♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to josh gad, andrew rannells, nate bargatze, ian lara! [ cheers and applause and of course, the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause thank you for watching stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. goodnight, everybody bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- amy sedaris. comedian colin quinn an all new "closer look. featuring the 8g band with greg clark jr.

♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news. after the white house announced last week that the construction will resume on the border wall, president biden told reporters, quote, i was told that i had no choice oh, man, i have a bad feeling we're going to find out this was all the work of one really good telemarketer [ laughter ] "they said if i build a border wall i get three months of spectrum internet. i had to do it.' according to a new analysis, over one third of supreme court decisions are decided unanimously. the other two thirds are decided by whoever took clarence thomas on his last vacation [ laughter ] the irs last week placed a lien on a florida property owned by rudy giuliani. i'm guessing the haunted mansion? [ laughter ] "it's all yours. those ghosts won't let me sleep. [ laughter ]

after leaving the white house, former president trump reportedly shared details about the capabilities of u.s. nuclear submarines with an australian billionaire, including how close they can sail to russian vessels without being detected said trump, "oh, come on i'm not an idiot i told putin first." [ laughter ] house republicans reportedly held a phones off, closed door meeting today to discuss the speakership. and when they turned their phones back on, matt gaetz had three more venmo requests. [ laughter ] new york governor kathy hochul ordered the state liquor authority to allow bars to serve alcohol as early as 8:00 a.m. yesterday for the buffalo bills game played in london. not only that, during the giants game, she temporarily legalized heroin [ laughter ] the genetic testing company 23 and me announced last week that hackers stole personal data from their data base authorities describe the suspect as 62% european and 38% east asian and native american.

[ laughter ] georgia is said to become the first state in the country to offer medical marijuana at pharmacies so, you'll finally have a use for that giant receipt [ laughter ] burger king has announced it will offer a new side that is half french fries, half onion rings. wow, the only way you could get that before was to order onion rings. [ laughter ] best joke of the day it's all a little bit -- still really good show, but it's all a little bit downhill after the onion rings. [ laughter ] and finally, google cloud today announced a new artificial intelligence powered search function for doctors because nothing inspires confidence in your doctor quite like hearing, "let's google it." [ laughter ] and that was the monologue, everybody. [ cheers and applause we're off and running.

it is a never easy to make a transition like this but i do want to address, i'm sure you all are aware of the atrocities that were committed against israel this weekend. they were monstrous and horrific acts of violence i will not pretend to have any answers as to how to respond to a crisis like this i will only say that in the moments when we are confronted with such evil, inhumane acts, we are most at risk of losing our own humanity when we are justifiably blind with rage and sadness, we can make choices that will have massive, irrevocable impacts on the lives of our fellow man. it requires the absolute best of us, to think clearly in times like this. and i hope with all my heart the best of us can emerge in this time of unthinkable loss thank you, everybody, for bearing with me to say that. [ applause ] i am happy to tell you we have a

fantastic show for you tonight she is an emmy-nominated comedian she is an author, shes an a-plus plus guest on our show, amy sedaris is back, everybody [ cheers and applause can it get better? it can the one, the only, colin quinn is also joining us [ cheers and applause they are two of our absolute favorites. also, a quick podcast plug during the writer's strike, my brother and i started a podcast called "family trips with the meyers brothers. we interviewed guests about the trips they took as kids with their families and the biggest take away so far is people my age almost never wore seat belts. [ laughter ] just a lot of large groups of children in the backseats of station wagons just like sliding around very little thought put to safety in general. it was a wild time in the '70s [ light laughter ] any way, do check out "family trips" wherever you get your podcasts and now moving on, donald trump

has endorsed one of the most pro-maga members of the republican party, ohio congressman jim jordan, to be the next speaker of the house. which could put one of the most prominent supporters of the coup attempt on january 6th in charge of the chamber for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: when last we left the house republican caucus, several of them were organizing an effort to draft donald trump himself to be the next speaker which is possible since technically the speaker does not have to be a member of congress. apparently doesn't even need to be a sentient human being. it could be one of those air dancers outside car dealerships. [ laughter ] republicans would probably love that because it has the same hand movements as donald trump [ laughter ] and apparently, trump is serious about at least considering a bid to become speaker. politico reported last week that trump is considering a visit to the capitol where he's open to pitching himself as a speaker candidate. should he even be allowed back in the capitol based on what happened the last time he was there? i mean, i'm on a year ban from vrbo because some guy said i rented his place after i rented his place, the q

