like a ken burns movie. [ laughter ] >> are you thomas? are you james thomas? >> jimmy: james thomas gertrude. >> i miss you. >> jimmy: i miss you, so much. >> war has been so hard on me. [ laughter ] signed, j.t. ferllon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my original name was j.t. ferllon. that's when i was in a boy band. >> f-e-r-l-l-o-n. >> jimmy: j.t. ferllon. >> j.t. ferllon. >> jimmy: yeah that's what they called me. i got to congratulate you on this variety show. >> thank you.
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>> jimmy: this idea's been floating around for a long time. cause every snl i'm like, we should just do a variety show. >> i know. >> jimmy: and do like a crazy fun thing, and you did it. >> i did it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i effing did it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i do think there is no shows like that. when we grew up, we had like, "the muppet show." >> "sonny and cher." >> jimmy: "carol burnett," "sonny and cher." >> "donny and marie." remember "shields and yarnell?" >> jimmy: dude, here's what i love. i used to wave goodbye to donny and marie at the end, me and my sister would get sad. we'd wave goodbye to them. [ laughter ] at the end we'd say goodbye, and we'd wave goodbye. >> did you sing, a little bit country, a litle bit rock and roll. >> jimmy: i was a little bit country. my sister was a little bit rock and roll. [ laughter ] yeah, absolutely. and like cher -- that was the best. >> i don't even remember like, buying a cher album. but i think i probably saw every "sonny and cher" show and then "the cher show" post sonny. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there was a lot of -- there were a lot of head dresses. >> jimmy: yeah. come out in a crazy big dress, make jokes. it was funny and good, but it was a little bit corny sometimes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but i didn't mind because it was like, we were
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all in on the jokes. >> yeah. i think those are the jokes that we were probably doing at school on monday. >> jimmy: yeah, but i mean -- >> oh, grandma. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. we used to walk backwards all the way. love, james tiberius fallon. [ laughter ] >> ferllon. tiberius. i think you need to have another baby so you can name him tiberius. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, maybe, i'll think about that one. >> tiberius. come here. >> jimmy: we have to call -- i don't even call him ty? >> ty. >> jimmy: no, he doesn't want to be called that. >> berius. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: his middle name is berius. >> his first name is ty. and his middle name is the berius. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because i like to ty one on when i drink a few berius. you know what i'm saying? hey-oh. but this is -- i think this is fun. can you explain what it is? are you going to sing? is there going to be an opening numebr? >> i'm going a sing. there's an opening number, there's a live animal in it. my dress rips away. there's like, a plate sitting guy. >> jimmy: yes! >> there's children. it's nuts. >> jimmy: this is fun! >> things explode. >> jimmy: yes! that's what we want. [ cheers ] give me something good to eat. >> exactly.
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i am not -- >> jimmy: trick or treat. >> treat. >> jimmy: smell my feet. give me something good to eat. [ laughter ] >> not an apple, sir. no. >> jimmy: a bag of pennies, how dare you. [ laughter ] >> candy corn? i'll take it. >> jimmy: i'll take that. miniature charleston chew? well i can do the charleston, and i will chew them. thank you. [ laughter ] >> butterfingers, yes, please. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a weird child. that last child was very weird. >> that child's name is tiberius. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you do a sketch on your show that -- gosh, it made me laugh. it's based on the gps system. >> oh, garmins. >> jimmy: garmins. >> that's an old fred bit that we used to do. do you remember -- okay. okay. this is going a little deep. >> jimmy: okay. >> amy use to have a character named caitlin who would always ask horatio her uncle rick, like "rick, rick, rick. i want to go to the mall, rick, and get my ears pierced." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. rick, rick, rick. i loved it. ran around the couches. >> exactly. so, fred and i at like four in the morning, like whenever,
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would type things into the computer to make it talk back. what was that? it was like before siri. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. apple had it. [ digital voice ] hello. >> exactly. [ digital voice ] rick, rick, rick. i want to go to the mall, rick. [ laughter ] and we would just like make it do it over and over and over. so we were talking about stuff to do, and we decided to do a a family of those people. >> jimmy: all right. so this is meet the family called the garmin's. here's a clip from "the maya rudolph show" on this monday. take a look. [ digital voice ] >> hi. where are you from? >> i'm from indianapolis. >> i heard you say annapolis, maryland. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] is that correct? >> no. indianapolis, indiana. >> sorry, i didn't get that. [ laughter ] >> indianapolis, indiana. >> got it. indianapolis, indiana. >> jimmy: there you go. more with maya rudolph after the break everyone.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back everybody! here we're with maya rudolph right there. she has a special. your special airs monday after "the voice." >> after the voice, 10:00 p.m. >> jimmy: i think it's a a perfect follow up of "the voice" too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which is great. i'm really looking forward to it. a lot of crazy characters. a lot of fun sketches. songs. janelle monae. >> janelle monae performs. incredible. >> jimmy: going to be fun.
