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May 23, 2014
05/14
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. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: but this is one of those gas bills that's going to linger. >> steve: you think so. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: those are the worst. you know what i heard? >> jimmy: what's up? >> steve: i heard when they were touring the factory -- >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: there was an explosion. they heard some sort of explosive sound. >> jimmy: how does that sound like? what does the explosive sound like? >> jimmy: something like -- something like that maybe. i don't know i wasn't there and i'm not an expert in explosions. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: so, they looked over -- >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> steve: and apparently in one of the pipes, there was a a crack. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and that's where -- that's where the gas was leaking out of. >> steve: yeah, broken -- some wind had come and broken in the gas -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: broke wind. it broke from the wind. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and, yeah. i mean, this whole -- this whole gas bill thing stinks and -- [ laughter ] but, of course,
. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: but this is one of those gas bills that's going to linger. >> steve: you think so. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: those are the worst. you know what i heard? >> jimmy: what's up? >> steve: i heard when they were touring the factory -- >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: there was an explosion. they heard some sort of explosive sound. >> jimmy: how does that sound like? what does the explosive sound like? >> jimmy:...
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May 22, 2014
05/14
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>> steve: all right. gentlemen, ready? >> ready! >> steve: set. go! >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey old man. [ laughter ] >> oh, no! no! oh! yeah! scoreboard! yeah! ha! >> jimmy: ah! [ cheers ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hugh jackman right there! "x-men: days of future past" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with jimmy page. ♪ ifyou may be muddlingble withrough allergies.nger... try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin. because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. zyrtec®. muddle no more™. and applebee's new grilled vidalia onion sirloin with that fresh-from-the-farm, sweet vidalia onion taste takes you straight to your summer happy place. [ man ] whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ [ male announcer ] hey, it looks like someone ordered right. tangy barbecue sauce and sweet vidalia onions. in season now. taste of summer entrees now start at just $9.99. another fresh reason to see you tomorrow. at applebee's. and see you late night for half-price apps. ain all its naked
>> steve: all right. gentlemen, ready? >> ready! >> steve: set. go! >> oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey old man. [ laughter ] >> oh, no! no! oh! yeah! scoreboard! yeah! ha! >> jimmy: ah! [ cheers ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hugh jackman right there! "x-men: days of future past" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with jimmy page. ♪ ifyou may be muddlingble withrough allergies.nger... try...
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May 29, 2014
05/14
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no real clowns. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: yeah, no. just famous voices. >> steve: okay. james earl jones? >> jimmy: james earl jones, okay. he's interested. i've heard from his agent. [ laughter ] >> steve: morgan freeman as clown god. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he said he might do it. he's on the fence. >> steve: he's not for sure. >> jimmy: i have to talk to his agent. >> steve: i mean, this is big. >> jimmy: yeah, this is giant. [ laughter ] and finally, you guys, this is -- we'll talk about this later. this was getting big on youtube today. i guess this dad was filming his son and he asked his son to name all the bad words he knew. and watch the kid's response. >> tell me all the bad words you know. go. >> crap. shut up. butthead. butthole. and -- butt crack. and -- [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: there we go. [ applause ] i have a feeling he's going to learn a few more words when his mother sees what daddy put up on youtube. we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, everybody. oh, man. this feels good. >>
no real clowns. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: yeah, no. just famous voices. >> steve: okay. james earl jones? >> jimmy: james earl jones, okay. he's interested. i've heard from his agent. [ laughter ] >> steve: morgan freeman as clown god. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he said he might do it. he's on the fence. >> steve: he's not for sure. >> jimmy: i have to talk to his agent. >> steve: i mean, this is big. >> jimmy: yeah, this is...
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May 2, 2014
05/14
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. >> steve: 'lil time off. >> jimmy: like 'lil wayne. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: a 'lil. >> steve: a 'lil. >> jimmy: a 'lil time off from his reelection campaign and going to go rehab. and we've done a lot of the rob ford jokes in the past. but actually, we're glad he's getting some help. and you know what? they have tvs in rehab. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: so if you are watching this mayor ford, we hope some of these jokes cheer you up. [ laughter ] here we go. [ cheers and applause ] you can tell rob ford is turning things around because now when he's holding a pipe in the basement, it is because he's fixing a leak. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's right. now rob ford, he drinks coke. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: it's very interesting. ♪ now his favorite rock is chris. ♪ [ honk ] [ cheers and applause ] [ imitating chris rock ] >> jimmy: "smoking crack." [ imitating chris rock ] "basement crack! not even upstairs crack. got a dirty crack, basement crack! crack is rob ford smoking basement crack." now the only crack in his pocket is on his iphone. ♪ hashtag the panda everybody,
. >> steve: 'lil time off. >> jimmy: like 'lil wayne. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: a 'lil. >> steve: a 'lil. >> jimmy: a 'lil time off from his reelection campaign and going to go rehab. and we've done a lot of the rob ford jokes in the past. but actually, we're glad he's getting some help. and you know what? they have tvs in rehab. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: so if you are watching this mayor ford, we hope some of these jokes cheer you up. [...
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May 15, 2014
05/14
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it's hard out here for a b word. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: that's her song. >> steve: bite? >> steve: that's the song. it's a good jam. it basically is a song about how it's hard to be a female entertainer. because sex sells. >> steve: true. >> jimmy: but that's what it's about. ♪ ♪ shake my ass for you 'cause i've got a brain if i told you 'bout my sex life, you'd ♪ ♪ call me a slut when boys be talkin' about their bitches, no one's makin' a fuss ♪ ♪ there's a glass ceilin' to break, uh-huh, there's money to make ♪ ♪ and now it's time to speed it up ♪ >> jimmy: fantastic. that's happening tonight. lily allen. >> steve: what! >> jimmy: performance tonight. [ cheers and applause ] smash hit song. so good for her. she's right. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah. you guys, as you know we're always striving to get better here at the "tonight show." ♪ harder, better faster, stronger ♪ [ laughter and applause ] so before every show we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show. things you'd like to see
it's hard out here for a b word. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: that's her song. >> steve: bite? >> steve: that's the song. it's a good jam. it basically is a song about how it's hard to be a female entertainer. because sex sells. >> steve: true. >> jimmy: but that's what it's about. ♪ ♪ shake my ass for you 'cause i've got a brain if i told you 'bout my sex life, you'd ♪ ♪ call me a slut when boys be talkin' about their bitches, no one's makin' a fuss...
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May 17, 2014
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rethink that idea. >> steve: yeah. equal themed limericks. >> jimmy: i thought this was a a sweet story here. three roommates have returned more than $40,000 that belonged to an elderly woman after they found the money in her old couch that they bought at a a thrift store. [ audience aws ] it got weird when the woman was like, "what happened to the weed? [ laughter ] "that's where i put my weed." [ laughter ] you guys may have heard about this. after the success of "the sound of music" last year, nbc just announced that they are planning to do more live musicals starting with "peter pan" and "the music man." >> tariq: i'm disappointed they're not doing a "tonight show" miracle. >> jimmy: me too. maybe next year. [ audience aws ] >> tariq: yeah. maybe next year, jimmy. [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ i'm so sad i'm so sad don't know what i'm gonna do ♪ ♪ i'm so mad i feel had this isn't the show i want to do ♪ ♪ i want to sing i want to sing and show nbc what i can do ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ someday soon yes
rethink that idea. >> steve: yeah. equal themed limericks. >> jimmy: i thought this was a a sweet story here. three roommates have returned more than $40,000 that belonged to an elderly woman after they found the money in her old couch that they bought at a a thrift store. [ audience aws ] it got weird when the woman was like, "what happened to the weed? [ laughter ] "that's where i put my weed." [ laughter ] you guys may have heard about this. after the success of...
