Dear Phoebe.
Starring Peter Lawford.
Co-starring Marcia Henderson.
Created and produced by Alex Gottlieb.
Directed by Don Weiss.
Mother Nature does a fine job decorating most of the world for the holiday season.
But here in Southern California, we have to give her a helping hand.
Our snow is strictly synthetic.
The trees come in all colors, including old-fashioned green.
And Santa Claus drives Donna and Blitzen high over Beverly Hills with his sunglasses on.
Everybody wants something or someone for Christmas.
I have my heart set on Mickey Riley, girl sportswriter on the Daily Star.
The rest of my restless hours are spent writing the Phoebe Goodhart Love Blonde column.
And this time of year, shopping for Christmas cards.
Hey, how come you're sending out cards so late? It's only four days till Christmas.
I forgot to remember a lot of people I met through the column.
Hey, here's a card for your girl, Eloise. Is she coming to the party?
If there is one, I hear a lot of ugly rumors, but I started.
How about this for Joey?
Joey Cragen, the nine-year-old monster?
He isn't anymore.
Is he nine years old or isn't a monster?
Since he started military school, he's a fine young man.
Yeah, he'll probably hang your Christmas card right next to his dishonorable discharge.
I'll never forget the first time I met Joey.
I've got a picture here.
He looked just like this. The terror of the neighborhood.
Then I discovered that he wasn't so tough.
Just a fatherless kid with one ambition.
To be the terror of a military school.
No, I'll prove you wrong.
Joey's reformed. And when a kid like that reforms, he stays reformed.
Don't make a move.
Who's that?
I'm not talking and you got to promise you won't.
Where are you, Joey?
Joey!
How long have you been in there?
All day. I'm A-W-O-L.
You're what?
I went over the hill. Ran away.
Let's get out.
Here you go.
Just a minute.
I see your traveling light.
This is for you. I made it in shop.
Thank you, Joey.
Shouldn't it say, don't open till Christmas?
It's a going away present. Christmas is for cream puffs.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not going to open till Christmas.
I'm going to give you a present.
What's that?
It's a Christmas present.
It's a Christmas present.
It's a Christmas present.
It's a going away present. Christmas is for cream puffs.
I see.
Where are you shipping out?
Never mind. Open the present.
Anything you say.
Oh, that's beautiful, Joey.
It's exactly what I wanted.
There's more.
Thank you.
I wonder what this is.
What do you know?
How does it fit?
Perfect. Look at that.
Isn't that good?
It'll go with anything too.
Okay then. I'll be on my way.
How long does it take to get to Morocco?
Morocco?
Sure. I'm joining the foreign legion.
Oh, that's a shame.
The last bus to Morocco left about an hour ago.
You sure?
Well, I was looking over the schedule myself last night.
Been thinking about joining up.
You're not doing any better with Mickey?
I've been counting on the good will to mend season and a sprig of mistletoe.
Say, since you're not leaving for Morocco until tomorrow, how about something to eat?
I bet you haven't eaten all day.
I ate when I got here.
All right. Joey, let's see what we can whip up.
I left the little meat on the chicken for you.
Oh, yes. Yes, there it is under the right wing.
My man could make a meal out of that.
I didn't want you to go hungry.
Very kind of you.
The MPs!
Probably isn't any...
Mr. Hastings! You hound!
My mother! She'll turn me in!
There we are.
In you go.
I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Hastings, but I'm terribly worried.
Well, come in, Mrs. Cregan. Come in.
Thank you.
Where's your gun?
Oh, I, uh... I ran out of caps.
Oh. They called me from Joey's school just a little while ago.
He's deserted.
Our Joey?
I thought maybe he'd come here.
He's always talking about you and how you made a man out of him.
Come on.
Joey?
Jo...
Aw. He looks almost human when he's asleep, don't he?
He was here when I came home.
I'll just put him on the couch, then he can talk.
Mrs. Cregan, does the school have any idea why he ran away?
All they said was that he could be caught, marshaled, and broken to private.
And he worked so hard for his corporal stripes.
I just don't understand him.
I don't know why he ran away, and it was this.
It's an invitation from the school to its annual father and son banquet.
Well, I thought you said that Joey's father left you.
