♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: yeah! >> i jay: si! nice job, gentlemen. trabajo bueno, señores. thank you, guys. gracias. thank you, gentlemen. gracias, señores. thank you. gracias. thank you, guys. gracias. thank you. gracias. thank you, gentlemen. gracias, señores. nice work. trabajo agradable. i want to thank my guests -- quiero agradecer a mis invitados russell crowe, eli roth, russell crowe , eli roth ,

robert randolph and the slide robert randolph y los hermanos brothers. de diapositiva. tomorrow night, colin farrell imañana por la noche, colin will be here! farrell estara aqui! but "jimmy fallon" is happening ipero " jimmy fallon " pasa right now! ahora! jimmy! i jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the gendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: oh! that's a welcome. thank you so much. welcome, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] that's so nice. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] oh, very good. [ cheers and applause ] hot show tonight, gonna be fun. welcome, we're gonna have fun. we're gonna have fun tonight. everyone -- everyone is still talking about the oscars. that's all everyone is talking about. and get this, you guys. last night's show lasted about three hours and 40 minutes. [ scattered cheers ] even jennifer lawrence's dress was like "that's way too long." [ laughter ] did you see this? the entire cast of "les miserables" performed a song from the movie. [ laughter ] the entire cast of -- [ unintelligble french accent ] [ laughter ] they performed a song from the movie. featuring russell crowe. or as the cast of "zero dark

thirty" put it, now this is torture. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] too much. i said, i think this is too much. [ applause ] i was watching the oscars last night, and i was having fun. they were showing -- of course i didn't get invited. [ laughter ] and they were showing a lot of cutaways of different celebrities. and i realized that if you take a -- if you pause it and just take a freeze frame of someone's face at the right time, you can make it look like they're high. [ light laughter ] it works with anyone. let me show you what i'm talking about. there's daniel day-lewis right there. [ laughter ] then we have tommy lee jones. yeah, there you go. [ laughter ] you have hugh jackman. hey, buddy. [ laughter ] look at ben affleck. we have christoph waltz. and even george clooney. hey, dude! [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] this is interesting, though.

last night, for the first time in almost 20 years, there was a tie in one of the categories. it was for best sound editing, and the oscar went to both "zero dark thirty" and "skyfall." and i don't know if you saw this, but take a look at the two guys who won. [ laughter ] does that make any sense to you at all? i mean, look at these guys. very similar looking gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys. who are you? >> well, we're the guys who won the oscars for best sound editing last night. >> yeah. we don't remember our names. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: are you guys upset that you tied? >> no. because we both had a lot of good sounds in our movies. >> yeah. our movies had sound so good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how good were the sounds? >> we'll show you how good were

the sounds. hit the music, fred! ♪ ♪ we're the sound editors and we come correct we might not look like you'd expect ♪ ♪ but please show us your full respect 'cause we're coming out now with full sound effects ♪ ♪ well i edited the sound for "skyfall" here are some sound effects so check 'em out, y'all ♪ [ gunshot ] [ whistle ] [ horn ] [ record scratching ] [ duck sound effect ] ♪ well maybe you heard it from a little birdie that i did the sound effects for zero dark thirty ♪ ♪ check 'em out [ horse whinnying ] [ boing ] [ clown horn ] >> yeah, baby! ♪ so stand up people get out of your chairs and wave your arms like you just don't care ♪ ♪ when you see us you'll stop and stare because we got long stringy flaccid hair ♪ [ boing ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: give it up for the sound editing guys who tied at the oscars! [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. congratulations. all right. all right.

take care, guys. take care, guys. congratulations. [ light laughter ] all right. all right. all right. thank you, very -- [ cheers and applause ] that's unbelievable. hey, guys, here's some celebrity news. mel b from the spice girls is replacing sharon osbourne as a judge on "america's got talent." or as the pope put it, "there goes my plan 'a.'" [ laughter ] check this out, last week, taylor swift attended the same awards ceremony as her ex-boyfriend, harry styles. which raises the question, where isn't she going to run into one of her exes? "wow, my first trip to outer space. oh, hi, e.t." [ laughter ] and finally, the company that owns olive garden announced that its revenue has dropped 5% in the last quarter. which explains their new promotion, limited bread sticks.

[ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: les miserables, les miserables. we have a big show tonight. awesome, fun people on the show tonight. from "the good wife," the very talented alan cumming is back on the show! [ cheers and applause ] plus, he's the greatest olympian of all time. and now he has a new show on the golf channel of all things. yeah, he's gonna talk about that. michael phelps is here, y'all. >> steve: oh, dog paddle? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. i mean, people -- all the writers passed out in the hallway. [ males cheer ] this is our dorky writers out there just like -- [ laughter ] she is just gorgeous and so nice. she is on the cover of this year's "sports illustrated" swimsuit issue.

kate upton is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: dog paddle. breast stroke! dog paddle. breast stroke. dog paddle. dog paddle. dog paddle. >> jimmy: and we have music from unknown mortal orchestra! oh! u-m-o. >> steve: u-m-o! >> jimmy: it's gonna be a fun show. it's gonna be super, super good times. hey guys, raise your hand if you're either a man or a woman. [ cheers ] me too. thank you, me too. [ light laughter ] couple of you had to think out there. one thing i've really noticed lately is that men and women are totally different. they almost never see eye to eye. in fact, sometimes they can be in the exact same situation and be thinking two totally different things. what kinds of things are men and women thinking? let's find out together in a segment we call "he said, she said." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: now -- you guys might not realize this,

but i have a real knack for telling what's on peoples minds. i don't like to brag about it, but i'm kind of psychic that way. like for example, take a look at this. here we see a man and woman taking a stroll along the water. she's pointing off into the distance. and i can tell just by looking at this man that he's thinking, "i wonder why all those people are laughing." [ light laughter ] the woman's thinking something very different. she's thinking, "because i'm way out of your league." [ laughter ] we got two people, two very different viewpoints. here's another example. an older couple standing at the front of a ship sharing an embrace. i can tell she's thinking, "let's recreate that scene from 'titanic.'" and he's thinking, "great, i'll go get my sketchbook." [ laughter ] i think he's thinking of a different scene. >> steve: a different scene. >> jimmy: different scene. yeah. >> steve: he was thinking the other one. >> jimmy: different scene in the movie, yeah. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: let's keep going here. aw, this looks romantic. it's a guy and girl on a date eating lunch in a field of flowers. he's thinking, "when i look into your eyes, i see perfection." and she's thinking, "when i look into your eyes, i see teeth."

[ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] >> steve: that's what she's thinking. >> jimmy: yeah. here's another one here. young couple enjoying a date night at home. he's thinking, "i can't believe she ordered two pizzas." and she's thinking, "i can't believe he ordered ten of those shirts from ann taylor loft." [ laughter and applause ] nothing wrong with a guy with a scoop neck, man. >> steve: no. yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're gonna want that scoop neck, man. >> steve: yeah. you gotta love that scoop neck. >> jimmy: yeah, you put necklaces on or something like that. >> steve: stylish. >> jimmy: maybe a little ascot or something. >> steve: yeah, ascots. a beret maybe? a fedora on the last guy. >> jimmy: beret perhaps, yeah. >> steve: from the tooth guy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: look at this one. this is a lady handing over car keys to a guy at the dealership. he's thinking, "ladies love a man with a cool set of wheels." and she's thinking, "here's the keys to your '86 toyota tercel." [ laughter ] classic set of wheels. if it gets you from point "a" to point "b," what's the problem? you know what i'm saying? [ applause ]

>> steve: yeah, different thoughts. >> jimmy: yeah, thank you. look at this. see a couple spending some time. [ light laughter ] he seems to be wearing a hat made out of leaves. she's thinking, "i'm the luckiest girl in the world." and he's thinking, "i'm obrontin, king of the tree people." [ laughter ] >> steve: you're good. >> jimmy: yeah. i can see that type of stuff. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: here's another one here. here's a couple laughing during a pillow fight. she's thinking, "i wore my sexiest outfit for this date?" and he's thinking, "i wore my super cute v-neck sweater with a hood, my tattered calvin kleins, and a spritz of my fave jasmine perfume. wait, does she think i'm straight?" [ laughter ] it happens. >> steve: it happens. [ applause ] happens a lot. >> jimmy: it happens. here's the last one here. it's newlyweds on their wedding night. she's thinking, "everything about this night is perfect." and he's thinking, "except my haircut." there you go, that's all the "he said, she said" we have time

for. stick around, we'll be right back with "cell phone shootout." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] she did a full day at the office, went home and fed her family. now she's helping her community. no wonder it's hard to focus on her own needs. but she's got one a day women's, a complete multivitamin with key nutrients women may need all in one pill. because our focus is you.

