1 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,657 Oh, good morning, sir. Can I help you? 2 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,365 Yes, I wonder if you had any part-time vacancies on your books. 3 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,075 Part-time, I'll have a look, sir. 4 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,534 I think we've got... 5 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,200 Um... Ah, yes. Sir Walter Raleigh 6 00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,245 is equipping another expedition to Virginia. 7 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,128 He needs traders and sailors. 8 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,124 Ah, vittlers needed at the Court of Philip of Spain. 9 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,217 Oh, yeah, and they want master joiners and craftsmen 10 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,094 for the building of the Globe Theatre. 11 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,754 | see. Have you got anything a bit more modern? 12 00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,389 You know, like a job on the buses, or-- 13 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,799 or digging the Underground? 14 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,094 Oh, no, we only have Tudorjobs. 15 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,137 That can't be very profitable, can it? 16 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,771 Well, you'd be surprised, sir. 17 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,398 The Tudor economy's booming. 18 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,808 Ever since Sir Humphrey Gilbert 19 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,602 opened up the Northwest Passage to Cathay 20 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,191 and the Cabots' expansion in Canada, 21 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,322 there's been a tremendous surge in exports. 22 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,528 And trade with the Holy Roman Empire is going-- 23 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,443 No. Quite right. It's no good at all. 24 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,702 What? 25 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,328 lt-- Well, it's a dead loss. 26 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,365 We haven't put anyone in a job since 1625. 27 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,741 | see. 28 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,500 -That's all? -What? 29 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,369 -That's all you say? -Yes. 30 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,038 No, no, we were the tops, then. 31 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,127 Drake got all his sailors here. 32 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,838 Elizabeth, we supplied the archbishops for her coronation. 33 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,719 Shakespeare started off from here as a temp. 34 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,847 Then came James |, and the bottom fell out of Tudorjobs. 35 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:45,352 1603, 800 vacancies filled. 1604, 40. 36 00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:48,397 1605, none. 1606, none. 37 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,354 The rest of the Stuart period, nothing. Hanoverians, nothing. 38 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,818 Victorian, nothing. Saxe-Coburgs, nothing. 39 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,354 Windsors-- What did you want? 40 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,363 -Dirty books, please. -Right. All right. 41 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,198 Have a look through these, sir. 42 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,408 Uh, sorry about the Tudor bit, 43 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,786 but you can't be too careful, you know. 44 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,204 Have you got anything-- 45 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,697 -Anything a bit-- -A bit stronger. 46 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,787 Hold on. My Lord of WanNick! 47 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,709 -MAN: Hello! -Raise high the drawbridge. 48 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:12,167 -G|oucester's troops approach. -MAN: Right. 49 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,671 Can't be too careful you know, sir. 50 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,628 [MURMURS] 51 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,044 There's, uh... There's Bridget, Queen of the Whip. 52 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,257 Yeah. 53 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,388 Or there's, uh, Naughty Nora. 54 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:25,050 -No. -Or there's this one: 55 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,059 Doug, Bob and Gordon Visit the Ark Royal. 56 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,096 Orthere's, uh... 57 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,061 Sister Teresa, The Spanking Nun. 58 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,809 You don't have anything specifically 59 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,565 about, uh, Devon and Cornwall? 60 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,563 No. I'm afraid not, sir. 61 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,405 The one l was after was Arthur Hotchkiss' 62 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,526 De vonshire Country Churches. 63 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:45,787 Well, how about this, sir: Bum Biters. 64 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,538 No, not really. 65 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,825 Um, I don't suppose you've got any general surveys 66 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,535 of English church architecture? 67 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,419 No, it's not really our line, sir. 68 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,414 No, | see. Well, never mind. 69 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,423 I'll just take the Lord Lieutenant in Nylons, then, and, uh... 70 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,586 l'll trade in these two copies of Piggie Parade. 71 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,004 Thank you. 72 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,763 -MAN: My Lord of WanNick! -He|lo. 73 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,466 Raise high the drawbridge. Gloucester's troops approach. 74 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,600 Right. 75 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,394 Uh, just these, then. 76 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,728 All right. This is a raid. 77 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,359 My name's Superintendent Gaskell 78 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,521 and this is Sergeant Maddox. 79 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,610 Sir Philip Sidney. 'Tis good to see thee on these shores again. 