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[ cheers and applause ] but i wanted to help you with some characters that you could invent to come back on the show. new characters. >> that's a good idea. >> jimmy: i thought it would be fun. we should try it out here with the audience. what i'm going to do is i'm going to show you -- i'm going to show you some random head shots that we have found from our talent department. >> wonderful. >> jimmy: some of them do have names, but i don't know their voices are or who they are personality wise. i'm gonna show them. you'll see their face. you can think of a voice and what they are. >> this will help me with my character development? >> jimmy: this is the "jimmy fallon character development" class. [ laughter ] i do every other weekend on a a floating casino. >> this is what i paid 350,000 dollars for. >> jimmy: right. and you get a free mug. and there is a frisbee. >> oh. >> jimmy: it does come in the mail. [ laughter ] all right. here we go. ready? here's this first human being. this is your new character. [ laughter ] [ goofy voice ] >> "i want to eat flesh." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, stop. >> "my name is george p. ray." >> jimmy: i think he's like a -- i think he's on a new diet.
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you ever heard of this diet? you eat a horse. >> horse burn. >> jimmy: horse dung and coffee. >> you put horse dung in coffee. [ laughter ] and then you put some urine in your coffee. >> jimmy: you put some pee in your cup and you drink it every morning. you can lose weight. [ laughter ] >> it's called the george p. ray diet and it costs $35 a month. >> jimmy: is he foreign? >> he's from sweden. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. this guy's got a name. >> uh oh. [ slingblade voice ] my name is nick dennis. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: excuse me sir. what is your name? >> my name is nick dennis. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, nick dennis, do they base the movie "slingblade" on you? >> yep. i eat wood. and french fried potaters. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welcome to "slingblade." >> welcome to "slingblade." >> jimmy: i'm nick dennis. >> i'm nick dennis. you sure smell pretty. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welcome to slingblade's restaurant. i hate to tell you but we're out of french fried potaters.
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[ light laughter ] >> all we got is this woodchuck. [ laughter ] it's delicious. >> jimmy: it's delicious. we caught it out back. >> nick dennis. oh, i can't wait to do nick dennis. >> jimmy: nick dennis is gonna be a good one here. >> oh, i can't wait for the rest of this workshop. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. this is good right here. [ laughter ] [ proper english voice ] >> jimmy: oh, mr. windsor here. >> i see you've been eating the butterscotch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. no one touches mr. windsor's butterscotch. >> have i informed you of my new mobile phone number? it is 917-555-555. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is mr. windsor and he's not here to take your call. >> but, if you leave a message, he'll call you right back. byesies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just think about those. maybe, perhaps. [ cheers and applause ] our thanks to the great maya rudolph. "the maya rudolph show" airs monday at 10:00 p.m. on nbc. robert duvall joins us next.
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come on back everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ led to the one jobhing you always wanted. at university of phoenix, we believe every education- not just ours- should be built around the career that you want. imagine that. [ speaking russian ] ♪ ♪ i have no idea what you're saying, but count me in! ♪
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amyjennie:te, how we have a noon pedicure! amy: whoa whoa those pants?!... where did you get them... and can i try them on when your getting your toes done? jennie: i got them at old navy and... no. amy: this is a place of sharing and positivity and i'm hearing a lot of no right now so... jennie: they're actually on sale. the crops start at $19! amy: wow i'm getting a lot of spirit... from that price... jennie: are you ok?? amy: i'm going to let that price come up through my body... jennie: and the shorts are from 10. amy: take it! the spa is closed ladies!! look out!