went missing from the scrabble game but trump, trump foments an insurrection and is allowed to come and go as he pleases. also, the q was already missing, dude [ laughter ] but i guess trump is allowed back in fact, his best bud sean hannity claimed on air last week that sources were telling him trump was open to the idea of becoming speaker. now again, keep in mind as you watch this clip, hannity isn't just a pundit who interviews trump. he's appeared on stage with trump at rallies, and during trump's presidency, the two reportedly talked on a near nightly basis before bedtime according to the new york magazine, on the phone, hannity and trump alternate between the witch hunt and gabbing like old girlfriends about media and gossip and whose show sucks and who's getting killed in the ratings and who's winning and sports and kanye west, all of it sprinkled with a staccato [ bleep [ bleep [ bleep [ laughter ] so, trump and hannity aren't just media allies. they're best buds, which is context for this clip in which hannity claims sources were telling him, trump was open to becoming speaker

>> sources telling me at this hour some house republicans have been in contact with and have started an effort to draft former president donald trump to be the next speaker. and i have been told that president trump might be open to helping the republican party, at least in the short term, if necessary. >> seth: so, the source was trump. whenever you hear sean hannity float something like that on television, it's become something donald trump told him to say or the very least it's something trump wants to hear. at this point, i wouldn't be surprised if trump was writing the fox news chyrons live in realtime via voice to text "source big strong man tears streaming down face, misses trump. can i get -- please? what do you mean it's still recording? [ laughter ] and trump himself essentially confirmed the veracity of this report when he was asked about the possibility of becoming speaker last week at his fraud trial in the manhattan court >> a lot of people have been calling me about speaker all i can say is we'll do

whatever is best for the country and for the republican party >> would you take the job? would you take the job >> we have some great, great people >> would you take the job? >> a lot of people have asked me about it we're leading by 50 points for president. you know, my focus is totally on that if i can help them during the process, i would do it >> seth: trump will always say he's considering something when you first ask him about it the reporter could stand up at a press conference and say, "mr. president, sources are telling us you're considering jumping into the gorilla enclosure at the bronx zoo and challenging the largest ape to a wrestling match in order to subdue him, claim his territory, and become king of the primates." and trump would say," we're looking very strongly at it. i'm certainly -- [ laughter ] i'm certainly getting a lot of calls saying you're the only one who can defeat mongo." [ light laughter ] but as random and insane as this idea sounds, it apparently did not come out of nowhere. over the weekend, abc news reported that trump actually maneuvered behind the scenes to become speaker of the house back in january and apparently, the reason he did that was because he was angry he wasn't getting more votes during the initial rounds

of voting. >> sources tell abc news former president trump secretly plotted to be elected speaker of the house in january while he was publicly supporting now former speaker kevin mccarthy's bid >> publicly donald trump had endorsed kevin mccarthy for speaker. but what i've learned is that when trump saw matt gaetz step up on the seventh ballot back in january and vote for donald trump for speaker and then he saw all the cable networks, you know, relay the vote count and it was only a single vote for trump. you know, 212 votes for hakeem jeffries, 200 for kevin mccarthy, some others had a handful of votes and then only 1 for donald trump, trump became angry and he actually reached out, contacted gaetz, made his views known within a small circle of republicans that the only reason he only got one vote is that nobody bothered to nominate him. and so, people didn't know they could vote for him and at that point he made it

clear that he wanted matt gaetz to nominate him for speaker of the house. >> seth: okay. so just to recap, trump who is publicly supporting now former speaker kevin mccarthy but he was also mad in the seventh round of voting. he only got one vote for speaker. i'm sure when he saw this, his text to hannity looked like this [ laughter ] so, trump then asked congressman matt gaetz to officially nominate him for speaker assuming this meant the votes would start pouring in for him and gaetz did that he stood up, made a big speech and nominated donald trump to be speaker of the house so, what happened after gaetz nominated him? did trump get 100 votes for speaker, 200 votes how close did he come? >> when that speech was over, they called for the roll and once again did another round of voting and once again, donald trump got a single vote for speaker of the house. [ laughter ] >> seth: did he call gaetz again? "i think this time, when you nominate say, 'i'm being serious, you guys. [ laughter ] this isn't some dumb joke. it was so bad that night on "hannity," the chyron said,

"actually, one vote is a very good number. some are saying the best number. can you bring me more ketchup for my steak still recording again? [ laughter ] so, trump's last attempt to get votes for speaker went badly, which must be why he's now abandoned this latest bid for the job. instead, he endorsed far-right extremist jim jordan, perhaps the most pro-maga member of the house gop caucus and one of the key players in the attempt to overturn the election on january 6th. you might remember jordan as the guy who would routinely show up to hearings in the house that were supposed to be investigating the trump administration, but would instead talk really fast and say totally incoherent bull [ bleep ] like this. >> james comey, director, fired. andy mccabe, deputy director, fired. lied three times under oath, under investigation, right as we speak. jim baker, fbi counsel, demoted and then left. currently under investigation by the u.s. attorneys office in connecticut. lisa page, demoted then left ambassador taylor recalls that mr. morrison told ambassador taylor that i told mr. morrison that i conveyed this message to mr. yermak on september 1st, 2019 in connection with vice president pence's visti to warsaw -

