ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo ♪ ♪ wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh ♪ ♪ wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh ♪ ♪ wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh wa-ah-ah-oh-oh wa-ah-ah-oh ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jay: fm radio. nice job, you guys. nice job. thanks. thanks, you guys. terrific, terrific. i want to thank my guests -- kathy griffin, david feherty, and, of course, fm radio. monday night, kevin bacon. but jimmy fallon's happening now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television

-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. thank you so much. everybody, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." thank you so much for being here. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] going to be a fun show tonight. going to be fun. here's what people are talking about. we have a three day weekend coming up, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] and good news. good news, i checked the weather report, and it's going to be sunny with a chance of meteors from space. [ laughter ] everybody is talking about this 11-ton meteor that crashed into central russia this morning. it sent shock waves across six cities and caused a lot of damage, or as people from russia put it, at least we weren't stuck on that carnival cruise. [ laughter ] i mean that was -- that sounds --

have you heard about that carnival cruise thing? it's awful. it gets worse. well, they lost power for four days, right. the passengers are fine. but after they got off the ship, their bus actually broke down on its way to new orleans. [ laughter ] when it happened, one guy was like, "what else could go wrong?" and everybody on the bus was like, "stop saying that! just shut up! [ laughter ] sit down!" some political news. the white house announced that president obama is going to florida for presidents' day weekend. obama says he wants to relax with his friends and really freak people out at the hall of presidents. [ laughter ] hello. >> steve: so realistic. >> jimmy: yeah. check this out. yesterday, the ceo of the national rifle association said that president obama took the art of deception to a whole new level in his state of the union address. then, he went back and he was dressed in camouflage to trick deer into thinking he was a tree.

[ laughter ] some big entertainment news. it's rumored that 70-year-old harrison ford will return as hans solo in the new "star wars" movie. [ cheers and applause ] psyched for that. that will be weird when the other characters see how old he's gotten and they're like, "yoda?" [ laughter ] he's a good looking man. i don't see why that's happened. get this, you guys. it's rumored that kathie lee gifford and hoda kotb are arguing -- [ audience ohs ] -- about whether to take their show to l.a. or keep it in new york. >> audience: new york! >> jimmy: it's not good. this morning, they wouldn't slur a single word to each other. [ laughter ] it was a awkward in the makeup chair, yeah. >> steve: i see. >> jimmy: i think it would be good. i mean, they're already used to drinking three hours ahead of everybody else. so, i mean, i think it'd be perfect. [ laughter ] some more celebrity news. brad pitt and angelina jolie are launching their own wine label. their kids are pretty relieved that the only thing they were adopting this time was a hobby. [ laughter ]

and finally, a new app was launched yesterday that deletes any mention of your ex from facebook. manti te'o tried it and was like, "wow, it's like she never existed. it's amazing." [ laughter ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much, everybody. oh, man. i'm not sure if you heard this, but our album, "blow your pants off," won a grammy for best comedy album. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] best comedy album, and -- look what arrived today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] isn't that unbelievable? it's gorgeous, right?

anyway, so i want to thank all the artists that appeared on our album. bruce springsteen, justin timberlake, stephen colbert, brian williams, dave matthews, eddie vedder, big and rich and paul mccartney. [ cheers and applause ] of course, thank you to the roots for performing all of the music on the album. [ cheers and applause ] and everyone at warner brothers, and thanks to all of our fans, this is awesome! we have a grammy award! [ cheers and applause ] whoo-hoo! so exciting. it's awesome. hey, you guys. we have a great show tonight. she is the greatest. she's the best. one of our all-time favorites, a comedy legend. joan rivers is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] i hope we don't have to bleep her again. [ light laughter ] >> steve: oh, you will. >> jimmy: every time she comes on, we have to bleep something out of her. >> steve: it will be a long show -- >> jimmy: and i don't want to do it. i just talked to her. i said, "i don't want to bleep anything," and she slammed the door in my face. [ laughter ]

plus, we love it when this guy stops by. oh, he's good. from "the good wife," josh charles is here! [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from gloriana, everybody! oh, man! [ cheers and applause ] yeah, there she is right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that looks like it got run over by a reindeer. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: does that get run over by a reindeer? >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> steve: your grammy got run over by a -- [ laughter and applause ] i can't help it. i can't -- i don't want to say it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys, today is friday, and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and, of course, i send out "thank you notes." i'm running a bit behind today, so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ]

thank you so much. roots, can i get some "thank you note" writing music, please? ♪ >> steve: ooh. like he's mysterious. >> jimmy: someone's saying something to him. someone's saying something to him. >> steve: wait, do you recognize him? what? no, dada? [ laughter ] papa? papa, it's you. >> jimmy: ah, he's crying. >> steve: dad's crying. >> jimmy: very emotional. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you, banana joe, for being the name of the dog that won the westminster dog show, and also what you'd call joe biden in a speedo. [ laughter ] that's what you'd call him. >> steve: banana joe. >> jimmy: over at the pool at the pool club. >> steve: yeah, at the pool club. where's banana joe? right over there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: banana joe. >> steve: he is the v.p. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: forget it.