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doesn't really look like burger. man 2: grilled beef patty? that's burger-esque. man 1: yeah, but the flour tortilla is, like, quesadilla-y. man 2: it's both, okay? you happy? man 1: dude, it's four bucks. i am definitely happy. [ding] waitress: welcome to denny's.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a golden globe, emmy, and academy award winning actor. oh, my goodness, he's awesome. he starred in such classic films as "the godfather", "apocalypse now", and "to kill a mockingbird. that's just some of his stuff. his latest movie, "a night in old mexico", is in theaters and on demand this is friday. ladies and gentlemen, it's my honor. please welcome, robert duvall. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: robert. >> good seeing you. >> jimmy: it's good to see you,
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brother. brando doing "guys and dolls." brando is doing "guys and dolls." robert duvall, he's -- ♪ luck be a lady [ laughter ] [ as brando ] luck be a lady tonight. and -- from arizona. >> i started out with "the howard stern show" this morning and ended up with you. i don't have any energy left. >> jimmy: you know, i was gonna ask you -- because everyone must ask you this all the time, because you're a good dancer. >> no, i'm not. i'm not a good dancer. >> jimmy: that's not true. >> social dancer. there's a difference. >> jimmy: have you seen "dancing with the stars?" it doesn't matter anymore. [ laughter ] you would kick butt on that show if you went on "dancing with the stars." >> no. >> jimmy: and you would be the first star -- >> i would never to do it because it's -- [ laughter ] wow, big deal. what? [ cheers and applause ] big deal. [ italian accent ] >> jimmy: i cannot believe you. robert duvall. you're fantastic. bruno. they would love you. >> shwetka. >> jimmy: what's that mean? >> shwetka means i'm bow legged. shwetka. >> jimmy: oh.
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say that and you're going to your crotch. [ laughter ] we have to bleep you out. we're gonna have to bleep you out, my friend. >> i like this show, but i don't know if i have enough energy for it. >> jimmy: yes, you do. you have it. you're kicking butt already. yeah, right. no, please pal. i want to talk about this movie, "a night in old mexico." have you ever spent time in mexico? >> jimmy: i know, but you can go to cancun or something. >> no, no, no. the way you can go is interior. but all my friends that are sheriffs on the border say you don't go across. >> jimmy: really? >> you really don't. >> jimmy: you have friends on the border? >> oh yeah. sheriffs. >> jimmy: cool. you know those guys. you talk to them and you're really tight with those guys. do you have a ranch out there? you don't, no. [ laughter ] do you? no, i don't know. >> oh. i love texas. i like going down there. we have a farm in virginia. we live in virginia. my wife and i. >> jimmy: you do? >> virginia, yeah. [ laughter ] my wife -- >> jimmy: shut up. >> shut up.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: that we're going to have to bleep now. >> my wife's from argentina, but she calls virginia the last station before heaven. it's nice down there. >> jimmy: it's beautiful down there. now where are you from originally, because i consider you in my head -- i know you from "the godfather" of course, but i consider you a a cowboy. >> well i am kind of a cowboy. but i have to ride bombproof horses. i have to. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? [ light laughter ] >> if a bomb goes off, nothing happens. i'm bombproof. [ laughter ] come on man. you're quicker than i am. >> jimmy: sorry, i'm a little slow. i was up early doing "howard stern" this morning. you gotta give me a little rest. >> you weren't there. i was there. all we talked about is sex. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, that's all we talked about. >> jimmy: not me. not at all. please. but this movie here. i love that you do this type of stuff. you're a rancher in this film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "a night in old mexico." and you meet a grandson that
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you haven't met before. >> yeah, and we go down. i lose everything. i lose my ranch. i've lost my wife years ago. my son. and i found out i have a a grandson, and we head to mexico for one night at the border. it's a great movie. it's good. you guys will really like it. >> nice movie. >> jimmy: yeah. i have a clip here. >> it's a yarn. >> jimmy: huh? [ laughter ] >> you don't know what a yarn is? >> jimmy: i did, but i thought you said it was a yawn. and i was like, "well, that's not selling the movie well." [ light laughter ] say it's not a yawn, it's a a yarn. >> it's a yarn. yarn is a well-weaved tale. >> no, a yarn is a tale. a ficticious tale. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. exactly. >> jimmy: very good. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have a clip here of robert duvall. it's more of a yarn than a a movie, is what i say. [ light laughter ] >> a yarn. >> jimmy: that's what i say, a a yarn. >> where i come from -- used to have a yawn. >> jimmy: no, no, it's not a a yawn. here's robert duvall in "a night in old mexico." robert duvall. he's great. ♪ >> that one's yours. >> ain't no living in no damn tin can.