>> seth: he sounds like an auctioneer with a head injury. [ laughter ] just repeating all the unhinged buzzwords you hear on fox news without any of the content it's like at thanksgiving dinner, everyone in your family had a time limit to speak. "uncle jerry, what are you thankful for?" "well, i guess i'm thankful for my health and continued efforts to stop trans woke benghazi white water china laptop hunter emails tan suit. [ laughter ] and it makes sense that jordan would spew random fox news talking points, because he is far and away the most popular republican congressman on fox news since august 2017, fox's weekday programs have interviewed jordan more times than any other sitting member of congress the ohio republican appeared at least 565 times on fox's programming over that period 565 times? i don't even think i've appeared on this show - [ laughter ] -- 565 times since 2017. in fairness, we did have that stretch where i was replaced by a guest host who was that again oh, damn it. [ laughter ] he's everywhere. on the bright side, it only took him about 90 seconds to get through "a closer look." [ laughter ]

and when he does go on fox news, it won't surprise you to learn he doesn't make all that much sense. like, when he said this over the weekend about his bid to become speaker. >> the american people right now, maria, i think they are so thirsty for leadership and i don't think they're seeing it from the white house. i don't think they're getting from the senate. they're hungry for leadership. >> seth: oh, they're thirsty and hungry maria, the american people are thirsty for leadership they're hungry for leadership. and dare i say it horny for leadership don't take it from me. [ laughter ] take it from the audience at the "beetlejuice" musical. [ laughter ] but by far the most dangerous thing about jordan, is that he is arguably the most prominent supporter in congress of donald trump's attempt to overturn the 2020 election he was intimately involved in the planning of trump's coup attempt and has flat out refused requests to provide more information about his involvment >> jim jordan scored former president trump's endorsement early this morning which should no come as no surprise here is jordan in harrisburg, pennsylvania, attending a stop the steal rally two days after election day in the weeks and months after that, jordan went on various

right-wing media outlets where he attempted to sew distrust in the 2020 election and made baseless claims of election fraud. jordan's name appears throughout the bipartisan report from the house select committee investigating january 6th. the report says that jordan attended numerous post-election meetings with senior white house officials and rudy giuliani, discussing how to challenge the election results >> seth: i don't know what's more shocking that people still have meetings with rudy giuliani or that rudy giuliani made it to the meeting. [ laughter ] when he was told to meet with jim jordan, rudy probably thought he was meeting in a gymnasium with michael jordan. [ laughter ] "hey, mike, you've always been my favorite baseball player. go white sox." [ laughter ] a lot of time was spent today on what would rudy say to michael jordan in a gym. [ laughter ] trump endorsing jordan is a perfect encapsulation of where the gop is at right now. a vote for jordan as speaker is essentially a vote for trump in

his efforts to overturn american democracy. even if jim jordan is nominally in charge of the house, he's just going to be following trump's orders trump is still the leader of the republican party and jordan is fully devoted to him so, i guess you could say jordan is the one who's - >> thirsty for leadership. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: we'll be right back with amy sedaris, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's "closer looks" be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. waiting for a family. waiting to be loved. older and special-needs shelter dogs wait the longest to find loving people. that's why subaru created national make a dog's day: to help these special underdogs never feel left behind again. subaru. more than a car company. who says you can't go for bold

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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: give it up for the fantastic 8g band, everybody sitting in on drums this week, he's a los angeles-based musician who worked with ciara, j. lo and snarky puppy just to name a few check him out on tour all over europe next month with jazz bassist king aglick, whose latest album "real life" is available now, greg clark jr., is here everybody. [ cheers and applause thanks for being with us, greg our first guest tonight is an

emmy nominated performer and best selling author, please welcome back to the show, our friend, amy sedaris. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome back! >> wow [ cheers and applause hi, seth >> seth: you look fantastic as always >> that's nice >> seth: what a wonderful choice you made your sartorial style unrivalled. >> well, i was a little limited on what i could wear because john early is staying -- >> seth: the fantastic john early the wonderful comedian >> yes well, i own the apartment above me and he's staying there, overstaying his visit for like two weeks. [ laughter ] but all my getting ready dresses are up there >> seth: okay. >> because i didn't want to go up there when someone is staying up there because then i see unmade bed >> seth: yeah. >> underpants. >> seth: oh, so you're not going out of respect for them, you don't want to spin yourself out. >> i don't want to spin myself