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May 31, 2014
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>> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: it just sounds creepy. >> steve: taste the rainbow. >> jimmy: stop saying that. ♪ thank you, spring, for being nature's version of puberty. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, friends who send e-mail updates about the marathon their running for charity. for basically saying, here's an e-mail to make you feel like a a lazy and terrible person. good luck. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, brunch, for being alcoholism with a a side of toast. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, come on. >> jimmy: they make the best bloody marys here. >> steve: it's my third bloody mary. >> jimmy: this is my fifth bloody mary -- >> steve: we're done with break. >> jimmy: it's our cigarette break. i got to eat four palmals. [ laughter ] do they still make palmals? >> steve: yeah, they still make palmals. >> jimmy: they do? >> steve: oh hell yeah. >> jimmy: my grandma -- smokes palmals. >> steve:did she smoke straights or filtered? >> jimmy: no straights man. yeah, it's cra
>> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: it just sounds creepy. >> steve: taste the rainbow. >> jimmy: stop saying that. ♪ thank you, spring, for being nature's version of puberty. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, friends who send e-mail updates about the marathon their running for charity. for basically saying, here's an e-mail to make you feel like a a lazy and terrible person. good luck. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, brunch, for being...
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May 30, 2014
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. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: you call cash for gold. >> steve: yeah? >> jimmy: send them your monster cable. >> steve: yeah? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they'll give you more cash. they'll give you stacks of cash. >> steve: they'll give you like a cubic yard of cash. they'll give you enough cash to go buy more monster cable. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: it's like a a never-ending cycle. >> jimmy: it's like an investment in the future. >> steve: dvd. dvd, baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? hey, call this 1-900 number. >> steve: yeah? >> jimmy: i'm a little bit crazy, man. drive you nuts. feels like a crazy -- is that like old-timey phone? >> steve: old-timey phone. [ laughter ] [ ring ] hello. >> steve: hello? is this the party line? >> jimmy: no. >> steve: you know there's a a party. i'm wearing a one-piece. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @rmharris3488. he says, "my six year-old son calls me by my first name instead of daddy. this morning he walked into the kitchen, said, 'what's for breakfast, ron?'" [ laughter ] that's pret
. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: you call cash for gold. >> steve: yeah? >> jimmy: send them your monster cable. >> steve: yeah? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they'll give you more cash. they'll give you stacks of cash. >> steve: they'll give you like a cubic yard of cash. they'll give you enough cash to go buy more monster cable. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: it's like a a never-ending cycle. >> jimmy: it's...
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May 21, 2014
05/14
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car -- >> steve: king, queen, king. >> jimmy: "game of thrones." >> steve: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "game of thrones." >> steve: "game of thrones." >> jimmy: "game of thrones." oh my god. our thanks to steve higgins, josh hartnett, charlize theron, "a million ways to die in the west" is out may 30th. josh and i are going to talk after the break. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ when was the last time your wireless company made you feel like this? or this? the new cricket wireless believes you should be doing... a lot more of this. so we don't have any of those silly annual contracts. but we do have a whole lot of coverage. all for just $35 dollars a month; after a $5 credit for using auto pay. so everyone can feel like this! the new cricket wireless. something to smile about. [ female announcer ] neutrogena® pore refining cleanser. alpha-hydroxy and exfoliating beads work to clean and tighten pores so they can look half their size. pores...shrink 'em down to size! [ female announcer ] pore refining cleanser. neutrogena®. going so
car -- >> steve: king, queen, king. >> jimmy: "game of thrones." >> steve: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "game of thrones." >> steve: "game of thrones." >> jimmy: "game of thrones." oh my god. our thanks to steve higgins, josh hartnett, charlize theron, "a million ways to die in the west" is out may 30th. josh and i are going to talk after the break. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪...
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May 13, 2014
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>> steve: aw snap! >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] this one's from kelly marsh in amherst, massachusetts. she was looking at a restaurant menu online. saw something interesting here. we got subs. there look in the right hand column. buffalo wing sub made with children blue cheese and hot sauce. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: and freddy kruger's the chef. [ laughter ] >> steve: hannibal lector's in town. >> jimmy: fava beans. >> steve: ooh, chianti. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and finally this last screen grab was sent into us by erin nicolochi in highland -- high lands ranch, colorado. she was checking out some tv listings. let's see what's on everybody. big, dick tracy. [ laughter ] there ya go. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: weiner tower. [ clapping ] weiner tower. [ clapping ] >> jimmy: that's all we have for screen grabs. if you have a funny screen grab, email it to us at screengrabs@tonightshow.com and we might put it on the show. stick around. we'll be right back with louis c.k. [ cheers and ap
>> steve: aw snap! >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] this one's from kelly marsh in amherst, massachusetts. she was looking at a restaurant menu online. saw something interesting here. we got subs. there look in the right hand column. buffalo wing sub made with children blue cheese and hot sauce. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! >> jimmy: and freddy kruger's the chef. [ laughter ] >> steve: hannibal lector's in town. >> jimmy: fava beans. >> steve: ooh, chianti....
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May 3, 2014
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. >> steve: from nasa? >> jimmy: if you're nasty. >> steve: oh, okay. i missed it. >> jimmy: chris kattan would get it. [ laughter ] old reference. ♪ thank you may the 4th for being the perfect holiday for "star wars" fans as well as people with lisps. may the forth be with you. [ laughter ] thar warth. >> steve: thar warth. i love thee-three-p-o. [ applause ] luke thkywalker. the death thar. the thith. may thith. >> jimmy: revenge of the thith. >> steve: revenge of the thith. [ laughter ] i love it. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you petco aquariums for being like death row for goldfish. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] i know but it's true. [ laughter ] that is the thing, i agree with you. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you netflix for letting me watch important life changing documentaries while going to the bathroom. there you guys go. those are my thank you notes. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nobody told us to expect it... intercourse that's painful due to menopausal changes. the problem isn't likely to go away... ..
. >> steve: from nasa? >> jimmy: if you're nasty. >> steve: oh, okay. i missed it. >> jimmy: chris kattan would get it. [ laughter ] old reference. ♪ thank you may the 4th for being the perfect holiday for "star wars" fans as well as people with lisps. may the forth be with you. [ laughter ] thar warth. >> steve: thar warth. i love thee-three-p-o. [ applause ] luke thkywalker. the death thar. the thith. may thith. >> jimmy: revenge of the thith....
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May 7, 2014
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>> steve: what! >> jimmy: this is a good week. [ cheers and applause ] that's a fun song that tune yard jam. tonight though, this guy's officially -- he makes the funniest movie in the world. this movie, "neighbors." i'm telling you, it's going to destroy. it's so hilariously funny but also very sweet. i was laughing and crying. [ laughter ] but i'm a very emotional guy. seth rogan is here you guys. [ cheers and applause ] he's a funny, funny guy. >> steve: love that dude. >> jimmy: it's a funny, funny movie. >> steve: he's a delight. >> jimmy: plus, he stars in the new hbo film. he's amazing in it, "the normal heart." matt bomer is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and you want good music? you guys like good music? [ cheers and applause ] we have it tonight! >> steve: what! >> jimmy: i've known this band, not before they were famous, but after they were famous. but -- [ laughter ] -- still a long time. >> steve: yeah, a long time. >> jimmy: i can't take credit for any of their success. >> steve:
>> steve: what! >> jimmy: this is a good week. [ cheers and applause ] that's a fun song that tune yard jam. tonight though, this guy's officially -- he makes the funniest movie in the world. this movie, "neighbors." i'm telling you, it's going to destroy. it's so hilariously funny but also very sweet. i was laughing and crying. [ laughter ] but i'm a very emotional guy. seth rogan is here you guys. [ cheers and applause ] he's a funny, funny guy. >> steve: love that...