80 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,779 -Shut up. -Thy suit is fair and goodly cut. 81 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,244 -Was't from Antwerp? -Shut up. It's a disguise. 82 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,655 Right! Confiscate the smutty books, Maddox. 83 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,495 Sir Philip, prithee, nay. 84 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,660 Listen, mate. Don't come that Philip Sidney bit with me. 85 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,624 I'm not a bloody Tudor at all! 86 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:38,215 I'm Gaskell of the Vice Squad, and this is Sergeant Maddox. 87 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,379 Maddox?! 88 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,013 Where's he gone? 89 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,719 Sir Philip, prithee, rest a while. 90 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,554 Look, this is the last time. I'm warning you. 91 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,140 I'm not Sir Philip bleeding Sidney. 92 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:54,602 I'm Superintendent Harold Gaskell, and this is a raid! 93 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,563 That'll be 540 quid, sir. 94 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,694 All right then. Oh, I'll just have this one then. 95 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,731 Maddox! 96 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,490 Look, this is a raid. 97 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,452 Honestly. I promise you. 98 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,158 -Where are you going? -l'm going home. 99 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,072 Right. 100 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,787 Right, l'll remember you. Don't you worry. l'll remember. 101 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,118 Prithee, good Sir Philip. 102 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:17,163 Don't you start. Maddox! 103 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,501 Listen, I can prove to you I'm a policeman. 104 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,791 I'll give the name of all the men 105 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,467 down in F division at Acton. 106 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,298 Inspector Arthur Perry. 107 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,212 Superintendent Charles Frodwell, my best friend. 108 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,723 Police dogs Butch, Wolf, Panther, Maudling. 109 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:32,182 How would I know those names if I was Sir Philip Sidney? 110 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,646 Vicar, vicar. You know me. 111 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:38,730 The Gargoyle Club. I got you off the charge. 112 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,315 Farewell, good Sir Philip. 113 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,103 Hey, stop! 114 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,239 Maddox! 115 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,574 You'll never get away with this, you porn merchant! 116 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,785 Blimey. 117 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,421 Maddox? 118 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,009 Maddox? 119 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,137 Oh, good sir. 120 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,969 How glad I am to see thee come. 121 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,053 [$033] 122 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,512 Forgive me weeping... 123 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,019 but my love has gone. 124 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,771 Uh, listen. My name is Gaskell. 125 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,144 Uh, Superintendent Gaskell of Vice Squad. 126 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:23,437 -Myself and Sergeant Maddox are on a raid. -[SOBB|NG] 127 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,697 We are not Tudor people, we are the police. 128 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,575 Frances, what idleness is this? 129 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,445 Why, good Sir Philip Sidney, 130 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,238 what hast thou here? 131 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:37,209 You are Sir Philip Sidney? 132 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,082 Possibly. 133 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,543 But I may be Superintendent Gaskell of the Vice Squad. 134 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,207 Ha-ha. Good Sir Philip. 135 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,422 Thy sharp-tongued wit has not deserted thee. 136 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,761 Come. Let us eat and drink. 137 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,422 Stay with us awhile. 138 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,424 All right, sir. I think I will. 139 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,767 [PLAYING FOLK TUNE] 140 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,648 [LAUGHTER, CHATTER] 141 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,980 Then... Then did we bust the Harry Tony mob, 142 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,647 who did seek to import Scandinavian filth via Germany. 143 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,611 For six years they cleaned up a packet. 144 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,366 The day I got whiff of them through a squealer 145 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,198 did within a week mop up right good. 146 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:15,114 They're now languishing, doing five-year bird in Parkhurst. 147 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,281 [ALL LAUGHING] 148 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,287 Sir Philip, the Spaniards have landed in the Netherlands. 149 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:23,789 My Lord Walsingham needs you there forthwith. 150 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,002 Mm. 151 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,416 [WOMAN GASPS] 152 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,460 -Right. Let's go. -ALL: Good luck, Sir Philip! 153 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,132 Fighter against filth! 154 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,475 [TRUMPETS BLARING] 155 00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,147 Where are the Spaniards? 156 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,439 Down below, Sir Philip. 157 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,321 Their first boats are landing even now. 158 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,067 Right. You stay here, I'll go and get them. 159 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,030 Sir Philip. Not alone. 160 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,531 [J‘J‘J‘] 161 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,423 Hello, hello. 