♪ >> jimmy: thank you, travel mugs, for being convenient for about 20 minutes and then being something i have to carry all day. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, bifocals, for being focals that are into whatever. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, yeah. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, president obama, for answering questions on google plus. questions like "how do i get back to gmail? i accidentally clicked on google plus." [ laughter ] very tricky. [ applause ] no actual way to get back. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i don't want to be here.

♪ thank you, rocking chairs, for being amusement park rides for old people. [ laughter ] >> steve: whee, whee, whee, whee. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know what he was pouring it into. ♪ thank you, cross-country skiing, for somehow creating a sport out of making it harder to walk. [ laughter and applause ]

♪ thank you, the word finicky, for being a fancy way to describe ass [ bleep ] cats. [ laughter ] that's not nice. >> steve: that's not kind. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, presidents' day, for being a day for remembering our nation's most important leaders. a day of gratitude for all they have done. a day so important to me, that i had to write a song about it. [ cheers and applause ] love the presidents. can i get a beat? ♪ i'm gonna drink on sunday drinking, drinking sunday i don't have to work on monday ♪ ♪ happy birthday presidents ♪

♪ great vacation celebration destination intoxication inebriation across the nation ♪ ♪ happy birthday presidents ♪ ♪ god, i love the presidents so there'll be no hesitance on belly shots of rumplemintz ♪ ♪ happy birthday presidents ♪ >> jimmy: presidents' day, yee-hoo. [ cheers and applause ] you know, if george washington were alive today, he'd probably say, "good god, i'm 281 years old, why can't i die?" [ laughter ] one, two, one, two, three. ♪ here's to bush and his father cheers to clinton and obama ♪ ♪ please legalize marijuana [ cheers and applause ] happy birthday presidents ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

[ sings hail to the chief ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with "night news now!" come on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] what's the point of an epa estimated 42 miles per gallon if the miles aren't interesting? the lexus ct hybrid. this is the pursuit of perfection. [ male announcer ] know the feeling? try acuvue® oasys brand contact lenses

with hydraclear® plus for exceptional comfort. it feels like it disappeared on my eye! [ male announcer ] discover why it's the brand eye doctors trust most for comfort. acuvue® oasys brand. but that doesn't happen much anymore. the creative process never stops. and songwriting is so hard, but i love it. these days, i guess i just don't want to miss a thing. [ laughs ] i miss you guys. that's me. and this is my windows phone. [ male announcer ] now get a windows phone 8x by htc for just $99.99 at verizon.

[ male announcer ] now get a windows phone 8x by htc for over 75 years people ...with geico... ohhh...sorry!. director's voice: here we go. from the top. and action for over 75 years people have saved money with gecko so.... director's voice: cut it! ...what...what did i say? gecko? i said gecko? aw... for over 75 year...(laughs. but still trying to keep it contained) director's voice: keep it together. i'm good. i'm good. for over 75...(uncontrollable lahtuger). what are you doing there? stop making me laugh. vo: geico. saving people money for over seventy-five years. gecko: don't look at me. don't look at me. there's nothing like our grilled lobster and lobster tacos.

the bar harbor bake is really worth trying. [ male announcer ] get more during red lobster's lobsterfest. with the year's largest selection of mouth-watering lobster entrees. like our delicious lobster lover's dream, featuring two kinds of succulent lobster tails. or our savory, new grilled maine lobster and lobster tacos. it's back, but not for long. [ woman ] our guests go crazy for lobsterfest. my favorite entree is the lobster lover's dream. what's yours? come celebrate lobsterfest and sea food differently. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. now it is time to take a look at the news of the now, the news of today and the news of the now. it's time for "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] >> tonight on "night news now" -- angelina jolie says what she thinks about a football quarterback covered in oil. >> i think it's a hard thing to tackle. >> scarlett johansson says "my, you know, my, my, my, my." >> my, you know, my, my, my, my. >> and john boehner is asked if he would ever give a raccoon a foot rub. >> no! >> it's time for "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, and let's see what's happening. r & b artist, frank ocean, sang beautifully during his performance at the grammys last sunday. but, it took a turn towards the end of the song when he realized he never learned how to whistle. take a look. ♪