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May 10, 2014
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i ever met. >> steve: happiest guy i've ever met. >> jimmy: yep. >> steve: happiest place on earth. not disneyland. james's head. [ laughter ] lot of stuff going on in that old poyser. ♪ thank you, new report that found that nintendo has lost over a billion dollars in the last three years, or to put it in nintendo terms -- [ mario bros. sound effect ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, roger federer for welcoming your second set of twins this week and proving you're also pretty good at doubles. [ laughter ] second set of twins. [ applause ] >> steve: he won the second set. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, graduation gowns, for basically saying this is one of the most important days of your life. so dress in your finest clothing then throw this loose fitting garbage sack over the top of it. [ cheers and applause ] wear the square hat too. that's what the smart people wear. >> steve: smart people wear da hat. >> jimmy: they wear da square hat. >> steve: you can put da little banner over da ribbon. [ laughter ] james graduated from good times university, right? [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimm
i ever met. >> steve: happiest guy i've ever met. >> jimmy: yep. >> steve: happiest place on earth. not disneyland. james's head. [ laughter ] lot of stuff going on in that old poyser. ♪ thank you, new report that found that nintendo has lost over a billion dollars in the last three years, or to put it in nintendo terms -- [ mario bros. sound effect ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, roger federer for welcoming your second set of twins this week and proving you're...
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May 20, 2014
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. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: so, it's going to be the best thing you ever seen. >> jimmy: it's the best thing he's ever seen. >> steve: because he's in a a dungeon. >> jimmy: yes, he's now trapped in a dungeon. he built himself a prison. >> steve: hey. j.k. rowling. >> jimmy: j.k. rowling. anyways, the guy is a genius and apparently it looks great. the have real bar, what is it the leaky caldron? that's an actual bar you can go in and order beer and stuff. butter beer. >> steve: butter beer, butter beer. >> jimmy: children, do not drink butter beer. they got have the hogwarts express. and you know in the movie you can disappear if you go to nine and three quarters? you know you go in and you -- you can do that and disappear somehow. an illusion or something. but, i'm totally down do this. we're going to do all that stuff. we got roller coasters. anyways, if you are in the area. get your tickets now. we're going to be down there ready to party. come check us out. it's going to be
. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: so, it's going to be the best thing you ever seen. >> jimmy: it's the best thing he's ever seen. >> steve: because he's in a a dungeon. >> jimmy: yes, he's now trapped in a dungeon. he built himself a prison. >> steve: hey. j.k. rowling. >> jimmy: j.k. rowling. anyways, the guy is a genius and apparently it looks great. the have real bar, what is it the leaky caldron? that's an actual...
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May 9, 2014
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>> steve: they're like droid. >> jimmy: he's always on the d-rod. >> steve: he's always, 24/7. droid. >> jimmy: this last one's from @ceevaughnhake015. she says, "i heard my mom say 'i love you.' i replied 'i love you too.' she said 'i'm sorry, i was talking to the dog.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: there we have it, some "tonight show" hashtags. check out more of our favorites go to tonight show.com/hashtags. or submit yours by downloading our "tonight show" app available on itunes and for android. stick around. be right back with michael fassbender, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ introducing new johnny appleseed hard apple cider. inspired by the man himself. a refreshingly sweet and intense hard cider with a crisp apple bite. best served on the rocks and among friends. johnny appleseed is the refreshingly sweet and intense choice of those with a story to tell. so try a johnny appleseed hard cider tonight and let the stories flow. welcome to the toyota time sales event. we're looking for something safe with a really smooth ride. he's a very light sleeper. oh,
>> steve: they're like droid. >> jimmy: he's always on the d-rod. >> steve: he's always, 24/7. droid. >> jimmy: this last one's from @ceevaughnhake015. she says, "i heard my mom say 'i love you.' i replied 'i love you too.' she said 'i'm sorry, i was talking to the dog.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: there we have it, some "tonight show" hashtags. check out more of our favorites go to tonight show.com/hashtags. or submit yours by...
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May 24, 2014
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." >> steve: look at him. [ laughter ] look at the eyes. >> jimmy: maybe it is the eyes. >> steve: kirk, you will die. kirk. [ laughter ] yikes. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the new mcdonald's happy meal mascot called "happy" for looking like a california raisin had sex with a lego. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, kids love legos. >> jimmy: you need to sell a a happy meal? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: you get a toy in it. you got a burger and a toy. >> steve: come on, i'm a kid. >> jimmy: i'm a kid, i want to make sure they have a spokesman there. ♪ thank you, the roots's new album "and then your shoot your cousin" for being a lot better than last week's release of "and then you kick your brother-in-law." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's a good record. >> steve: good record. excellent. >> jimmy: it's good record. [ sound effects ] >> steve: ghosts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i beat you, i beat you. ♪ thank you, heat, pacers, spurs and thunder, for sounding less like nba playoff teams and more like a row of male strip clubs. [ laughter ] this weekend at spurs, all you can drink. >> steve:
." >> steve: look at him. [ laughter ] look at the eyes. >> jimmy: maybe it is the eyes. >> steve: kirk, you will die. kirk. [ laughter ] yikes. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the new mcdonald's happy meal mascot called "happy" for looking like a california raisin had sex with a lego. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, kids love legos. >> jimmy: you need to sell a a happy meal? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: you get a toy in it. you got a burger and...
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May 1, 2014
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. >> steve: great team. >> jimmy: the other team we have, the wyoming the whole foods. >> steve: that's good. >> jimmy: all of the basketballs are organic. that's why it's more expensive. then we have the oregon off beat clappers. everybody goes. go team. go, go, go team. love that hip-hop music. and we have the austin paula deans. [ laughter ] that's a great. really good -- should be a good league. [ applause ] well our friend rob ford is back in the news. we love that guy. [ cheers and applause ] this is unbelievable. so he claimed that he has reduced spending by $1.1 billion during his time in office. but it turns he was off by more than $200 million. [ laughter ] ford was like, "oops, i guess i used bad meth -- math." [ laughter ] there's no such thing as bad meth. of course another big story is the conflict with russia. yesterday russia's deputy prime minister said the white house should reverse its sanctions or else his country won't help nasa. yeah and this is true. he said astronauts will have to using a trampoline to t to space. [ laughter ] is it just me or is it that one gold
. >> steve: great team. >> jimmy: the other team we have, the wyoming the whole foods. >> steve: that's good. >> jimmy: all of the basketballs are organic. that's why it's more expensive. then we have the oregon off beat clappers. everybody goes. go team. go, go, go team. love that hip-hop music. and we have the austin paula deans. [ laughter ] that's a great. really good -- should be a good league. [ applause ] well our friend rob ford is back in the news. we love that...
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May 8, 2014
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i mean -- >> steve: wait, what? >> jimmy: and then finally we have -- there is "one spliff, two spliff, red spliff, blue -- wait, what were we talking about?" [ laughter and applause ] kids shouldn't be able to read those. finally, the new season of "the bachelorette" premiers in just a few weeks. i love "the bachelorette." love "the bachelor," love "the bachelorette." so last night i saw a sneak peek of some of the new contestants. check this out. >> monday, may 19th with 25 new bachelors, andi's got a lot of names to remember. >> my name is emil. e-m-i-l. >> very interesting. >> it's anal with an m. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, manal? what's this? the guy who's wearing the necktie was like, "my name is mike. that's like anal, but pronounced mike." we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody, right there. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh we got a big show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] fun show. >> steve: great show. >> jimmy: good stuff. before we get started i want
i mean -- >> steve: wait, what? >> jimmy: and then finally we have -- there is "one spliff, two spliff, red spliff, blue -- wait, what were we talking about?" [ laughter and applause ] kids shouldn't be able to read those. finally, the new season of "the bachelorette" premiers in just a few weeks. i love "the bachelorette." love "the bachelor," love "the bachelorette." so last night i saw a sneak peek of some of the new contestants....