162 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,179 What's going on here? 163 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,557 It's nothing, sehor. It's just some literature. 164 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,719 [SPEAKS INAUDIBLY] 165 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:23,141 I know what literature is, you dago dustbin. 166 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,149 I also know what porn is. 167 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,731 What's this then, eh? 168 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:30,147 It is one of Lope de Vega's latest plays, sefior. 169 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,282 Toledo Tit Parade? 170 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,067 What kind of a play is that? 171 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,486 It's very visual, senor. 172 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,200 Right. I'm taking this lot in 173 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,490 in the name of Her Gracious Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. 174 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,578 Oh, but, senor-- 175 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,368 Don't give me any trouble. 176 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,208 Just pile up these baskets of filth and come with me. 177 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,547 Never. 178 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,013 Ow. 179 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,480 [SCREAMS] 180 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,231 NARRATOR: The battle raged long and hard. 181 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,606 But as night fell, Sidney overcame the Spaniards. 182 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,151 Six thousand copies of Tits and Bums, 183 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:20,573 and 4000 copies of Shower Sheila were seized that day. 184 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:24,743 The tide of Spanish porn was stemmed. 185 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:29,252 Sir Philip Sidney returned to London in triumph. 186 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,633 Covered in glory, Sir Philip rode home to Penshurst 187 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,136 to see his beloved wife. 188 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:39,099 But all was not well. 189 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,514 Good evening all, my love. 190 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,430 I have returned safe from the Low Countries. 191 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,602 [WHISTLES] 192 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,349 What art thou reading, fair one? 193 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,018 Oh. 'Tis nothing, husband. 194 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,607 I can see 'tis something. 195 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:55,114 Uh...'tis one of Shakespeare's latest works. 196 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,240 Oh. 197 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,535 Gay Boys in Bondage. 198 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,493 What is't? Tragedy? Comedy? 199 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,999 Uh...Uh, 'tis, um... 200 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,956 Uh, 'tis the story of a... 201 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,956 a... man's great love for his uh, fellow men. 202 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,258 How fortunate we are indeed 203 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,168 to have such a poet on these shores. 204 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:18,304 Indeed. Um, how was the war, my lord? 205 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,214 The Spaniards were defeated thrice. 206 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,725 Six dozen chests of hardcore captured. 207 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,978 Hast brought home any spoils of war? 208 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:28,644 Yes, good, my wife. This fair coat, trimmed with ermine. 209 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,651 Oh. Lovely. 210 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,190 Naught else? 211 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,070 No, no, fair lady. The rest was too smutty. 212 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,983 Now, good my wife, while I rest, read to me a while 213 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,573 from Shakespeare's Gay Boys in Bondage. 214 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,331 Uh... yes, my lord. 215 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:49,752 [SIGHS] 216 00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,380 "Gay Boys in Bondage. " 217 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:56,043 [CLEARS THROAT] 218 00:09:56,096 --> 00:10:00,260 "Ken, 25, is a mounted policeman with a difference. 219 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,344 And what a difference. 220 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:08,017 Even Roger is surprised. And he's... 221 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,015 he's used to real men." 222 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,018 'Tis like Hamlet. What a genius. 223 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:17,405 "But who is going to do the cooking tonight? Roddy's got a mouth full--" 224 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,566 All right, this is a raid! 225 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,109 Oh. We are disgraced. 226 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,368 There you are, Maddox. 227 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,823 Cut the chat and get in the van. 228 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,031 Maddox. You recognize me. 229 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,657 Indeed I do, Sir Philip Sidney, 230 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:28,745 and sad I am to see you caught up 231 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,036 in this morass of filth. 232 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,583 Ooh. That's a long one. 233 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,339 Oh. Oh. The glorious name of Sidney is besmirched. 234 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,500 All is lost. 235 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,793 Oh, alas the day. 236 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,507 Shut up! I know this man. 237 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,092 It's me old mate, Sergeant Maddox. 238 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,597 You'll do time for this. 239 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:45,388 Oh, Maddox, it's me, Gaskell. F division down at Acton. 240 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,851 Inspector Arthur FrodwelI-- 241 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,644 Come on, Sidney! And you, miss. 242 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,726 I'm not Sir Philip bleeding Sidney. Where were you? 243 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,061 We could have mopped up that Tudor shop. 244 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,352 Yeah. Ooh, that's a good one. 245 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,733 It's me. It's me, Gaskell. 