out and see an extra pair of shoes that don't belong to him so any way, this is what i had but i love this dress. >> seth: so this isn't even in your first choice line of dresses. >> no. i've had this for five years and never washed it. chew chew chew [ laughter ] >> seth: how dare you. >> he'll text me messages and say i crawled down the fire escape and watched you sleep last night [ laughter ] >> seth: that's what your upstairs - >> yes that's what john early told me and he's like, "when i told the doorman i was leaving, they burst into tears." [ laughter ] then i'll run into him on the street and it's 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon. and he's like, "i just woke up." and i'm like, "john, what is going on?" he's pan frying croissants up there. >> seth: oh, my god. >> but he's a good guest >> seth: i don't know. it doesn't sound like he's a good guest [ light laughter ] >> seth: he is he is. he is. >> seth: now, i like doing a check in every time you're here. >> okay. >> seth: about your deer rabbit. >> tina bunny. >> seth: tina bunny. >> yes >> seth: now, tina bunny is a male rabbit. >> uh-huh. >> seth: but you have had -- the first time you were on the show nine years ago, we discussed tina >> i brought tina home that night, and then, i was freaking out that i made a mistake.

this is my third rabbit. they told me it was a girl, and then four years later, they told me it was a boy. >> seth: okay. >> yeah. >> seth: so you consider yourself somewhat of an expert on rabbits >> i am an expert. i have a badge i go to people's houses. i educate them >> seth: but it took you four years to know that tina was a boy. >> it's tough. but yeah, they were trying to insert a catheter and they said, "amy, this is a boy bunny. [ laughter ] >> seth: i will say, you cannot tell from the photo. >> look at him he has chewed a few things >> seth: he has chewed a few things but that is his right as a rabbit >> yes >> seth: getting up there in age. how long does a rabbit go? >> well, my last rabbit lived to be 12, which is old for a bunny. tina is 10 but all of a sudden out of nowhere, he started wetting my bed. peeing in my bed for i don't know why i think it's behavioral, because -- >> seth: you don't think it's age? >> no, because i have experience with senior bunnies. and i think his kidneys are fine but -- so i ordered-- i went to a surgical supply store and i ordered a bunch of those reusable medical bed pads. >> seth: yeah. yeah, okay >> but they arrived at my apartment building unwrapped in just like saran that said

amy sedaris apartment 4c so everyone in my building thinks i'm wetting my bed easily [ laughter ] because i'll be doing the laundry room folding them. but any way, he stopped peeing in my bed. now he just goes -- he just leaves little droppings. they look like pepper corns. it's no big deal [ laughter ] so i safety pin -- if you give them a pad that's 48 by 48, that will cover a queen size bed. they're hard to find and so, i safety pinned it on top of my, you know, bedspread so in case it happens. it happens between 2:30 and 3:00 in the morning. >> seth: wow >> yeah. >> seth: he's just really dialed into that one certain window >> yeah. i don't know why i mean, i went through -- during the strike, you know, i went through a george michael hole, i'm post hole now. >> seth: okay. george michael the singer? >> yeah. the wham documentary that i got obsessed with that, then i got obsessed with him maybe i was so obsessed with it that i was pulling focus from my attention with tina. maybe. >> seth: okay. >> and he was just getting even. >> seth: i see >> my acupuncturist.

>> seth: you're saying that maybe tina was wetting the bed on purpose because you were too into george michael. >> maybe, maybe. [ laughter ] and then my acupuncturist said, "well, did you ask tina? did you talk to tina?" and i'm like "yes. and he's like, "what did tina say? and i was like, "nothing." and i haven't been back to that acupuncturist since. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, it doesn't seem like an acupuncturist place to say. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. >> seth: did you buy or are you renting the apartment next door to yours >> okay. so then another apartment opened up in my building right next door and i thought, well, this would be a good investment >> seth: sure. >> so i just use it as a storage unit so i keep my hay in there, luggage, and petticoats. >> seth: okay. >> but i do have wi-fi >> seth: well, that's great, yeah >> fudge pot, fudge pot is the name of my wi-fi >> seth: you're giving away your wi-fi. you're not giving out the password, just the name of it. fudge pot and then do your best. >> right >> seth: small amount of hay i guess it's good for you to say there's wi-fi because i think if you walked into an apartment