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. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: j. lo doesn't know anything about it. >> steve: okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but, we'll discuss it. and on friday, oh man we love her so much. drew barrymore is here, she's teaming up with adam sandler again in a funny new movie called "blended." so drew will be here on friday. we're gonna do something fun with her. plus, we have performances from lily allen, and the cast of the ten-time tony nominated hit broadway musical, "a gentleman's guide to love and murder," it's gonna be a good week. [ cheers and applause ] so watch us all week, it's fun. but first, we have a fantastic show tonight, we're excited to have her here for the second night in a row, we have another import from nashville. dolly parton is going to talk, and perform a song from her new album "blue smoke." [ cheers and applause ] dolly is the best. she's so pretty, so nice, and so fun and talented. we just love having dolly parton anywhere around. we'll have dolly week. [ applause ] we should have dolly parton week. everyb
. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: j. lo doesn't know anything about it. >> steve: okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but, we'll discuss it. and on friday, oh man we love her so much. drew barrymore is here, she's teaming up with adam sandler again in a funny new movie called "blended." so drew will be here on friday. we're gonna do something fun with her. plus, we have performances from lily allen, and the cast of the ten-time tony nominated hit broadway musical, "a...
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May 22, 2014
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. >> steve: the rink. >> jimmy: yeah, not the ring. you step in the rink with me. [ laughter ] >> steve: you would fight the hockey players? >> jimmy: no, i can't play hockey. i like montreal, but you know, they challenged me to this bet. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: they bet that the rangers are going lose. that's the new york rangers. i can't let that happen. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: so this thursday in new york, go rangers. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, this is cool. i saw that pope francis is going to bring a rabbi and a a muslim leader with him when he travels to the holy land this week. or as bartenders put it, we've been expecting you. [ laughter ] finally. the pope, a rabbi -- [ laughter ] this isn't good. kraft is recalling more than one million cases of cottage
. >> steve: the rink. >> jimmy: yeah, not the ring. you step in the rink with me. [ laughter ] >> steve: you would fight the hockey players? >> jimmy: no, i can't play hockey. i like montreal, but you know, they challenged me to this bet. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: they bet that the rangers are going lose. that's the new york rangers. i can't let that happen. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: so this thursday in new york, go rangers. [ cheers and applause ]...
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May 16, 2014
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>> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: also tonight -- it's just so great to be in this city. don't you love new york city so much? this is my favorite city in the whole wide world. well, great to be here because we get to have the talents of broadway right down the street from us. and it's great. if you haven't seen a broadway play, go check out any play. i think broadway.com, you get tickets. but this show right here, tonight, "a gentleman's guide to love and murder." it's tonight. we're going to see it right here. [ applause ] they're nominated for 10 tonys. >> steve: 10 tonys. >> jimmy: 10 tony -- the most of any show out there right now on broadway. it got nominated for ten. and the story is about a a british commoner who realizes that he has a shot at becoming an earl. okay, so all you have to do is murder eight members of the wealthy family in order to get that title. >> steve: there you go. >> jimmy: that's a big hit show. and i'm so happy they're here. "a gentleman's guide to love
>> steve: come on! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: also tonight -- it's just so great to be in this city. don't you love new york city so much? this is my favorite city in the whole wide world. well, great to be here because we get to have the talents of broadway right down the street from us. and it's great. if you haven't seen a broadway play, go check out any play. i think broadway.com, you get tickets. but this show right here, tonight, "a gentleman's guide to love and...
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May 27, 2014
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emma stone on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: lovely, lovely. >> jimmy: stone bone. >> steve: stone bone. >> jimmy: stone bone on the show. we have robinson cano. [ cheers and applause ] we love him. keith urban is rocking it out on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] that's the type of show -- unbelievable. but welcome everybody. let's get to some news here. here's what people are talking about. of course it is donald sterling. [ audience boos ] he's not here. [ laughter ] well, i guess he's the owner of the l.a. clippers basketball team. and he was recorded telling his girlfriend not to hang out with black people, after she posted a picture with magic johnson on instagram. sterling says it was a a misunderstanding. he's not sure when the recording was made. and he doesn't want magic johnson at his games. [ light laughter ] even mel gibson was like, "just stop talking. [ laughter ] just stop -- just stop talking. [ applause ] just go -- hang out -- let's -- he didn't mean that. just go somewhere. hang out." and i guess some people are actually defending sterling saying
emma stone on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: lovely, lovely. >> jimmy: stone bone. >> steve: stone bone. >> jimmy: stone bone on the show. we have robinson cano. [ cheers and applause ] we love him. keith urban is rocking it out on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] that's the type of show -- unbelievable. but welcome everybody. let's get to some news here. here's what people are talking about. of course it is donald sterling. [ audience boos ] he's...
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May 6, 2014
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[ laughter ] >> steve: why would you? >> jimmy: why would you tweet that. >> steve: why would you tweet that? >> jimmy: today though it was back to business for the president. and apparently this morning he met with the president of the country djibouti. [ laughter ] then biden was like kim kardashian's here? [ laughter ] i didn't even get a djibouti call. shake shake shake, shake shake shake. no, biden, stop it. get out of here. get out of here. if you can't handle this meeting, get out. [ laughter ] my body's djibouti-licious -- get outta -- hey. [ laughter ] other big news. the kentucky derby. did you guys watch the derby this weekend? [ chee exciting. won the race with a time of 2 minutes and 3 seconds. after the race california chrome was pretty tired but still had enough energy for an interview. and he had this to say. feels great to come in first. i trained all year for this. i believe in myself and what can i say, i did it. oh yeah, and one more thing. none of what i said is true because i have no idea what was ha
[ laughter ] >> steve: why would you? >> jimmy: why would you tweet that. >> steve: why would you tweet that? >> jimmy: today though it was back to business for the president. and apparently this morning he met with the president of the country djibouti. [ laughter ] then biden was like kim kardashian's here? [ laughter ] i didn't even get a djibouti call. shake shake shake, shake shake shake. no, biden, stop it. get out of here. get out of here. if you can't handle this...
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May 18, 2014
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warriors hired steve ker. he was an espn announcer. >> they are switching spots. >> can't afford him. that is the biggest lie i have heard in a long time. $1,000 and i will do it. when we come back we have a lot cooking just for you. you heard where mark jackson ended up. we have more details of how steve kerr ended up in oakland. we have the running of the preakness stakes. will we get a triple crown winner? spoiler alert, the triple crown is still alive. >>> welcome back to nbc bay area. 39 years, make it 36 years since we have had a triple crown winner. there is a 3-year-old horse named california chrome who could make history. california chrome won the kentucky derby and today he entered the starting gate in the second leg of the triple crown, the preakness. 139th running of the preakness. seth curry hanging out with tom brady. california chrome was the three to five favorite. all eyes on that number 3 horse and the jockey victor espinosa. decent start for california chrome but best work on the back stretc
warriors hired steve ker. he was an espn announcer. >> they are switching spots. >> can't afford him. that is the biggest lie i have heard in a long time. $1,000 and i will do it. when we come back we have a lot cooking just for you. you heard where mark jackson ended up. we have more details of how steve kerr ended up in oakland. we have the running of the preakness stakes. will we get a triple crown winner? spoiler alert, the triple crown is still alive. >>> welcome back...