246 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,069 [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 247 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,576 You'll hear more about this when I get back to the station. 248 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,411 Maddox, you've got the wrong man. 249 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,595 [FANFARE PLAYING] 250 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,437 Petty bodice that here I hold. 251 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:34,770 If this be Brian's, then to fight I go. But no. 252 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,526 Alas, if Roger doth proceed, I am undone. 253 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:40,359 No, Cyril must not know. Butno. 254 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,694 Yes. Now I am resolved. 255 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,826 But hold, someone approacheth. 256 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,450 Take heed, my lord. Kevin and Bruce are here. 257 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,614 [PERSON SCREAMING] 258 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:54,084 [BUBBLING] 259 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,630 [PLAYING ORGAN] 260 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,594 It's so nice here, isn't it, darling? 261 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,176 Oh, it's beautiful. It's... 262 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,513 It's Paris all over again. 263 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,643 Excuse me, do you mind if I join you? 264 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,726 Uh... no, no. N-not at all. 265 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,983 Are you sure you don't mind? 266 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,393 Uh, yes, yes, absolutely. 267 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,982 Y-you're sure I won't be disturbing you? 268 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,487 No, no. 269 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,147 You're absolutely sure I'm not disturbing you? 270 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,070 No. No, really. 271 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,529 Good. I don't want to disturb you. 272 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,740 -I'm sorry? -I don't want to disturb you. 273 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,827 Especially, as you're being so kind about me not disturbing you. 274 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,207 Oh, no, no, we don't mind, do we, darling? 275 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,709 -No. No, darling. -Good. 276 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,211 So I can go ahead and join you, then. Can I? 277 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,498 -Yes. -Yes, please. 278 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,256 -Won't be disturbing? -No, no, no. 279 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,759 -No. -Good, good. You're very kind. 280 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,171 A lot of people are far less understanding than you are. 281 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,718 Oh. 282 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,758 A lot of people take offense when I even talk to them. 283 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,348 Let alone when I specifically tell them about my... 284 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,396 being disturbing. 285 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:03,358 Well, i-- it's not particularly disturbing. 286 00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,773 No, absolutely, absolutely. 287 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,075 That's what I always say. 288 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,032 But you'd be amazed... 289 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,499 You'd be amazed at the number of people 290 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,581 who really get worried by it. 291 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:22,044 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo J‘ 292 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,293 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo, doo-doo-doo J‘ 293 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,177 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-- J‘ 294 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,679 I mean, even doing this gets people looking at me 295 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,716 in the most extraordinary way. 296 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:34,060 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo J‘ 297 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:37,597 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo Doodle-oodle-oodle J‘ 298 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,231 J‘ Doo-doo, doodle-doo J‘ 299 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,234 Well, we must be getting on. 300 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,023 I knew I'd disturb you. I knew I'd disturb you. 301 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,737 It always happens. 302 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,406 Whenever I find someone that l-- I really think 303 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,286 I'm gonna be able to get on with-- 304 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,822 You see, we're going to be a little bit late. 305 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,498 Oh, darling. Come on. Let's stay. 306 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,828 -What? -We||... 307 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,410 -[SOBS] -Well, uh, just a little bit. 308 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,078 Only-- I mean, we will be late if we don't... 309 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,296 Oh, thank you. You're very kind. 310 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,755 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo J‘ 311 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:09,303 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo Doodle-ood/e-oo J‘ 312 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:12,182 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo J‘ 313 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,093 WOMAN: As it turned out, our chance meeting 314 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,977 with the Reverend Arthur Belling 315 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:19,230 was to change our whole way of life. 316 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,766 And every Sunday we ’d hurry along 317 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:25,478 to St. Loony Up the Cream Bun and Jam in time for night Mass. 318 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,411 ALL: J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo J‘ 319 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,448 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo J‘ 320 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,450 J‘ Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo J‘ 321 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,621 [EXPLOSION] 322 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,288 [PLAYS] 323 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,218 -And now... -|t's... 324 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,379 [J‘J‘J‘] 325 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:57,761 ANNOUNCER: Monty Python's Flying Circuses. 