full of hay, you might think it's an amish person [ laughter ] and there might not be wi-fi or a need for wi-fi >> it reeks of goats, trust me but i can't imagine -- i mean, to combine my apartment -- it's crazy to have three apartments in one building and not attached >> seth: yeah. >> but the idea of having to put a hole in my wall. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, since my husband died i don't have anybody who can take care of that stuff for me [ laughter ] i don't want to think about knobs and wallpaper. >> seth: who wants to think about knobs and wallpaper. but you're living your best life knobs and wallpaper is just going to slow you down >> it's crazy. >> seth: now, when your neighbors see giant boxes of hay getting delivered, do you think they look at that the same way they look at the pee pads? [ laughter ] >> that i'm a stoner they probably think it's just weed coming out of my house. [ laughter ] big boxes of weed. >> seth: giant see-through plastic bags of hay. >> you said you had goats before >> seth: i never had a goat. my father-in-law had a goat. >> same thing. >> seth: yeah, no. >> really?

>> seth: yeah, it was part of my dowry that i inherited he was like, "will you take my daughter's hand? i'm like, "not without a goat! >> i always wanted a goat. >> seth: yeah, i don't think you do >> i know. trust -- >> seth: you know, he misses his goat a great deal and talks about it lovingly. i did not find the goat had a lot of charisma. >> what was the goat's name? >> seth: raisin. [ laughter ] >> that's cute >> not bad >> seth: based on what they leave everywhere >> yeah. >> seth: not a bad peppercorn would be a good name. >> peppercorn or capers. it's no big deal >> seth: capers would be a really funny name for a goat [ light laughter ] >> oh, yeah. capers, doorbell >> seth: capers would be a great name for a kid's book about a goat who pulled crimes >> oh, yes oh, yes! >> seth: capers the goat >> yes >> seth: and he would be a goat burglar. a cat burglar but you would, like, definitely hear them >> i would buy that book >> seth: all right, great. let's work on it together. i have a bunch more questions for you. we'll be right back with more with amy sedaris [ cheers and applause ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back to "late night. we're here with amy sedaris. it's fall in new york city it's a very special, wonderful time you are someone who loves to celebrate holidays all the holidays >> yes, and halloween is approaching us >> seth: and how do you go about celebrating halloween? >> well, i've got kids out in

maplewood. and every year, i dress up like a witch. i sit in a rocking chair and i do my witch cackle which i'll do for you right now. it's loud. >> seth: that's the one -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> thank you >> seth: you know, you know how loud it is you told me it would be loud and it still surprised me. >> it's loud you can hear me through the neighborhoods. >> seth: you just sit there over the course of the day while people come by for candy >> yes sometimes they're not even home. got kids and any way, last year i had an incident there's something about six and 7-year-old girls they just push my buttons >> seth: okay. >> there's something about them. they would come up to me and be like, "you're not a real witch you're just someone acting like a witch. >> seth: yeah. >> or like "i want to sit in the rocking chair. or, you know -- "and the guys would be like, nice hat. i like your shoes. that's a great laugh." and so, you know -- i went up to the boys and i said, "what is it with these girls?" and they were like, "yeah, i know." so i was driving a big wedge between them, right? [ laughter ] >> seth: that's exactly what a witch would do >> yes

i was brewing up some trouble. >> seth: it's a very modern witch to -- instead of spells, just use gossip and small talk [ light laughter ] >> the guys were cute. so then the next day, i saw them at a party and i saw the girls, but they didn't recognize me because i was dressed up as myself so it was just interesting to see them they're like little karens >> seth: yeah. >> that age group. they really are. i just -- i don't know what it is i just can't click with that age group. >> seth: so, my boys are like five and seven and sometimes we'll go to barbecues and my wife will be like, "look at all the kids." and if it's more girls than boys, she'll be like, "go play with them. i'm like, "you don't have to do that." [ light laughter ] i feel like there's a lot of negative energy over there >> there is. >> steve: let's wait until they age out of that a year or two from now go rub elbows >> but i'll do it again this year it will be fun >> seth: what was your -- what was halloween like growing up for you? >> i always dress as a hobo. >> seth: okay. >> i dress like a hobo >> seth: yeah. >> in the south sometimes, lonely women would invite you into their home and they would make you sit down and have pumpkin pie with them.