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i'm delighted we're selling the team to steve. he'll be a terrific owner. the sterlings bought the team 33 years ago for $12.5 million. >> financially, he's a winner. but he's got a reputation that's really destroyed. when his obituary is written, this will be the lead. >> reporter: tonight, the stage is set for ballmer to take over the clippers. a new owner with a fresh start and plenty of enthusiasm. miguel almaguer, nbc news, los angeles. >>> as congress prepares for new hearings on the deadly attack on the u.s. consulate in benghazi, libya, a preemptive strike tonight from hillary clinton. it's a chapter, a whole one from her new book aimed at deflecting the criticism that is certain to emerge from those hearings as she plans for a possible run for the white house. our report tonight from our national correspondent, kate snow. >> reporter: if anyone knows how to maximize publicity for a new book and potential presidential campaign it's team clinton. today, an unannounced meeting with booksellers in new york. earlier this week, select pages released and
i'm delighted we're selling the team to steve. he'll be a terrific owner. the sterlings bought the team 33 years ago for $12.5 million. >> financially, he's a winner. but he's got a reputation that's really destroyed. when his obituary is written, this will be the lead. >> reporter: tonight, the stage is set for ballmer to take over the clippers. a new owner with a fresh start and plenty of enthusiasm. miguel almaguer, nbc news, los angeles. >>> as congress prepares for new...
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May 30, 2014
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steve ballmer's personal wealth is estimated at $20 billion. he dropped out of college to join microsoft in 1980. he was named ceo in january of 2000. he retired in february. >> now with the ongoing saga of the casino matrix, the card room is in jeopardy of being shut down this summer. state officials didn't renew the operating licensed to. instead the california gambling control commission voted to schedule a hearing it lock into accusation that the owners hid millions in profit. the license expires saturday but the casino will be allowed to stay open pending result of the hearing. expected to take place in a few months. >> change is prompting more officers to leave their job with the san jose police department. four officers resigned when changes to the disability retirement benefits kicks in. here is the change, if an officer now gets hurt on the job we he may be forced to take a desk job. officers told nbc bay area that those are the first positions to go when budget cuts come around. it's possible the department could lose 200 officers to
steve ballmer's personal wealth is estimated at $20 billion. he dropped out of college to join microsoft in 1980. he was named ceo in january of 2000. he retired in february. >> now with the ongoing saga of the casino matrix, the card room is in jeopardy of being shut down this summer. state officials didn't renew the operating licensed to. instead the california gambling control commission voted to schedule a hearing it lock into accusation that the owners hid millions in profit. the...
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May 14, 2014
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can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! >>> first time since 2008, fourth of july show is back if business. a lot of people will be happy about this. rotary club teaming up about the city and santa clara county it raise enough money. all in all. >> everybody we talked to, everybody said yeah, where is the fireworks? we're going now. they got it on. >> city leaders believe having the show will cut down on illegal fireworks. >> shutting down and cracking done. changes for this year's race. san francisco police will shut down part of alamo square for the annual run. the new sponsor means police will be out in force with 20% more security. officers will be out there making sure no one's is drinking. and also nudity is also not allowe allowed. >> a's and giants at home tonight and latest from michael with the st. louis rams. >>> good evening. giants put the right man on the hill against the braves. ryan vogelsong with a stunning e.r.a. of .89 over his last three starts surrendering
can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! >>> first time since 2008, fourth of july show is back if business. a lot of people will be happy about this. rotary club teaming up about the city and santa clara county it raise enough money. all in all. >> everybody we talked to, everybody said yeah, where is the fireworks? we're going now. they got it on. >> city leaders believe having the show will cut down on...
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his son, steve, still a trainer here. and for california trainers and california breeders, this one was something special. >> california chrome broke out of the gate, never seemed to strain. and when he rounded that far turn, jockey pulled away from the rest of the pack. the race never in doubt. one of chrome's co-owners, lives here in yuba city. in the town's watering holes, neighbors were cheering him on. back at golden gate field. the assistant trainer says the win kind of settles a score with some of the blue blood breeders back east. >> they always make us feel like we are less because we are out here on the west coast in california. >> reporter: we heard that from more than one trainer here. it must have had a lit to do with the co-owner, steve coburn saying this. >> all i have to say. do you nonbelievers believe the horse now and this man train ape horse. itch you don'ty need to have your head examined. >> little chip there. understandable when they paid the $#,000 for the mare that produced california chrome, the
his son, steve, still a trainer here. and for california trainers and california breeders, this one was something special. >> california chrome broke out of the gate, never seemed to strain. and when he rounded that far turn, jockey pulled away from the rest of the pack. the race never in doubt. one of chrome's co-owners, lives here in yuba city. in the town's watering holes, neighbors were cheering him on. back at golden gate field. the assistant trainer says the win kind of settles a...
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May 24, 2014
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steve polison took advantage. a two-run homer. 2-0, blue jays. onto the top of the fifth, 3-1, toronto. hitting foul. the ball boy with a great effort. he doesn't make the catch but he dives into the stands. that's earning your money. jed lowrie ground ball and an out. a's strand nine runners and lose 3-2. >>> clippers owner has agreed to let shelly negotiate the sale of the franchise. grant hill and yaw ming are working separately to line up investors to launch bids for the club once the process begins. on june 3 rtd the board of governors is going to show up. more news coming up after the break. >>> paying it forward through twitter. this is janelle's favorite story throughout the night. a person who flips home is hiding money all over the pay area and leaving tips. they're leaving a note, at hidden -- new drop place is minute plaza. the envelopes are signed with with love. chinese place near market and concerny in a unisex bathroom. >> there's a picture of where it could be. >> she's wired. >> free cash. >> you'll be up late. >> i have to watc
steve polison took advantage. a two-run homer. 2-0, blue jays. onto the top of the fifth, 3-1, toronto. hitting foul. the ball boy with a great effort. he doesn't make the catch but he dives into the stands. that's earning your money. jed lowrie ground ball and an out. a's strand nine runners and lose 3-2. >>> clippers owner has agreed to let shelly negotiate the sale of the franchise. grant hill and yaw ming are working separately to line up investors to launch bids for the club once...
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May 12, 2014
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can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! a broader mix of energies, world needs to move, to keep warm, to make clay piggies. that's why we are supplying natural gas, to generate cleaner electricity, that has around 50% fewer co2 emissions than coal. let's broaden the world's energy mix, let's go. >>> hi, everyone, welcome to on the money. the most powerful woman in the world of money goes to capitol hill. what you should do. words of wisdom from three of the world's richest men and choosing a financial adviser, should you have one, and how to find one that fits. "on the money" starts right now. >>> we head into a new week on the money. she spoke, the markets listened and investors liked what they heard. janet yellin testified before lawmakers of both the house and senate this week and said that though the economy is
can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! a broader mix of energies, world needs to move, to keep warm, to make clay piggies. that's why we are supplying natural gas, to generate cleaner electricity, that has around 50% fewer co2 emissions than coal. let's broaden the world's energy mix, let's go. >>> hi, everyone, welcome to on the money. the most powerful woman in the world of money goes to capitol hill. what you...
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May 20, 2014
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the warriors are set to introduce steve kerr tomorrow. the franchise will hold a press conference as he takes over the coaching job. he did serve as a general manager of the suns for three years and played under phil jackson, gregg popovich and lenny wilkins. >>> the raiders added a wide receiver to a competitive position for the silver and black. oakland picked up greg little off waivers. he caught 41 passes for 465 yards last year which was his worst of his four pro seasons. >>> in the quest to be horse racing's first triple crown winner since 1978, california chrome will be allowed to wear a breathing strip in the belmont stakes. there was a previous policy against the use of the device at belmont. >>> and sharks fans, an 18-year-old became a shark for a day, skating on the ice with team teal. on june 1st he will sign autographs on his own rookie card. the money raised through donations will go there to the make-a-wish foundation. he has a commemorative custom shirt which can be ordered. the proceeds going to make a wish greater bay ar
the warriors are set to introduce steve kerr tomorrow. the franchise will hold a press conference as he takes over the coaching job. he did serve as a general manager of the suns for three years and played under phil jackson, gregg popovich and lenny wilkins. >>> the raiders added a wide receiver to a competitive position for the silver and black. oakland picked up greg little off waivers. he caught 41 passes for 465 yards last year which was his worst of his four pro seasons....