326 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,416 [GUNSHOTS] 327 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,500 Baa! 328 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:26,714 [SQUAWKS] 329 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,169 [M EOWS] 330 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,292 [BELLS DINGING] 331 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,334 [WHINNIES] 332 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,629 [BELLS AND GUNSHOTS CONTINUE] 333 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,307 [SCREAMS] 334 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,485 [SPLASHING] 335 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:54,317 MAN: Right, sir. One safari snowball. 336 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:57,703 That comes to 1,369 pounds 48p. 337 00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,323 And we'll throw the nude man in for free. 338 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,209 [REGISTER RINGS] All right, gentleman, last orders, please. 339 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,043 Oh, do you want a drink before they close? 340 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,503 No, I want a kiss. 341 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,629 Oh, goody. 342 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,007 Mwah. 343 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,259 NARRATOR: And so they lived happily ever after. 344 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,011 But now... 345 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,048 [J‘J‘J‘] 346 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,717 ANNOUNCER: The Free Repetition of Doubtful Words 347 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,562 Skit, Spoof, Jape or Vignette. 348 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,394 By a Very Underrated Writer. 349 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,986 I have come for some free repetition 350 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,773 of doubtful words on an inland telegram. 351 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,278 Have you the telegram in question? 352 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,660 I have the very thing here. 353 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,787 Well, slip it to me, my good chap, 354 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,035 and let me eye the contents. 355 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,076 At once, Mr. Telegram Enquiry Man. 356 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,328 Thank you, Mr. Customer Man. 357 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,417 Ha-ha. "Parling, I glove you. 358 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:57,590 Clease clome at bronce, your troving swife, Pat." 359 00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,304 Which was the word you wanted checking? 360 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,560 -Pat. -Pat? 361 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,096 My wife's name is not Pat at all. 362 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,222 No? 363 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,106 It's Bat. With a B. 364 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,477 And therefore, I will take a quick look in the book. 365 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,646 Ripping. 366 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,481 You're quite right, old cock. 367 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,275 There has been a mistake. 368 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:20,411 I thought as much. What really does it say? 369 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,493 It say, "Go away, you silly little bleeder. 370 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,783 I am having another man. 371 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,203 Love, Bat." Quite some error. 372 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:31,464 Yes. She wouldn't call herself "Pat". It's silly. 373 00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,295 Daft, I call it. 374 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,006 Well, it has been a pleasure working with you. 375 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,797 For me also it has been a pleasure. 376 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,387 And that concludes our little skit. 377 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,676 [J‘J‘J‘] 378 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,310 NARRATOR: The Free Repetition of Doubtful Words Thing 379 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:55,355 by a Just/y Underrated Writer. 380 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,690 The end. 381 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,766 [J‘J‘J‘] 382 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,319 Good evening. 383 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,025 Tonight on Is There? 384 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:41,197 we examine the question, "Is there a life after death?" 385 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:44,533 And here to discuss it are three dead people. 386 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,662 The late Sir Brian Hardaker, 387 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,623 former curator of the Imperial War Museum, 388 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,084 the late Professor Thynne, until recently 389 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,545 an academic, critic and broadcaster... 390 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:59,176 and putting the point of view of the Church of England, 391 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:02,713 the very late Prebendary Reverend Ross. 392 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,675 Gentlemen, is there a life after death or not? 393 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,264 Sir Brian? 394 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,227 Professor? 395 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,450 Prebendary? 396 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,072 Well, there we have it. Three say no. 397 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,083 On Is There? next week, we'll be discussing the question 398 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:35,246 "Is there enough of it about?" Until then, good night. 