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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everyone. thank you for watching. everybody, we love gadgets on this show, and we love games.

that's why it's time once again for "cell phone shootout." [ wolf howling ] [ phone dialing ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: here's how the game works. we invite three members of the audience down here with their cell phone cameras. then a bunch of images are going to flash by on the sharp 108, really fast. six images a second. and each contestant will snap a picture with their cell phone as the images go by. whatever you take a picture of, well, that's what you win. let's see what kind of prizes they're playing for. higgins? >> steve: well, jimmy, today we have a pair of bird-flipping mittens. [ laughter ] >> steve: a real sweatshirt from a fake college, a luxurious flesh-toned ball sack, a human-sized picnic -- basket. and of course, the call of the wolf-waker. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: for centuries, the wolf-waker has journeyed in solitude thousands of light years from the lush bosom of the wolf planet. [ laughter ]

he was the krylon-4 star system's -- lll most gifted warrior, yet his nights were spent alone huddled in his starship upon a meager buckwheat cushion. harmonic spear at his side. and each new dawn as he woke from restless slumber to the blinding haze of a white-hot intergalactic sun, he would raise his face to the heavens and wonder. will i ever know love? and so it was that one day a beautiful she-wolf appeared to him, thousands of years his junior, with a delicate snout and a coat so supple, it set the very ions of the wolf-waker's synthetic consciousness ablaze. for seven blissful harvests she shared his buckwheat cushion, and the wolf-waker at last knew peace in his loins. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

but he knew also that his destiny lay elsewhere. that he must travel onward without her, ever onward, a scorching pillar of fusion flame. deeper and further amongst the distant stars. defending the wolves against sentient hyper-robotic overlords and waking them when they slept. higgins, who do we have playing tonight? >> steve: tonight's contestants are, mike mccourt, aromo orleans lindsay, and paul mesciano. get your cell phones cocked and ready and get ready to get down and play "cell phone shootout!" ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, you guys. welcome. hey, there, what is your name and where are you from? >> my name's mike from san francisco. >> jimmy: welcome, mike from san francisco. [ cheers and applause ] we love san fran. what prize you got your eye on there? >> i guess i like that sweater up there. that sweatshirt's looking pretty good. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a pretty -- real sweatshirt, fake university. okay. hey, what's your name, where are from? >> my name's aromo orleans lindsay, and i'm

from maryland. >> jimmy: okay -- very good. now, welcome to the show. we love maryland as well. you know michael phelps is from baltimore, right? >> i was born in baltimore. >> jimmy: oh, really? well, here you go then. you're going to just go nuts when he comes out. what prize are you playing for? >> umm -- the ball sack, i think. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: higgins -- higgins, don't -- you don't have to touch the ball sack. it can hold a whole lot of athletic balls. [ light laughter ] what is your name and where are you from? >> paul mesciano. >> jimmy: paul mesciano, where are you from, paul? >> i'm in connecticut now, from florida. >> jimmy: you're in connecticut from -- through florida. wwe love both of thos areas. what are you looking for here? >> i'm thinking the shake weight. >> jimmy: oh, the brass shake weight there. solid brass shake weight worth a lot of money. yeah, that's gonna be -- it's very classy. >> i'm down. >> jimmy: all right, here we go, everybody. everyone turn around, face the sharp 108. get your cell phones ready, and turn your cameras on, but don't take the picture until i tell you to. okay? all right.

i will give you the signal. let's start the loop! [ musical beeping ] wait for my command. wait for it. wait for it. wait! wait! ready -- aim -- shoot! stop the loop! all right, player number one. let's see what prize you won. oh! it's a portrait of a very nice family. >> steve: ooh. ♪ you've won a beautiful frame -- portrait of someone else's family. it's the carvin family from little rock, arkansas. sean, linda and their two beautiful children, roger and buschey-kay-kay. they're not your real family, but now, their elegant family portrait is all yours. jimmy? >> jimmy: that's right. beautiful family. [ cheers and applause ] beautiful family. congratulations. all right. my friend, you won -- [ gasps ] the brass shake weight. [ cheers ] >> steve: you've won a solid brass shake weight. look and feel like a rich person

as you shake, shake, shake your way to giant, jacked up arms. it's a solid brass shake weight. jimmy! >> jimmy: thank you so much, higgins. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. let's see what it all comes down to right here. oh, man. you got the oversized picnic basket. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh! you've won a human-sized picnic basket. this basket is big enough to fit a full-grown human and gaston poupon, of the poupon fortune, has been sitting inside for the last six hours waiting to take you on a picnic. enjoy wine, cheese and gaston poupon's sparkling company. whether you invited him or not, it's a human-sized picnic basket. jimmy? >> jimmy: fantastic. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] gaston poupon comes with it as well. you guys, there's one more special thing. as a special bonus prize for all of our contestants, let's all join hands and experience the call of the wolf-waker. come on, everybody.

take your neighbor's hand. be very still. ♪ [ whistling howl ] [ laughter ] [ whistling howl ] [ whistling tone ] [ laughter ] [ whistling howl ] [ wolf howl ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is it for "cell phone shootout." we'll be right back with alan cumming, everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lily...she pretty much lives in her favorite princess dress.

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