>> seth: uh-huh. >> you're just like, "lady -- i got -- there's candy i got to get out there." [ light laughter ] and then they just sit you down and have long, drawn out conversations with pumpkin pie [ laughter ] really the difference between a pumpkin pie and a yam pie, really? fascinating. >> seth: they don't realize like this is -- you're basically building an investment portfolio during halloween you don't want any candy you have to consume on the spot. >> no, right >> seth: you're trying to build a portfolio >> exactly for trading >> seth: pumpkin pie is almost worth two hershey bars - >> exactly >> seth: not in my world >> it's the timing it's the moment. i'm not looking for a moment other than ding dong candy go. right? but i like it. but with god kids, otherwise i wouldn't dress up, yeah. >> seth: it's very nice of you to do that for them. >> i'll say. [ laughter ] i mean it is yesterday, we shot a halloween movie and like an idiot, rather than, you know -- any way. i threw myself down some stairs. >> seth: okay.

for your god kids? >> yeah. just to get a laugh. but i have a cane, which you know i got a cane for christmas. >> seth: so who gave you a cane for christmas? >> my brother's boyfriend hugh gave me a cane from cane galore. and they keep sending me new tips i'm not wearing down tips on a cane now all i see are canes. >> seth: now, did you need a cane you didn't need a cane >> no. but i love a cane. and i have a lot of prop -- my dream is to have my own prop house. >> seth: right >> and when people come over to my apartment, we play. so justin theroux came over and i said, "okay pretend you're jeremy irons and you're coming in my apartment and you spot the cane from across the room and it's just the cane you need for your, you know, character. so i'll pick it up and put the weight in his hand and bounce it around and i'll do a monologue it's so much fun >> seth: that is great >> canes are a blast but yesterday, i needed one because i threw myself down the stairs, so it wasn't so funny. [ light laughter ] but i don't like the adjustable ones you get in pharmacies with the claw >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> i like the good old fashion wooden one but to measure, you need to stand up straight and measure from the wrist down and chop off

the bottom which is a fun thing to ask somebody. you know, what is this you have to guess that it's the bottom of a cane and then you put the tip back on. [ light laughter ] >> seth: wait. when you go to the cane shop, they basically -- they come out and test you for the cane? >> yeah, from your wrist down. >> seth: and then if it's a little too long, do they go like, "we'll take it in the back and cut the end off. >> or they'll cut it in front of you. >> seth: oh wow. they'll show the trade secret. >> yeah. >> seth: it's just a saw it's a lovely cane and what a thoughtful gift and if anybody out there is, you know -- when mother's day rolls around, think about a cane >> it's a great gift you always need one. >> seth: you always need one >> yeah, you always need a cane. >> seth: especially for play acting with guests >> yeah. >> seth: what a delight to have you here >> thanks for having me. >> seth: it's always a best time you guys, that is amy sedaris. [ cheers and applause she's one of a kind! we'll be right back with colin quinn! [ cheers and applause ♪ meet the portable blender we can barely keep in stock. blendjet 2 gives you ice-crushing, big blender

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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian, actor and author you can see him on the road touring around the country for ticket information go to colinquinn.com please welcome back to the show, our very good friend, colin quinn, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome back. you are one of our modern historians >> whoa.

>> seth: of this great city. >> yes >> seth: you know a lot about new york city and you have a great new -- >> you're coming in hot by the way. >> seth: i'm coming in hot [ light laughter ] i want - >> you've been on already. you've been on already i just got out here. and by the way, before we start, not to break the momentum, i don't like this. >> seth: okay. >> the old age of a nice cup >> seth: yeah. >> look at this. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. >> jesus [ laughter ] >> seth: you really -- >> because it makes me look cheap now that i'm drinking it the crowd doesn't know they'll be like, "look at that chiseler people on tv." it's all about perception, you know what i mean, folks? [ laughter ] i like the work -- crowd working comedy is big now so i try to work the crowd on tv [ laughter and applause >> seth: great that should be your new catch phrase as a comedian, isn't like an actual catch phrase, but after your punch lines you take a sip from a tiny thing of water. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: i gave them the exact right amount of time to laugh, yeah >> yeah. it might look creepy but you're right. >> seth: just tiny sips. >> yeah, just --

>> seth: and the whole thing is he makes it -- you know, he makes it last the whole hour [ laughter ] tiny little sips you have -- i was setting you up >> yes, i know >> seth: i know. you have this new show called -- >> you were like, "hey." >> seth: "hey. you don't want to talk about "block by block," no problem you have a youtube show called "block by block" where you're going to different neighborhoods in new york city >> yeah. >> seth: and you're talking about the history, what makes them unique. >> yes >> seth: you've done yorkville, you've done hell's kitchen >> yeah. >> seth: when you were growing up in new york, did different neighborhoods have different reputations that were interesting to you >> oh, sure. but you can't discuss those now. they were all based on ethnicity. >> seth: okay. gotcha yeah [ laughter ] so now you just are like "oh, whoa, i know that one. that's northeast of here." [ laughter ] >> you're like oh that -- yeah you have to get very vague but yeah but these guys -- you know, it's people from back in the day, so my friend steve kelly in yorkville, and he goes over the history, but also the brawl -- the giant fights they'd have at these second avenue bars he left his comic strip post to go across the street, got in a big brawl. the cops are everywhere, he goes back to the comic strip where