Oh, he did. I ain't seen him since Joey put the glue in his doiby four years ago.
Then you think Joey ran away because he didn't have a father to take to the banquet, is that it?
I can't think of no other reason.
It's up to us to find Joey's father for him before Christmas.
Do you have any pictures of him, besides the one you carry next to your heart?
Oh, my very favorite. A family group.
I got mad when he left, and I cut his face out of all the pictures.
Perhaps we could trace him through his work. Or didn't he?
In between picking up on employment checks. He was a fixer.
A fixer?
Oh, like if your toaster was broke, your television set, he'd fix it.
Usually for good. That's why he always had to change jobs.
Sort of a vagabond fixer.
Yeah. The last I heard of him, a while back, he was working for someone named, um, Honest Joe.
Someone named, um, Honest Harry.
Honest Harry? Why, he fixed my television set.
Does it work good now?
Not at all.
That was him all right.
Now don't you worry. Tomorrow I'm going to go out and find Mr. Kragan,
and you and Joey will have a wonderful Christmas after all.
Hi.
Hi.
Bye.
Don't be afraid.
Who's afraid? I'm just cautious.
Tiny Tim is here to transform our own Scrooge into a warm, friendly man
who will pay for our annual Christmas party out of his own pocket.
You are talking about Mr. Fosdick.
He of the Cold Stone Heart.
But it'll be melted by the sunny smile of this wistful child who wants so little for Christmas.
When does the age of the old man come to pass?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh, it should take me about five minutes to accomplish this minor feat.
Should we synchronize our watches?
Hey!
This is reformed.
Sure it is.
If you must, you'll be broken by now.
Hmm.
It slipped.
Huh?
Well, we'll discuss this later.
Joey! My, you look fine.
It's the uniform.
Inside, I'm miserable and depressed.
Yeah, but not for long.
Well, Christmas list.
What are you getting me?
What makes you think you're on it?
She's getting you an electric razor.
How did you know?
I'm peculiar.
I can read upside down before I can read right side up.
An electric razor.
She cares how I look.
Do you want to know what I'm getting you?
No.
I'm getting you a new one.
She cares how I look. Do you want to know what I'm getting you?
No. I like to be surprised.
You will be.
Is the deposit against office?
Mm-hmm.
He's trying to talk himself out of making a contribution to the Christmas party.
Now, hear this.
I wish to announce there will be no Christmas party this year.
I have decided to give my usual generous donation to charity instead.
And charity begins at home.
We're taking up a fund to hang you from the top of a Christmas tree.
We're oversubscribed now, but we knew you wouldn't want to be left out.
My mind is as closed as my wallet.
My budget does not include any contribution to an office party.
The natives are restless tonight.
Disperse, ye rebels!
This year you can make other plans for Christmas Eve.
On my salary?
I don't even have to pay income tax.
The government just writes him off as a bad debt.
If none of you wants to be out of work this joyous yuletide season...
And I was going to buy him a beautiful necktie.
With a hangman's knot in it, I hope.
You two go ahead and start planning the party.
I'm still an expert mind changer.
Budget!
Joey?
Joey?
Well, he came in here with us.
Woooo!
Burn them!
Joey, you must not bite Mr. Fosdick.
You'll chip your teeth.
I think he went right through the bone.
How are you, my boy?
I've grown an inch and a half and I'm A-W-O-L.
How are you?
I haven't grown an inch in 30 years.
What's this nonsense about changing my mind?
It's quite simple.
Will your useless effort take long? I'm a busy man.
Two minutes.
Well, I'll time you.
Where's my watch?
Joey, you mustn't do that anymore.
No, sir.
You see, he's sorry.
Now, why don't you go outside and break up some typewriters till I get finished?
Roger.
You know what's left of my 25 years as a faithful employee watch?
You've got one more minute of my time.
Mr. Fosdick, how would you like to see your name in the paper?
I see it every day.
G.R. Fosdick, Managing Editor.
You've got 50 seconds.
No.
No, I mean a front page byline on a story that could become a Christmas classic in newspaper annals.
You've got all the time you want.
I thought so.
Does the staff get its usual Christmas party at your expense?
If your story's as good as you say it is, yes.
It's better.