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in sports, the 2013 pga tour got under way recently. and here to fill us in is our gulf reporter, hank nevins. hank? >> thanks, jimmy. what an exciting year it's going to be in the tour. after brandt snedeker's two stroke victory in the at&t pebble beach national pro-am on sunday -- >> jimmy: i'm -- i'm -- i'm going to interrupt you for a second, hank, because i'm bored. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now it's time to check the polls. let's take a look at a recent gallup poll. yep, it looks like most

galloping is still done predominantly by horses. [ light laughter ] in move news, the latest from the "die hard" series hit theaters nationwide today. so, here to give his review of the film, here's our movie reviewer stan melcher. stan? >> thank you, jimmy. this was a great movie. "a good day to die hard" tells the story of a family of cartoon lions living in the deserts of africa. one of the central characters, king mufasa, tells his son, simba, that he will one day be the lion king. "a good day to die hard" has some memorable musical numbers like "the circle of life" and my personal favorite, "hakuna matata." [ laughter ] there's also a great scene where a young bruce willis is hoisted into the air in a touching image of pride and joy. i give the film three out of five stars, and i look forward to checking out the other films in the "die hard" series, "aladdin" and "the little mermaid." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, stan. [ cheers and applause ]

folks, today is the birthday of legendary inventor, galileo. to honor him here is our "night news now" artist's interpretation of how we think he would celebrate his birthday if he were sill around today. [ laughter ] happy birthday, old friend. [ applause ] and now it's time for our fast food review. so here with a review of the chicken and chorizo fajita, is the micro machine's guy, john moschitta jr. john? [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, jimmy. this chicken and chorizo fajita is busting with chunks of cheesy chicken and chopped charred chorizo packed with piping peppers and splashed with salty soy sauce. it's a fajita that's so full of fantastic flavor that will tickle your tongue and tingle your taste buds like a twisty tornado of tasty temptation. so, don't forget to wash down the spicy with some beer and some icey, and it won't hurt to have some dessert, so indulge in some dulce de leche, or make a plan for some flan. so i give my favorite fajita four out of five fingers for that lovely lunch that lovers to linger. back to you, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, john. [ applause ]

folks, i want to take a moment to welcome back our cameraman, rob martin, who has been out the last couple of weeks recovering from plastic surgery to fix his nose. so, welcome back, rob. how are you feeling? >> i'm doing well, jimmy. [ laughter ] much more confident now. >> jimmy: good to hear. [ laughter ] happy to have you back on board. [ cheers and applause ] and now, for a report on what not to do next valentine's day based on what happened this year is darren durgis. darren? >> thanks, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, jimmy. yeah, so here are some things not to do next year. first -- don't give your date a mix tape with her name written on top of your old girlfriend's name. even if both their names begin with "k." she's going to see the other letters after "k."

also, don't tell your date she can order whatever she wants as long as it's cheap and it won't make her breath stink. [ laughter ] like even if you think that, don't say it. [ laughter ] and finally, at dinner, don't tell your girlfriend that your mashed potatoes remind you of her breasts. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] not a compliment, apparently. [ laughter ] whatever. i don't even know anymore. back to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, darren. [ cheers and applause ] now, folks, i've said it before, but this bears repeating. [ growling ] [ cheers and applause ]

finally, the nba all-star weekend kicks off today, and while we don't know what will happen this weekend, we do know that this is what lebron james would look like if his face were turned upside down. >> oh -- everybody has been like, 75% love. >> does that factor in? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was "night news now." stick around. we'll be right back with joan rivers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] what did i do with my last fii was a dietician..... a housekeeper... a pediatrician... yeah, that was a third degree booboo a housekeeper... a sanitation engineer... a housekeeper... good thing i had 5-hour energy to keep me going. what will you do with your next five hours?

♪ i got it made, i got it made ♪ i got it made ♪ fresh at subway ♪ breakfast made the way i say [ male announcer ] at subway, you got breakfast made. like an under 200 calorie steak egg white & cheese. subway. eat fresh. like an under 200 calorie steak egg white & cheese. hershey's drops. perfectly bite sized drops of rich & creamy chocolate happiness. when the chocolate is hershey's, life is delicious. guys, we need to leave ourhem. contract plan for net10 wireless. doug's family doesn't have that. we aren't doug's family. i can't be seen on some pre-paid phone!! you could have any of these top smartphones at half the cost of our plan. use positive reinforcement. we just wanted to fit in. you fit in right here. welcome to the next generation of family plans. fifty dollars the first line,