399 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:38,211 [J‘J‘J‘] 400 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:54,106 Good doctor, morning. Nice year for the time of day. 401 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,395 Come in. 402 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,604 Can I down sit? 403 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,398 Certainly. [CLEARS THROAT] 404 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,062 Well, then. 405 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,323 Not going to bush the doctor about the beat too long. 406 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,404 I'm going to come to point to the straight immediately. 407 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,738 Good, good. 408 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,653 My particular prob, or buglem bear, 409 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,698 I've had ages. For years, I've had it for donkeys. 410 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,240 What? 411 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,124 I'm up to here with it, sick to death. 412 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,415 I can't take you any longer, so I've come to see it. 413 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,170 Now, this is your problem with words? 414 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,672 This is my problem with words. 415 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,089 Oh. That seems to have cleared it. 416 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:25,255 J‘ Oh, I come from Alabama With my banjo on my knee J‘ 417 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,423 Yes, that seems to be all right. Thank you very much. 418 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,216 I see. But recently, you have been having 419 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,760 this problem with your word order? 420 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,179 Oh, absolutely. Sometimes, at the end of a sentence, 421 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,722 I'll come out with the wrong fuse box. 422 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,266 Fuse box? 423 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,560 The thing about saying the wrong word is that, A: I don't notice it, 424 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,355 and B: sometimes orange water given bucket of plaster. 425 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,779 Yes. Tell me more about your problem. 426 00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:49,366 Well, as I say, you'll just be talking and out will pudenda the wrong word, 427 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,030 and ashtray's your uncle. 428 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,324 -l'm awfully strawberry about it. -Upset? 429 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,663 It's so embarrassing when my wife and I go to an orgy. 430 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:56,660 A party? 431 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,208 No, an orgy. 432 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,622 -We live in Esher. -Quite. 433 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,800 That's what I said. Feel such a bloody whack the diddle-o. 434 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,719 Folderol fa-di-da, Ioady-doady do, fum-fum. 435 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,723 Mr. Burrows, this is no common problem. 436 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,759 You are suffering from a disease so rare 437 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,018 that it hasn't got a name. Not yet. 438 00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,229 But it will have. Oh, yes. 439 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,686 This is the opportunity I've been waiting for. 440 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,524 The chance of a lifetime. 441 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,482 I'll show them at the Royal College of Surgeons. 442 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,692 I'll make them sit up and take notice. 443 00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,482 Thripshaw's disease. 444 00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,778 Discovered by E. Henry Thripshaw, M.D. 445 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,242 I'll be invited on Call My Bluff. 446 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,827 And the merchandising! 447 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,034 There'll be E. Henry Thripshaw T-shirts. 448 00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:39,374 I'll turn it into a game. I'll sell the film rights! 449 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:42,335 [J‘J‘J‘] 450 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,101 [J‘J‘J‘] 451 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:18,789 That clip 452 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:23,623 comes from the new David O. Seltzer film. 453 00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,337 The author... 454 00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,253 of that film clip 455 00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:30,716 is with me... 456 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,800 now. 457 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,305 Dr. E. Henry... 458 00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:39,263 Thripshaw. 459 00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:43,567 Well, uh-- Uh, I, uh-- I feel that they've missed 460 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,194 the whole point of my, uh-- my disease. 461 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,480 This is... 462 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,482 always the problem... 463 00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:52,777 with directors... 464 00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:56,697 of film... clips. 465 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:02,373 Yes, well, you see, they--they've dragged in all this irrelevant mush. Uh-- 466 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:03,663 What... 467 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,298 are you doing... 468 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:10,465 ...now? 469 00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:13,221 Well, um, at the present moment, I am working on a new disease 470 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:15,474 uh, which I hope to turn into a musical. 471 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:20,096 Um, but, uh, primarily, uh, we are working on--on a remake 472 00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:23,437 of my first disease and this time we're hoping to do it properly. 473 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:24,725 Well... 474 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,065 let's just... 475 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:29,605 take a... 476 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,115 look at this new... 477 00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:33,822 film... 478 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:36,824 clip. 479 00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:39,115 [J‘J‘J‘] 480 00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,422 Well, now, what seems to be the matter? 481 00:23:53,057 --> 00:23:54,718 [SPITS] 482 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,554 The next sketch follows after some silly noises. 