You are going to stage a reconciliation between a father and son who haven't seen each other in four years.
A tear-jerker?
You could become the sob brother of the profession.
A sweet little toe-headed cherub torn by circumstances from the father he loved and adored,
his faith in humanity restored on the eve of Christmas Eve by a great reporter who came out of retirement.
The one and only G.R. Fosdick.
Where are they?
Well, the little toe-headed cherub is out breaking up typewriters and...
Joey!
Oh, no, no, no. I can't do that to his father.
But it's a great story. They'll cry right through New Year's Day.
Well, if it's such a great story, why don't you write it?
No, no. I don't believe in capitalizing on human emotions for commercial purposes.
I think it's vicious, cruel...
All right. You've talked me into it. I'll do it. When is this reconciliation?
Tonight. I called Honest Harry and asked him to send Mr. Craig into the house at eight o'clock to repair my television set.
I'll be there with pencil and flashbulb.
And a check for the office party.
Now, you put that down, Joey. The surprise isn't due until eight o'clock.
I loved you in front page.
Please happen to be my work clothes.
Now, Mrs. Cregan, I'm sure you remember the star of Star Reporter, Flashy Fosdick.
He looks like all them old movies on television.
Well, where is the surprise?
I don't know.
I'm all excited, Joey, aren't you?
It depends on what the surprise is.
Joey, I'll tell you.
It's something that will restore a little boy's faith in Santa Claus.
Yeah?
When that bell rings, on the other side of the door will be your father.
You ready?
Well?
I distinctly asked for Murray Cregan.
Well, he got himself fired this afternoon, so Harry sent me instead.
What seems to be your trouble?
Let me know if you hear anything before the end of the day, will you, Eddie?
Right.
What?
Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
No trace of Cregan?
And tomorrow's Christmas.
Don't tell me you haven't found Joey's father yet.
Have you ever tried to look for one man in a city of two million people
during the Christmas season?
No.
Have you ever tried to look for one man in a city of two million people
during the Christmas rush?
Mr. Fausdick, let's have the party anyway.
A deal's a deal.
No front page byline story, no party.
You might as well head for home, hang your sock in the mantle,
and go to bed.
I'm going home, put my sock in the bed, and hang myself on the mantle.
Where's Joey now?
He's with his mother.
He's lost what little faith he ever had in Santa Claus, me, or anything else.
Well, I might as well give you a present.
I've got shoes on my desk.
Hello.
Eddie?
How about that?
Hold it a minute.
The unemployment office found him.
Where?
He's working as a Santa Claus.
Get on the phone, set up the party.
Oh, boy, I'll make Mr. Fausdick buy the biggest Christmas tree in town.
I've got all the decorations from last year.
Go ahead, Eddie.
Give me the address.
Hey, you the new replacement?
Yeah.
They had to rush me in when one of the other boys got battle fatigue.
Where'd you go through your basic?
May Company.
That's good training ground.
And shunt!
All right, men, this is the last detail.
You only have to face them once more.
You, pull in that chest, throw out your stomach.
Sorry, sir.
I ought to break you.
Look at this.
Do you call that clean?
No, sir.
You, of all people, you're a ten-year man, aren't you?
Reenlisted twice, sir.
Good, good.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Boots unshined, uniform wrinkled, beard straggly.
Well, you see, sir, I just washed it and I can't do a thing with it.
You're the new man, aren't you?
Murray Cragan, sir.
Where did you serve before?
The invasion of Macy's Basement 52, sir.
They awarded me a purple chimney for that, sir.
Are you being sarcastic, Cragan?
Oh, no, sir.
Not me, sir.
Let's hear your chuckle.
That's a snicker.
Oh, no, sir.
A snicker is not crowded with a fry, which a snicker...
And a chuckle is crowded with...
And if I may say so, sir, I have a guffaw that lays them in the aisles.
Nothing?
Afraid you won't do, Cragan.
Turn in your bear and your pillow.
God, by him.
I don't know who you are, but this man isn't fit to wear the uniform of our store.
You come with me, Mr. Cragan.
I've got a charge account here.
Just put me down for one Santa Claus.
The name's Bill Hastings.
Go on, hurry up.
Get your clothes.
Yeah.
This is most irregular, and I can't possibly imagine what you would want with a Santa Claus.