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last night, she said steve baumer has agreed to pay $2 billion for the clippers. the scheduled hearing for next tuesday has been canceled. it concludes mrs. sterling and the trust also agreed not to sue the nba and to indem anify the nba against lawsuits from others, including donald sterling. >> we don't know what's going to happen with the sale of the clippers. very likely, he's going to try to use it as a bargaining chip to get some incentive out of the sale. he wants to have a $2 billion payday. >> if it goes through, the $2 billion deal by steve ball mer would be the biggest ever. sterling bought the team in 1981 for $12 million. >>> medicare is dropping its ban on sex change surgery. transgender people may no longer be automatically denied coverage. it was prompted by an administrative challenge brought last year by a 74-year-old army veteran whose doctor had recommended the surgery. >>> san mateo county may be the first to form a commission to reduce harassment, provide a resource for future policy decisions and serve as a model for cities and counties arou
last night, she said steve baumer has agreed to pay $2 billion for the clippers. the scheduled hearing for next tuesday has been canceled. it concludes mrs. sterling and the trust also agreed not to sue the nba and to indem anify the nba against lawsuits from others, including donald sterling. >> we don't know what's going to happen with the sale of the clippers. very likely, he's going to try to use it as a bargaining chip to get some incentive out of the sale. he wants to have a $2...
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steve kerr talks about why he chose the warriors and his link to uc berkeley. >>> hi in the bay area, mya rudolph is here. and we have robert duvall and lily allen. it's a great show. >>> good evening i'm gerard moncure. the vision of making the warriors a destination team in the nba took a major leap forward as the dubs land steve kerr as head coach over his mentor phil jackson's new york knicks. the deal is a deal worth $25 million. he has never been an nba head coach just like the recently fired mark jackson when he started. he said it felt like the right move on many levels. they have a good young team. their location is ideal. my daughter is in cal playing volleyball. and my youngest is a junior in high school. and the one thing that a lot of coaches i talked to said you have to have talent and golden state has talent. >>> giants down 2-0. hunter pence hammers a shot and gone. his third this season ties the game at 2. 8-4, giants. crawford with his second splash hit of the season. and the orange and black with three homers part of a 10-4 win. >>> a's trying to sweep the white sox
steve kerr talks about why he chose the warriors and his link to uc berkeley. >>> hi in the bay area, mya rudolph is here. and we have robert duvall and lily allen. it's a great show. >>> good evening i'm gerard moncure. the vision of making the warriors a destination team in the nba took a major leap forward as the dubs land steve kerr as head coach over his mentor phil jackson's new york knicks. the deal is a deal worth $25 million. he has never been an nba head coach just...
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May 15, 2014
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the team confirming they have hired steve kerr as the new head coach. he is a five-time nba champ and veteran. he served as the general manger of the phoenix suns, but this will be his first head coaching job. within the last hour we confirmed he chose the warriors. he's agreed to a $25 million salary over five years. he replaces mark jackson as you know who was fired last week. we'll have complete coverage in sports. >>> bidding for the future and finding some of our past. they call it their number one. the first or chard supply hardware store built in 1946. the store is on san carlos street. they are opening a new store just next door. damian trujillo got a new look at the new store and found interesting artifacts at the old location. >> reporter: this is a new store behind he. they won't open for another couple weeks. i can't show you the old store because the sunlight isn't cooperating at this hour. but you might say i'm standing on hallowed ground. this is the site of a place where arguably the best baseball player that ever lived once laced them u
the team confirming they have hired steve kerr as the new head coach. he is a five-time nba champ and veteran. he served as the general manger of the phoenix suns, but this will be his first head coaching job. within the last hour we confirmed he chose the warriors. he's agreed to a $25 million salary over five years. he replaces mark jackson as you know who was fired last week. we'll have complete coverage in sports. >>> bidding for the future and finding some of our past. they call...
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May 7, 2014
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and steve kerr's name has been thrown out. ever since the nicks let go of mike woodson. there's been nothing happening there. and the question is if steve kerr was going to go join the nicks, why wouldn't that have happened by now. and the general consensus is that the warriors job was going to open up and steve kerr lives in san diego, has a daughter at cal. i would say he remains the number one candidate for the job. he also has a relationship with the owner. >> here is the current list of possibilities. it has surfaced according to multiple reports steve kerr's name has been tossed about. >>> finally talking baseball. pnc park. game two of the series. scoreless in the second. no home run here. but he's going to reach on an in-field single. during the next at bat, belt will steal second. and the orange and black are in business. adrianza gets him home on a sac fly. this game had just ended. pirates walked off on a triple. they win 2-1. giants unable to pull out the win for willie mays birthday. >>> we'll have more tonight at 10:30. >> back in a moment. >>> well, there'
and steve kerr's name has been thrown out. ever since the nicks let go of mike woodson. there's been nothing happening there. and the question is if steve kerr was going to go join the nicks, why wouldn't that have happened by now. and the general consensus is that the warriors job was going to open up and steve kerr lives in san diego, has a daughter at cal. i would say he remains the number one candidate for the job. he also has a relationship with the owner. >> here is the current list...
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May 28, 2014
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whose hair is this, mine or steve austin? >> steve austin. steve austin. >> definitely not mine. >> okay. >> do you know who that is? >> no. >> who cares? >> that's funny. >> that makes me feel very old. next, please. >> whose abs are these? >> austin mahone's. >> you're right. >> oh, yeah. >> yes. >> wear a cape but good at it. >> a friend gave me that cape. >> you're sweet. >> you've got to admit, good luck, honey. >> you're still a sweet kid. the best of you. >> thank you. >> have a great summer tour. >> thank you. >>> did you know he could sing, too? >> "the blacklist" is on. >> but first, we're going to keep your mind going with a coupen of brainteasers, right after this. low prices, we can afford to take more trips this year. -hit the beach in florida. -and a reunion in seattle. [man] when hotels have unsold rooms, they use hotwire to fill them. [woman] so we got our 4-star hotels... for half price. ♪ h-o-t-w-i-r-e ♪ hotwire.com ugh. heartburn. did someone say burn? try alka seltzer reliefchews. they work just as fast and taste bett
whose hair is this, mine or steve austin? >> steve austin. steve austin. >> definitely not mine. >> okay. >> do you know who that is? >> no. >> who cares? >> that's funny. >> that makes me feel very old. next, please. >> whose abs are these? >> austin mahone's. >> you're right. >> oh, yeah. >> yes. >> wear a cape but good at it. >> a friend gave me that cape. >> you're sweet. >> you've got to...
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steve's gone, right? let's go chevon. no, no. if a god built us, then the god would like to keep the human units intact, please, to do all the praising. >> seth: right, yeah. >> this is my logic of it. >> seth: i like it. it's very firm logic. the most impressive thing of the many impressive things you do is you are performing your act in multiple languages. >> yeah. >> seth: so, it started in english and french was second? >> yeah. french second, then german. >> in america it's all in english. i should say. some people go, "oh, that's a bit tricky." [ laughter ] actually, no, i do -- last night, at the beacon here in new york, i did start by going bon soir, madames and monsieurs. bienevenue. just to throw people off and go, "oh, no!" no, it's -- i do it in english. >> seth: that's like every time you see a movie with subtitles in new york, you hear somebody in the beginning go, "what?" >> yes. [ laughter ] exactly that. but i'm now touring france after i was just touring germany in german. and, uh -- >> seth: and it's the same a
steve's gone, right? let's go chevon. no, no. if a god built us, then the god would like to keep the human units intact, please, to do all the praising. >> seth: right, yeah. >> this is my logic of it. >> seth: i like it. it's very firm logic. the most impressive thing of the many impressive things you do is you are performing your act in multiple languages. >> yeah. >> seth: so, it started in english and french was second? >> yeah. french second, then...