ironically he's in charge of security, and then my friend mike spillane was telling the story about him and his brother and his cousin and couple other guys and they get in a fight in a bar, couple of guys. but they didn't realize one of the friends they were fighting was andre the giant. [ light laughter ] so he picks him up and just flings him [ light laughter ] >> seth: i feel like you should get a visual on andre the giant before the fight starts? >> yeah. no, actually, he did see him in the bathroom and he was like, "wow. but he didn't know he was with the guy -- to fight. >> seth: oh, that's a bummer i think just out of safety if andre the giant was there, i wouldn't start any fights. you never know who's his plus one. [ laughter ] >> no, yeah. yes. andre the giant with a plus one. i like that. >> seth: did you -- like what were sort of like -- what about flushing what was the reputation about flushing >> flushing back then it was kind of irish, italian, jewish like a lot of neighborhoods. now it's all asian and then it became korean. and then it became chinese so even the koreans now have left flushing. they moved to bayside. >> seth: so it's just like -- it rotates through. you just have like one after the other --

>> sure. >> seth: -- a different identity comes through. >> yeah. >> seth: that's fascinating. >> i agree i love it. >> seth: you talked about small talk and how it's a lost art but i was wondering, small talk in different countries -- you travel a lot do you find like different -- certain cultures are better at small talk >> well, i mean irish -- it depends on who you like for small talk if you like being -- having your balls busted, the irish people - >> seth: yeah. >> you know, they like that banter - >> seth: yeah. >> -- is what i mean you know what i mean so i was in ireland like -- we went last summer to ireland. so i go to the -- there's a girl behind this like podium at the hotel restaurant so i'm the guy that likes to, you know, like -- i like to play around with the pe -- like i'm the guy in my building, if somebody's mopping, every time i walk in the lobby, i pretend to slip like, "hey!" [ light laughter ] and pretend. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> it's not the mark twain humor prize, but, you know, that's - [ laughter ] that's my thing. i like to be like, "ahh! have a couple of laughs and move on nobody gets hurt we'll have a nice laugh. and i'm getting mad thinking about people judging

[ laughter ] and -- i go, "ooh! yeah, it's funny you know, i'm not the pratfall guy, but --e >> seth: everybody thinks it's funny that you do it >> yeah. >> seth: i'm sure the guy mopping must love it >> he loves it >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> every time. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> and sometime -- like if it's the same guy, then i'll wait the extra second because, you know, surprise is the element in comedy [ laughter ] and he's like, "oh, he's not going to do it." and i pass him then i do it. [ laughter ] anyway - >> seth: ireland >> oh, so i go to ireland, so this girl behind the counter at the podium at this restaurant in the hotel and she's quiet like 19, but irish people they all have the same ball buster sense of humor so i go, "i want the best table in here. she -- you know -- she goes -- she goes -- "you deserve no less." [ laughter ] and i go, "my wife is joining me." she goes, "she's a lucky woman." [ laughter ] love it. >> seth: you -- you traveled to greece -- you were in greece this summer? >> i was in greece this summer >> seth: what do you -- what's

your takeaway? >> epiphany! i don't think that -- maybe that's a greek word? [ light laughter ] >> seth: i think it is >> epiphany! well, because they go, "do you want to see the birthplace of democracy where it all began?" and i go, "yeah! it's rubble. it's ruins [ laughter ] so that's what i had - gre -- democracy worked for like 150 years and then it was monarchy, a great system for thousands of years and then we decided to unearth this failed rubble system. [ laughter ] you know we had the perfect setup in 1775, a remote king that's the best form of government >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> they didn't know what we were doing, we did whatever we wanted over here. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, but he couldn't -- would take him 40 days to get over here. but we could use his name. [ laughter ] we could use his name if spain or portugal stepped to us. we're like, "king george might not like that. [ light laughter ] we gave it all away -- stamps and tea. [ light laughter ] when's the last time anyone used -- it's email and coffee over here, you know? [ laughter ] >> seth: do you feel like humor's changed from when you were growing up? like the tenor of humor.