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>> you make some good friends here, mr. bovie. you'll see. i know this is all you can afford. >> i ain't going in there. not me. nope. uh-uh. no ma'am. >> oh, don't be timid. come on now, let's go. >> get your damn hands off my cadillac. [ tires screeching ] >> mr. bovie, you -- get back here. >> jimmy: see you later, lady. [ cheers and applause ] robert duvall. "a night in old mexico" is in theaters and available on demand this friday. robert duvall. [ cheers and applause ] oh, no, no please. i'm getting up for you. lily allen performs next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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there's no dip in that bowl. they're new pringles tortillas. so good, they don't need dip. mmmm... not bad, right? i'll have some more! that's a double dip! you... double dipped... new pringles tortillas. you dip 'em or don't. pringles! i don't care that you're a vampire. i love you. ahhhh! shhh. in a world that revolves around your kids, how about a little something for you? oscar mayer selects, made with 100% angus beef and no artificial preservatives. it's grown up food. it's oscar mayer. nobody ever stomped their foot and asked for less.
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my mom works at ge. sometimes for small audiences. sometimes for a full house. we perform solos, improvs, even miracles. with over 50% more awarded and highly rated appliances than anyone else, sears helps you perform your best by giving you the best. like kenmore, the most awarded brand in the industry. sears. performance starts here.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is back with her first album in more than five years. it's called "sheezus." performing the song "hard out here," please welcome lily allen! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i suppose i should tell you what this bitch is thinking
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you'll find me in the studio and not in the kitchen ♪ ♪ i won't be bragging bout my cars or talking bout my chains don't need to shake my ass for you ♪ ♪ cause i've got a brain if i told you bout my sex life you'd call me a slut ♪ ♪ when boys be talking about their bitches no one's making a fuss ♪ ♪ there's a glass ceiling to break uh-huh there's money to make ♪ ♪ and now it's time to speed it up cause i can't move at this pace ♪ ♪ sometimes it's hard to find the words to say i'll go ahead and say them anyway ♪ ♪ forget your balls and grow a pair of tits ♪ ♪ it's hard it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch it's hard for a bitch ♪ ♪ for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch ♪ ♪ it's hard for a bitch for a bitch it's hard
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it's hard out here ♪ ♪ if you're not a size six then you're not good looking ♪ ♪ well you better be rich or be real good at cooking you should probably lose some weight ♪ ♪ cause we can't see your bones you should probably fix your face ♪ ♪ or you'll end up on your own ♪ ♪ don't you want to have somebody who objectifies you ♪ ♪ have you thought about your butt who's gonna tear it in two ♪ ♪ we've never had it so good uh-huh we're out of the woods ♪ ♪ and if you can't detect the sarcasm you've misunderstood ♪ ♪ sometimes it's hard to find the words to say i'll go ahead and say them anyway ♪ ♪ forget your balls and grow a pair of tits ♪ ♪ it's hard it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch it's hard for a bitch ♪ ♪ for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch ♪ ♪ it's hard for a bitch for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here ♪
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♪ a bitch a bitch a bitch bitch bitch bitch a bitch a bitch ♪ ♪ a bitch bitch bitch a bitch a bitch a bitch bitch bitch ♪ ♪ a bitch a bitch a bitch bitch bitch ♪ ♪ inequality promises that it's here to stay always trust the injustice 'cause it's not going away ♪ ♪ inequality promises that it's here to stay always trust the injustice 'cause it's not going away ♪ ♪ sometimes it's hard to find the words to say i'll go ahead and say them anyway ♪ ♪ forget your balls and grow a pair of tits ♪ ♪ it's hard it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch it's hard for a bitch ♪ ♪ for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here for a bitch ♪ ♪ it's hard for a bitch for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here ♪
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♪ it's hard for a bitch for a bitch it's hard ♪ ♪ it's hard for a bitch it's hard for a bitch for a bitch it's hard it's hard out here bitch ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness. smart and awesome, i love it. lily allen! "sheezus" is in stores right now. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to maya rudolph, robert duvall, lily allen once again!
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[ cheers and applause ] fantastic. give it up for lance bass in the house as well. and i want to thank the roots over here. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- tina fey, matthew rhys,

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