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May 20, 2014
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. >>> just ahead, steve cearell's serious side and mj is still the king. and jimmy shows off his new and interesting talent with a guest. all of that next. you can hide uneven skin tone from here. and here. but what about here? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® visibly even daily moisturizer with a clinically proven soy complex. it diminishes the look of dark spots in 4 short weeks. and just like that your skin will look radiant and more even. even from here. [ female announcer ] visibly even moisturizer and new bb cream. from neutrogena®. oh! the name your price tool! you tell them how much you want to pay, and they help you find a policy that fits your budget. i told you to wear something comfortable! this is a polyester blend! whoa! uh...little help? i got you! unh! it's so beautiful! man: should we call security? no, this is just getting good. the name your price tool, still only from progressive. still running in the morning? yeah. getting your vegetables every day? when i can. [ bop ] [ male announcer ] could've had a v8. two full servings of vegeta
. >>> just ahead, steve cearell's serious side and mj is still the king. and jimmy shows off his new and interesting talent with a guest. all of that next. you can hide uneven skin tone from here. and here. but what about here? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® visibly even daily moisturizer with a clinically proven soy complex. it diminishes the look of dark spots in 4 short weeks. and just like that your skin will look radiant and more even. even from here. [ female announcer ]...
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May 30, 2014
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the new owner is steve ballmer and paid a record $2 billion for the team. the contract will now need to be sent to the nba for approval. he lives in seattle but so far not interested in moving that team out of l.a. shelly sterling released a statement saying "i am delighted that we are selling the team to steve. who will be a terrific owner." >>> a major unveil from elon musk. last night he showed the world the future of space flight or so he hopes. a space taxi that seats seven. it's called dragon version 2. the first private spaceship capable of orbiting the earth. musk showed off an animation in southern california and insisted it will be able to land with helicopter accuracy anywhere in the world. >> that is how a 21st century spaceship should land. >> musk is also the ceo of bay area-based tesla. the interior bears a similar resemblance to electric cars made in fremont. >> we aimed for something with version 2 for the interfaces and for the overall esthetic of something that is very simple, very clean and so as a pilot you're able to interact with the
the new owner is steve ballmer and paid a record $2 billion for the team. the contract will now need to be sent to the nba for approval. he lives in seattle but so far not interested in moving that team out of l.a. shelly sterling released a statement saying "i am delighted that we are selling the team to steve. who will be a terrific owner." >>> a major unveil from elon musk. last night he showed the world the future of space flight or so he hopes. a space taxi that seats...
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May 13, 2014
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now the only reason he could be seen as the front runner is because steve kerr is expected to become the knicks head coach any day now. the answer to treating your dog's fleas and ticks is staring you right in the face. nexgard from the makers of frontline® plus it's the only chew that kills both fleas and american dog ticks. vets recommend it, and dogs, well they're begging for it. nexgard is for dogs only and hasn't been evaluated for use in pregnant, breeding or lactating dogs. reported side effects include vomiting, dry flaky skin, diarrhea, lethargy and lack of appetite. use with caution in dogs with a history of seizures. recommended by vets. loved by dogs. from the makers of frontline® plus. >>> you need shorts, sandals, a smoothy, sunglasses, the whole thing. >> yeah. >> it's going to be perfect weather here for smoothy action if you are on the sidelines of the amgen tour. upper 80s by 1:00 and 90s for the afternoon. hot for those guys. as we look at the next five days the hottest day of the week is on wednesday. 90 in san francisco. but by this weekend, things start to coo
now the only reason he could be seen as the front runner is because steve kerr is expected to become the knicks head coach any day now. the answer to treating your dog's fleas and ticks is staring you right in the face. nexgard from the makers of frontline® plus it's the only chew that kills both fleas and american dog ticks. vets recommend it, and dogs, well they're begging for it. nexgard is for dogs only and hasn't been evaluated for use in pregnant, breeding or lactating dogs. reported...
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May 15, 2014
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. >> steve kerr agreed to a five-year deal worth $25 million. nbc vet and has never worked a as coach in the nba. he chose the warriors, in part, to be near his family. his daughter plays volleyball for cal and his son is in college in san diego. kerr says one thing a lot of the coaches i talked to said, you have to have talent and golden state has talent. >> we thought he was going to the knicks and then at the last second, boy, we get him, boy, that's cool. >>> moving on, technically we find out where the pac-12 football championship game will be held. this is not a well-kept secret after the news conference announced it will be held at levi's stadium. during that time the details of the conference championship will be unveiled, as well. the pac-12 expressed the need for the neutral site. the past three games was held at one of the schools participating in the game. >>> well, you know, you heard of a guard dog, right? how about a guard cat? a pretty vicious one at that. look at this video. >> this was 4-year-old jeremy. he's riding his bike. h
. >> steve kerr agreed to a five-year deal worth $25 million. nbc vet and has never worked a as coach in the nba. he chose the warriors, in part, to be near his family. his daughter plays volleyball for cal and his son is in college in san diego. kerr says one thing a lot of the coaches i talked to said, you have to have talent and golden state has talent. >> we thought he was going to the knicks and then at the last second, boy, we get him, boy, that's cool. >>> moving on,...
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May 20, 2014
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>> reporter: i talked with steve lamar, and he told me he supports the d.a.'s decision to pursue the death penalty even though that acknowledges he may be in for years of frustrating delays. santa clara's district attorney announced today torres is now facing the death penalty for kidnapping and murdering sierra lamar. she disappeared two years ago. she has never been found. her father says he and his family support the d.a.'s decision. >> she can't enjoy her life. he's taken that away. he's taken away us, you know, enjoying watching her, you know, live the rest of her life. it's important enough that we feel the ultimate penalty should be done. >> reporter: even if that means an additional one to two years of waiting before the case goes to trial. legal analyst steven clark says with no body and no crime scene, the d.a. is taking a potential risk by pursuing the death penalty. >> this decision is going to delay the case significantly. it may actually play into the defense's hands, because they're going to continuously characterize this as a missing persons ca
>> reporter: i talked with steve lamar, and he told me he supports the d.a.'s decision to pursue the death penalty even though that acknowledges he may be in for years of frustrating delays. santa clara's district attorney announced today torres is now facing the death penalty for kidnapping and murdering sierra lamar. she disappeared two years ago. she has never been found. her father says he and his family support the d.a.'s decision. >> she can't enjoy her life. he's taken that...
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May 31, 2014
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. >>> talking hoops, how close were the dubs to miss out on steve kur. on an interview, phil jackson, the president of the nicks says he agreed to coach the knicks before the worries coaching position became available. the knicks president then allowed him to pursue golden state and he's searching for a head coach. jackson did quote and say we're very happy for him. >> hours after donald sterling filed the lawsuit. the league approved a 2 billion-dollar sale to the ceo as part of the sale. shelley sterling and the sterling family trust have agreed not to sue the league. the sale must be approved by the league owners. >>> finally, vernon davis continued absence at 49ers ota raised the share of questions that tight end reportedly won't answer any of them though jim harbaugh seemed to indicate they are seeking a new deal. >>> the contract makes them the third highest paid tight end in the nfl. not too bad. a lot of contract was front loaded so he's looking at his basalry and thinking i should be making more money, although this is a deal he signed. >> he si
. >>> talking hoops, how close were the dubs to miss out on steve kur. on an interview, phil jackson, the president of the nicks says he agreed to coach the knicks before the worries coaching position became available. the knicks president then allowed him to pursue golden state and he's searching for a head coach. jackson did quote and say we're very happy for him. >> hours after donald sterling filed the lawsuit. the league approved a 2 billion-dollar sale to the ceo as part of...