>> well, when we were little -- i mean i remember as a little kid -- that's why, when people say, "you gotta make every laugh. you don't have to make young kids laugh i don't want to make young kids laugh. i don't have the same sense of humor. 'cause i know how dumb -- what i thought was funny when i was young, i remember some kid was like, "hey, that guy's a real master!" and then he goes, "bater." and i was like -- at the time, i go, "that's pretty -- that's pretty good. >> seth: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> put -- that we put them together like that i'll give you a test, seth spell "icup. >> seth: i-c-u-p oh, yeah, yeah, yeah [ laughter ] ♪ yeah, yeah >> that's the kind of stuff that was -- >> seth: and you're saying that - >> -- back in those days >> seth: you're not judging them for enjoying that, but you don't want to -- you don't want to - >> no, i don't want to - >> seth: -- cater to that audience >> no, exactly >> seth: and do you feel like comedy has become more negative than when you were a kid >> well not just comedy, everything is more negative. i was watching -- look at taylor swift she goes out - [ cheers ] right? she goes to the game -- like in the old days, you're like, "oh, look an athlete and a singer

going out. this is great. everybody's like, "uhh." you don't -- we don't even know why everybody's upset, but they're like, "i don't like it." we're all waiting for the whole thing to crash and burn. >> seth: yeah. >> every game. you're like, "look at her in the stands, with the mother. [ light laughter ] it's the most -- it's the most wholesome thing i've ever seen in my life [ laughter ] >> seth: i know. i'm also shocked that sports fans are upset that there's not more focus on football there's so little football in a football game. [ light laughter ] and it's just those two guys in a booth. they're trying to make small talk they're trying to make - >> yes >> seth: -- they got nothing to say. >> that's right. >> seth: i think it's such a great relief just to cut to people who seem happy. >> they must love it [ laughter ] they must love it, yeah. >> seth: as a jets fan, were you -- how you feel about the season so far? >> well, we're excited because first of all - [ laughter ] people don't understand, i've been a jets fan since i was a little kid the jets -- i was there when they -- not there, but i was watching or listening, i forget how it was in those days, but when the jets, when joe namath was there and i remember thinking, even as a ten-year-old kid, like, "this makes sense it's new york. it's a big market. it'll probably be like this forever.

>> seth: right [ light laughter ] >> little did i know but when aaron rodgers got the achilles, the first set of downs, any real jets fan was not like, "ah, i can't believe it! of course, what else would you expect to happen >> seth: right [ light laughter ] so you weren't that surprised? >> no, i wasn't at all i mean it made perfect sense >> seth: we're fellow writers. writers' strike's over that's a good thing. you -- you have a negotiating tactic, 'cause i know a lot of people had their notes about like, "if i was on the negotiating committee, i would say 'this' or 'that.'" but you -- you take care of your own contract >> two months before it -- the writers' strike, i happened to be telling my wife who, you know, deals with that kind of stuff. i go, all my career, a little fun secret fact i thought about me i go, "all my whole career, whenever they hand me the contract" -- this started in the 80s and it says, "in perpetuity, in all forms existing and in the future." back in the 80s, this was one of the big contract points, but i always cross it off in every contract anyone ever handed me if i was on the show anyway, i cross it off with my pen. so i told her that

and she literally spent a minute laughing in my face. [ laughter ] >> seth: so "in perpetuity" you were just never comfortable with people owning it forever >> yeah and, "in all forms existing and in the future," you know what i mean >> seth: yeah. so what would you -- what would you negotiate instead, 100 years? [ laughter ] >> well, just -- i don't like these -- well, who knew? this is before any -- this is before streaming, anything like that >> seth: yeah. >> you know, ai. i was ahead of the game is what i'm trying to say. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> she - >> seth: and she laughs at you you're ahead of the game >> she laughed at me >> seth: a futurist like yourself, yeah [ laughter ] >> exactly, exactly. >> seth: final thing, you know, obviously you -- you interact with showbiz people. there's a lot of showbiz small talk >> yes >> seth: sometimes people will say, "we should get together sometime." >> yeah. >> seth: are the kind of person who likes to make plans like that >> well, i don't, i hate it, but i always say, "yes, absolutely." >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] so that would be your advice >> never show up and then some people actually have the nerve to call you on -- like, "hey i thought we were getting together for lunch." i was like, "um, what are you talking about?

[ laughter ] did you seriously believe we were going to get together for lunch? [ laughter ] so weird to me, you know >> seth: so -- right so -- it -- it's just like words, like if someone's like, "we should get together" and you're like, "yeah, absolutely." that's just like a pleasant way of ending a conversation >> well if i say it, then i'm insulted if they don't want to do it. [ laughter ] >> seth: sure, sure, sure. that's a whole -- that's a totally different -- >> that's a different dynamic. >> seth: hey, thanks so much for being here >> thank you >> seth: it's always a pleasure talking to you colin quinn. [ cheers and applause for ticket information, go to colinquinn.com we'll be right back with more "late night. [ cheers and applause ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: i want to thank my guests amy sedaris and colin quinn. i want to thank greg clark jr. and the 8g band. thanks for watching, we love you. [ cheers and applause