483 00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,557 [FLATULENT SOUNDS] 484 00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:02,642 -[CUCKOO CLOCK SOUNDS] -[TAPP|NG] 485 00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,522 [MAN YELLING INDISTINCTLY] 486 00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:06,437 [CHICKENS CLUCKING] 487 00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,148 [CHURCH BELLS RINGING] 488 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:14,362 [CLEARS THROAT] 489 00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,497 -Come in. -Oh. 490 00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,703 I wondered if I could have a word with you for a moment. 491 00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:25,039 By all means. By all means, sir. Do sit down. 492 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,420 Um... 493 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,002 -sit on the desk here. -Oh, thank you. 494 00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:32,043 Now, then, glass of sherry? 495 00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:33,510 Uh, no, thank you. 496 00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:35,136 Are you sure? I'm gonna have some. 497 00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,173 If you're having some, yes, then perhaps, vicar. 498 00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:39,558 Oh, well there's only just enough for me. 499 00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:41,639 Well, in that case, I won't, don't worry. 500 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:44,351 If I split what's left, there'd be hardly any for me at all. 501 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,061 No. Well, I'm not a great sherry drinker. 502 00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:48,146 -Good. So I can have it all. -Um... 503 00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:50,026 Now, then, what's the problem? 504 00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:54,065 Well, just recently I've begun to worry about... 505 00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,236 -well, the last-- -Oh! 506 00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:57,781 -Found another bottle. -Oh. 507 00:24:57,830 --> 00:24:59,240 You can have some now if you want to. 508 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,079 Oh, well, then, yes, perhaps a little. 509 00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:03,039 You don't have to. I can drink a whole bottle. 510 00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:05,076 -Um...in that case, no. -Good. 511 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:06,585 That's another bottle for me. 512 00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:09,246 I've begun to worry recently, that... 513 00:25:09,258 --> 00:25:10,247 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 514 00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:11,419 Come in. 515 00:25:13,053 --> 00:25:14,634 Ah, Mr. Husband. 516 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,466 This is Mr. Kirkham, one of my parishioners. 517 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:19,632 This is Mr. Husband of the British Sherry Corporation. 518 00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:21,971 Look, uh, perhaps I'd better come back later-- 519 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:24,433 No, no, no. Do stay. You won't be long, will you, Husband? 520 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,772 No, vicar, it's just a question of signing a few forms. 521 00:25:26,984 --> 00:25:28,770 There we are. 522 00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,768 There we are, Mr. Husband. How about you, Mr. Kirkham? 523 00:25:30,988 --> 00:25:33,104 Um...well, only if there's enough. 524 00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,730 Oh, well, there's not much now. 525 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:37,445 Oh. Uh, i-in that case, no, lwon't bother. 526 00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:38,784 Good. Right. Right. Now, then, 527 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,282 what is the problem, Husband? 528 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:43,406 Well, vicar, I've made inquiries with our shippers, 529 00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:45,074 and the most sherry they can ship 530 00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:47,994 in any one load is 12,000 gallons. 531 00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:50,458 And how many glasses is that? 532 00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:54,084 That's roughly 540,000 glasses, vicar. 533 00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:55,797 That's excellent, Husband. Excellent. 534 00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,045 Yes. You can still keep your main supply on the roof, 535 00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:01,386 but have an emergency supply underneath the vestry, of 5000 gallons. 536 00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:03,467 I could have dry sherry on the roof, 537 00:26:03,479 --> 00:26:05,470 and amontillado in the underground tank. 538 00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:08,059 -Absolutely. -Excellent work, Husband. Excellent work. 539 00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:09,348 Not at all, vicar. 540 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,641 You're one of our best customers. 541 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:11,687 You and the United States. 542 00:26:11,737 --> 00:26:14,444 [LAUGHS] Bye-bye. 543 00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:17,982 Terrific. Now, then, Mr. Kirkham, I am so sorry. Do go on. 544 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:20,154 Well, i-it's just that recently, I've begun to worry about-- 545 00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:22,035 -Mm-hm. -We|l, look, does the Bible intend--? 546 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:26,165 J‘ Amontillado, amontillado Amontillado J‘ 547 00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:27,499 J‘ Hey, hey, heyJ‘ 548 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:32,129 J‘ Amontillado Amontillado J‘ 549 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:36,087 [SINGING INDISTINCTLY] 550 00:26:38,806 --> 00:26:40,467 [PEOPLE WHOOPING] 551 00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:53,688 [SINGING INDISTINCTLY] 552 00:26:57,491 --> 00:26:59,027 ALL: Olé! 553 00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:00,441 -What did you want? -Dirty books, please. 554 00:27:00,494 --> 00:27:01,529 Right. 555 00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,443 [ALL CHATTERING] 556 00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:08,540 [J‘J‘J‘] 557 00:27:37,239 --> 00:27:39,321 [MUSIC STOPS, PEOPLE CONTINUE CHATTERING LOUDLY] 558 00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:00,376 ANNOUNCER: E. Henry Thripshaw T-shirts are now available 559 00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,169 from BBC Enterprises. 560 00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,588 The price hasn't finally been decided, 561 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,261 and the address to write to, 562 00:28:06,310 --> 00:28:08,301 they haven't yet quite worked out.