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May 5, 2014
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can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! ♪ >>> karaoke on the sidewalk. why not? >> i love karaoke. >> this was just a small part of sunday's street events in san francisco. it's when an area is blocked off for traffic so people can walk and bike. all kinds of activities and music, too. this time four miles blocked off in the bay view and dog patch area of san francisco. >> it is a little cold out there, it's still kind of nice. hello. >> we've been watching clouds and breezy conditions around san francisco. 66 in san jose. but the wind the big story again this evening. winds close to 20 miles per hour. you can see the onshore push of air consistent from san francisco into the trivalley. temperatures today mostly in the mid 60s to near 70 in livermore. we'll start to see a few more changes getting back to the workweek. off the rain off to the north is going to drop a little further south. right now the showers are north of you. but tomorrow, this trough of low pressure will tr
can i get an a, steve? yes! three a's! he brings his a-game! the ready for you alert, only at laquinta.com! ♪ >>> karaoke on the sidewalk. why not? >> i love karaoke. >> this was just a small part of sunday's street events in san francisco. it's when an area is blocked off for traffic so people can walk and bike. all kinds of activities and music, too. this time four miles blocked off in the bay view and dog patch area of san francisco. >> it is a little cold out...
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May 13, 2014
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steve arkel was at the home to respond to a domestic dispute. by the time the other officers arrived to help the home covered in flames and then just simply blew up. now, the man inside the home also presumed dead, arkel leaves behind two teenage daughters. >>> singer clay aiken has suspended his campaign to represent north carolina in congress after his chief rival unpexectedly died. keith christo died yesterday after an accidental fall at his home, according to his family. they were both fighting to represent the democratic party in the race for north carolina's second congressional district. though the polls closed last week, the race was still too close to call with aiken holding just a slight lead. if crisco comes back and wins they'll select a nominee to come back and take his place. >>> casey kasem is missing and a judge has revealed his wife where he is. on monday the stepdaughter said she took him and won't tell them where he is. either an indian reservation in washington state or somewhere out of the country. >>> donald sterling speaki
steve arkel was at the home to respond to a domestic dispute. by the time the other officers arrived to help the home covered in flames and then just simply blew up. now, the man inside the home also presumed dead, arkel leaves behind two teenage daughters. >>> singer clay aiken has suspended his campaign to represent north carolina in congress after his chief rival unpexectedly died. keith christo died yesterday after an accidental fall at his home, according to his family. they were...
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May 30, 2014
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meanwhile, former microsoft ceo steve balmer strikes a deal to buy the l.a. clippers for $2 billion. if the sale is approved, it would be the most ever paid for an nba team. earlier this month, the milwaukee bucks were sold for $550 million. the l.a. dodgers sold for $2.1 billion in 2012. and mark zuckerberg and his wife are donating $120 million to the san francisco area school system. the gift will be spread out over five years and it is the biggest allocation from the $1.1 billion in facebook stock that the couple has pledged to charity. back to you. >> thanks, morgan. >>> how about a smart watch that can predict a heart attack? samsung is developing one that will monitor how you're eating, sleeping and exercising while providing real time data to your doctor. >>> just ahead on "early today," the new york rangers are back after 20 years. the spurs silence the thunder. and the rest of your sports highlights next. it starts with little things. tiny changes in the brain. little things, anyone can do. it steals your memories. your independence. insures support
meanwhile, former microsoft ceo steve balmer strikes a deal to buy the l.a. clippers for $2 billion. if the sale is approved, it would be the most ever paid for an nba team. earlier this month, the milwaukee bucks were sold for $550 million. the l.a. dodgers sold for $2.1 billion in 2012. and mark zuckerberg and his wife are donating $120 million to the san francisco area school system. the gift will be spread out over five years and it is the biggest allocation from the $1.1 billion in...
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May 27, 2014
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whose hair is this, mine or steve austin? >> steve austin. steve austin. >> definitely not mine. >> okay. >> do you know who that is? >> no. >> who cares? >> that's funny. >> that makes me feel very old. next, please. >> whose abs are these? >> austin mahone's. >> you're right. >> oh, yeah. >> yes. >> wear a cape but good at it. >> a friend gave me that cape. >> you're sweet. >> you've got to admit, good luck, honey. >> you're still a sweet kid. the best of you. >> thank you. >> have a great summer tour. >> thank you. >>> did you know he could sing, too? >> "the mahone is blacklist qui. >>> we're going to keep you on with a couple of brain teasers. >> oh, no. >> i know. >> oh, no. >> i kn[ female announcer ] the harshness of the sun, the cold wind, and the pollution and stress of modern life can make all skin sensitive. that's why simple is kind to skin. simple skincare is made with skin-loving ingredients and no harsh chemicals. because we know all skin can be sensitive. ♪ simple. the sensitive skin experts. >> baby: my brand-new skin is t
whose hair is this, mine or steve austin? >> steve austin. steve austin. >> definitely not mine. >> okay. >> do you know who that is? >> no. >> who cares? >> that's funny. >> that makes me feel very old. next, please. >> whose abs are these? >> austin mahone's. >> you're right. >> oh, yeah. >> yes. >> wear a cape but good at it. >> a friend gave me that cape. >> you're sweet. >> you've got to...
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May 21, 2014
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a knew era officially began as steve kerr's introduced as the man to take the dubs to the next level. as a player, analyst and front office executive, he's one of 25 players in league history to win five championships. his entire nba body work he believes has him prepared for this opportunity, which he knows has great potential. >> the mentality of the golden state warriors is entirely different right now than what it was three years ago when it was perennially the worst rebounding club in the league. and they were just hoping to outscore teams. i'm coming in here knowing this is a good team, this was already a good team, and they've done a great job. mark, the front office, what they've been able to build is impressive, and i'm just trying to continue the progress and keep that going. >> all right. early baseball. giants and rockies. before the game tonight at coors field, hudson warmed up for thursday's series finale. buster posey sitting this one out. bum gardin nergardner on the hi. right now no score in the fourth inning. coco crisp facing jake and that ball is trouble. derrick n
a knew era officially began as steve kerr's introduced as the man to take the dubs to the next level. as a player, analyst and front office executive, he's one of 25 players in league history to win five championships. his entire nba body work he believes has him prepared for this opportunity, which he knows has great potential. >> the mentality of the golden state warriors is entirely different right now than what it was three years ago when it was perennially the worst rebounding club...
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May 13, 2014
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here's the explosion. 48-year-old police officer steve arkell was at the home to respond to a domestic dispute when he was shot by a man inside the house. by the time the other officers a arrived to help, the house was in flames and then blew up. it's not clear how the house caught fire or exploded. the man inside the home who did the shooting is presumed dead. arkell leaves two teenage daughters behind. >>> singer clay aiken has suspended his campaign to represent north carolina in congress after his chief rival unexpectedly died. keith krisco died yesterday after an accidental fall in his home. they were both looking to represent the second north carolinaen district. the race was too close to call, with aiken holding a slight lead. if krisco comes back and wins, local democrats would select a nominee to take his place. >>> still to come, sideswiped off the freeway. an apparent case of road rage. we'll show you more of this video, coming up next. >>> plus, mark zuckerberg, the target of a real estate lawsuit? why a bay area real estate developer says the founder of facebook cheated hi
here's the explosion. 48-year-old police officer steve arkell was at the home to respond to a domestic dispute when he was shot by a man inside the house. by the time the other officers a arrived to help, the house was in flames and then blew up. it's not clear how the house caught fire or exploded. the man inside the home who did the shooting is presumed dead. arkell leaves two teenage daughters behind. >>> singer clay aiken has suspended his campaign to represent north carolina in...