Oh, just a childish whim?
Uh-huh.
I want to talk to you about your son.
Who sent you after me?
What's the charge, desertion?
I plead self-defense.
No, no, no charge.
I just want to make Joey's Christmas wish come true.
You would send me to the chair just to make him happy?
The only chair Joey wants to see you in, Mr. Cragan, is your armchair at home.
And somebody must have given him a home wiring set for Christmas.
I tell you, the kid wants no part of me.
The best thing I ever did was to walk out on him.
Well, don't you think Joey deserves a father's love and affection?
Mr. Cragan, if I could prove to you that things would be different now,
they really want you back, would you give them another chance?
There, that's it.
All right, now everyone out of the city room until Joey gets here and sees the tree alone.
Why?
What for?
What's up?
I'll explain later.
Now hurry, you'll be here any minute.
Go ahead, don't mind me.
I'll see you later under the mistletoe.
He's here.
Oh, Mr. Hastings.
Come on, Joey.
What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. Cragan?
Oh, the only way I could get him down here was by telling him that I would drive him to Morocco.
Come on, Joey.
Mr. Hastings has a nice surprise for you.
No, he's another one of those who makes promises and doesn't keep them.
Mrs. Cragan, I don't believe I've shown you my new watch.
It's dustproof, anti-magnetic, waterproof, and is completely indestructible.
One of them?
I thought that'd get you out.
Where is the watch?
In my office.
Be my guest.
Hiya, Joey.
How did you know my name?
Oh, guess old Santa Claus knows just about everything.
You know how he finds out?
You tap wires?
Yeah.
No, I mean, he's got helpers like me who go around and...
find out who's been bad or who's been good.
I've been bad and good.
Yeah, I know.
You're on Santa's books.
I am?
Sure.
Every kid is.
Tell me, why do you do it?
Why do I do what?
You know, give everybody presents.
What's the angle?
Oh, there's no angle.
I guess it's maybe because I got a warm spot in my heart for the whole human race.
Tell me, what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?
Nothing.
Nothing?
I guess your old man must be pretty good to you if you don't need nothing.
He's a swell guy.
Gives me anything I want.
You two must be great pals.
Yeah, we go everywhere together.
Not like other fathers who run off and leave their kids?
Joey, if I could bring your old man back home again, would that make you happy?
You know where he is?
Yeah, yeah, I guess I know where I could find him now.
He's been lost a long time.
Joey, you wait right here, huh?
You won't let me down?
Well, Santa let you down.
Never.
You just wait right here.
Hi, Joey.
Hi, Miss Raleigh.
I'm waiting for Santa Claus to make me believe in him.
Would you like to hear a Christmas song while you're waiting?
Sure.
Can you sing?
I'll try.
Silent night, holy night.
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon virgin, mother and child.
Holy infant so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Silent night, holy night.
One little song, when I die.
Will the angels let us sing.
Hallelujah to our King.
Christ the Savior is born.
Christ the Savior is born.
And now we'll give out the presents,
including New Year's bonuses for everybody.
Bonuses!
Including me.
For he's a jolly good fellow.
I feel he was here a minute ago.
Which nobody can deny.
Which nobody can deny.
Which nobody can deny.
For he's a jolly good fellow.
For he's a jolly good fellow.
For he's a jolly good fellow.
Oh, come in, come in.
I have your present.
Right here.
Can't you wait until I see what my present is?
Oh, all right.
It was the night before Christmas,
when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
Good evening, friends.
I'm Jan Clayton,
and I'm enjoying the most wonderful moment of all,
the night before Christmas with my children,
Joe, Karen, Robin, and Sandra.
Remember when we were children,
and we could hardly wait for Santa?
Then the indescribable joy of opening presents.
Later, the big family dinner,
and the gentle feeling of goodwill toward one another.
That's the nicest part, the goodwill.
How wonderful it would be if during the coming year,
the spirit of the Prince of Peace
could so deeply penetrate the hearts of men everywhere,
that by next Christmas, we could truly have
peace on earth, goodwill toward men.
It's with sincere feelings of goodwill
that my family and the Campbell folks join me in wishing you,
well, as Santa says in our poem here,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Rockful orchestral mirth